Laurence feels unappreciated.
He does a lot of nice things for others, often going above and beyond what is expected of
him, but he feels that no one treats him with the same level of kindness.
This really bugs Laurence.
It makes him suffer a lot.
Four days ago, he helped one of his friends move into a new apartment.
Three days ago, Laurence took a few of his close friends out for dinner and paid, and
he even took on the role of being their designated driver.
Two days ago, he bought some drinks for a girl and her friends at a bar.
And yesterday, he served food at a homeless shelter.
And even though everyone gave him a thank you, he didn’t feel it was enough.
He even felt quite resentful.
I do so much for these people, he thought, but they don’t do anything for me.
And these outward acts of generosity were normal for Laurence.
But the thing is, the more he did them, the more resentful he became.
The more he felt others didn’t really appreciate him.
The more he felt that others weren’t as kind as him.
And this resentment made Laurence even more miserable.
How can Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and
being miserable?
By realizing this difficult truth: he’s not actually nice, he’s just secretly selfish.
Laurence feels unappreciated because he’s doing nice things for others from a transactional
mindset.
He needs a reward for his good actions in order to feel appreciated.
Psychologically, this means that he’s engaged in a transaction, but he’s trying to pass
it off as if he’s doing something nice.
Engaging in a transaction and being nice are two totally different things.
A truly nice action is done from a service mindset.
It’s done without the expectation of a reward.
It’s done as a gift.
And so if we do something truly nice for another, we don’t suffer from not being appreciated,
because that action wasn’t done with any sort of expectation in the first place.
So knowing all of this, how does Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated,
being resentful, and being miserable?
By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service mindset.
And how does Laurence go from a transactional mindset to a service one?
By only doing nice things for others, if he can do it without needing a return or a reward
for his actions.
And if he can do that, he will actually suffer a lot less in life, because feelings of unappreciation
and resentment will never arise.
And I know what most people are thinking.
How can you live in this world without needing rewards from anyone?
Are you saying I should just do things for others without needing them to do anything
for me?
Should I just never get any rewards for my actions?
Won’t that just make me exhausted and resentful?
These people don’t understand the difference between a need and a want.
When we operate from a service mindset, we accept any rewards that are given to us as
a result of our actions, but we don’t expect them.
We want a reward, sure, but we don’t need it.
We focus on what’s in our control, which is doing the action, but we’re not attached
to what’s out of our control, which is receiving a reward.
By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service one, we only do nice things for
others when we can do them without expecting a reward.
This doesn’t mean we don’t accept a reward or a return of favour if it’s given, but
we don’t expect it.
And by not needing a reward, our actions become truly kind, not transactional.
Every kindness becomes a gift.
And by operating out of sincerity, abundance, and selflessness, we no longer suffer from
feelings of unappreciation and resentment.