- You ever watch a wholesome video on TikTok or Instagram
and it makes you feel good?
I mean, so much of the internet can be this toxic,
argumentative wasteland, but for once,
you're sitting there smiling at your phone.
Imagine that.
Imagine a piece of content
that actually makes your day better.
And then you open up the comment section
and it's a fucking war zone.
"Going into 2023 with the same person since 2010."
Oh, that's nice.
They've been together for a very long time.
Clearly they've worked hard
and been able to make a life for themselves
centered around their shared interest.
And I mean, really, that's the dream for anybody,
no matter what that shared interest may be.
"And?
"Who cares about this?"
"Cringe."
"Video gaming is the worst hobby one could have."
"What a waste of time."
Not like what I do, which is spend all day on my phone
telling other people that they're wasting their time.
"I'm pissef!"
"Living behind a screen."
"Aren't you doing the same thing?"
"No."
"You have gamer in your bio."
"Are gamers extremely lazy?
"Do they ever get up?"
I like to think that this person isn't making fun of them.
They're just genuinely concerned for their wellbeing.
Like, "wait, have they really
"been sitting there for 13 years?
"I hope they're okay.
"What if they got stuck?"
Like I know that you're opening yourself up to criticism
whenever you post anything online.
That's just the nature of the internet.
But it's crazy that even the most uncriticizable posts
where someone is just happily doing something
and isn't hurting anyone else in the process
still gets criticized.
All right, here's another TikTok about dishes.
- [Ai Voice] In our house,
I cook, he does the dishes.
And when he cooks,
he does the dishes.
- Harmless joke, right?
They're just subverting expectations
of what you might have expected her to say.
So really there's no reason for someone to get
like super about this or anything.
"Oh, so he's twice as useful as you are?"
"L girlfriend."
"So much entitlement.
"The woman that posted this
"and the woman that are commenting on this.
"Just because you don't like doing it
"doesn't mean he does so about helping
"and being a good person."
"He rather does the dishes because he knows
"you'll never do it without moaning about it
"or showing the initiative to just do it.
"You just let him do it because you're lazy and entitled.
"Feeling offended when called out.
"But ask yourself, if you're feeling called out,
"doesn't that prove my point?"
This video is eight seconds long.
"Slavery."
That's right.
Someone watched this video and thought, "oh my God
"that's exactly what being a slave is like."
And five people agreed?
Slavery is when I have to do the dishes,
even though I was the one who cooked that night.
"Simps loved to defend this irrational thinking."
"Imagine if the genders were reversed."
(laughs) I know, right?
Then the comments might be insane.
"Normalize men doing chores."
"Normalize women changing oil
"and fixing the toilet and paying the bill."
Ah yes.
Changing oil and fixing toilets.
Two things that notoriously need to be done
as often as the dishes.
Shit, I changed my oil every time I drive.
Only the best for my car. (car horn beeps)
How often do you even have to fix a toilet?
Every couple of years at the most?
What are you doing in there?
Are you shitting grenades?
Look, I don't know who this couple is
but I'm positive that this eight second video
does not sum up their entire relationship.
Like in my house, Amanda does the dishes
like 90% of the time, but I cook 90% of the time.
She cleans more often than I do
but I do all the grocery shopping.
I don't know, one single chore doesn't tell the whole story.
But even still, being in a relationship isn't supposed to be
this one-to-one transactional exchange
where every chore must be split down the middle
and every good deed must be reciprocated immediately.
Hey, I just did something nice for you.
(intense music) Do it back
or I'm gonna post about this on TikTok.
What are you talking about it?
It's my birthday. (toy squeaking)
Oh, I'm supposed to give you a present too?
(somber music) You would if you loved me.
Like no, you just figure out what works best for you guys
and if something's not working, then you talk about it.
Clearly these people are traumatized
from a past relationship where they had to do a chore
and they haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
It's time to move on.
All right, you gotta let that shit go.
There's another common type of TikTok
I've seen multiple renditions of.
- [Woman] See you later.
- [Woman 2] Bye, you've been a great help today.
- [Woman] That's all right.
Thank you, bye.
- And honestly, I like Tiktoks like this
because I think this is really healthy
and a good thing to point out.
Like having the desire to be by yourself for a little bit,
doesn't mean your marriage is bad all of a sudden
or you've lost your spark.
Most couples go through this, most couples do this.
You are still your own person
with your own hobbies and interests.
It's not the end of the world.
Like sometimes Amanda comes home from work
and wants to tell me everything that happened that day,
and that's great.
And other times she just wants to come home
and listen to a podcast
and play "Stardew Valley" for three hours.
And both of those are fine.
"That's not good or healthy for couples."
"Well, this is crazy unhealthy in a relationship."
"That is terrible relationship advice.
"When kids are down, it's time to be together.
"Each of you should have some time to do what you like
"but do it while kids are up.
"One watches kids, then the other."
That's a very specific rule.
"Me and my husband, we have four kids.
"That was in the 80s.
"All I time was about them.
"Now that they are growing and have they on family,
"me and him have some our time.
"We love been and around each other
"but like he wishing TV and working.
"I like been at home alone
"and when we at home we talk about everything
"and then like I said, he and one room and I am and another.
"We be merrier her for 40s years,
"get along just fine."
I think she's on my side here.
I'm not a hundred percent sure though.
"If you love somebody you'll spect to have
"its company as much as they can."
It seems like there are two kinds
of negative responses to this.
There's the people who misinterpret it to mean
that they don't wanna spend any time together.
Even though that's not at all what they're saying.
This is what, like an hour of their day?
Some of the time?
Relax.
But then there's also the people who use Tiktoks like this
to just brag about their own relationship.
"Sad.
"We like to be with each other at bedtime.
"Even after nine years of marriage."
Oh wait, you guys have alone time?
That's a choice that you make?
No, that's great.
I'm happy for you.
I guess it's just that
you must not love each other very much,
because I spend every waking moment with my wife.
We have the same job, the same hobbies, the same friend, us.
Our bathroom has two toilets and they face each other.
Few years back, I actually took a class
on how to stop blinking and now I don't do it anymore.
What can I say?
I guess I missed her too much when my eyes are closed.
Of course there's a balance to this,
as this guy will tell you.
Not realizing that the people who posted the TikTok
would probably agree with him.
If you never prioritize your partner
and you're constantly blowing them off
to just do whatever you want,
go hang out with your friends, that's a problem.
If 100% of the time you'd rather be
hanging out with your boys
than paying any attention to your girlfriend,
you probably shouldn't be dating her.
You should be dating your boys.
But at the same time, I wouldn't personally
wanna be in a relationship
where my life solely revolves around the other person.
You need time to cultivate your own interests
and work on yourself
so you actually have something to bring to the table.
And honestly, sometimes when your partner is
trying to minimize your other passions
or turn you against your friends,
it's kind of a manipulation tactic.
They're trying to make you fully dependent on them
so you have nowhere else to go and no one else in your life
to point out all their red flags.
I don't think a relationship should be about
merging into one entity
that is useless without the other person.
Because if you get too far into it,
you're gonna lose sight of who you were
before you started dating.
Just like with anything though,
it comes down to what you and your partner agree on.
If you both wanna spend 24 hours a day holding hands
and staring into each other's eyes, go for it.
That's awesome.
I'm not gonna stop you.
But that's what really gets me about these comments is that,
for the most part, everybody's just arguing
for their own personal preference,
in a relationship that they're not a part of.
If you see a video like this and you think,
"well that wouldn't work for me.
"Or my wife and I could never do something like that."
that's literally fine!
Because you are not in the relationship.
Like I just don't understand
the need to go around imposing the rules
of your marriage onto everyone else.
Like what's the point of even trying to argue
with how this couple lives their lives?
They've been together for 13 years.
If this lifestyle was unsustainable for them,
they wouldn't have been able to sustain it.
If you see this couple happily on the same page
about something and then decide that actually,
you know what's best for them more than they do.
No, you don't!
Shut up!
In classic internet fashion though,
I found another TikTok
that's almost exactly the same as these ones,
but all of the comments are angry for the opposite reason.
- After our kids go to bed, this is how my husband and I
have been spending time together at night.
I am rewatching all the Marvel movies
and my husband is over here,
racing in his racing simulator. (laughs)
So we're like kind of together right?
- Now, I'll admit,
the vibe is a little different in this one.
Whereas the other people were like proudly saying,
"Hey, this is something we do.
"This is what works in our relationship."
This woman seems a little bit more unsure.
It also kind of looks like maybe she's been crying
but I don't know her life.
I'm just gonna assume that it was from the movie.
Ultimately, I don't know.
And I'm not gonna speculate it on it too hard
because this is an Instagram reel
and I don't know anything about these people.
Is what I would say if I wasn't a crazy person.
"She just wants him to do what she wants to do."
"Yeah, she's not happy.
"Something's going on."
"She is low key, putting him down
"instead of just talking to her husband,
"instead she tries to make a video
"and post it trying to shame him."
"Could you cry a little less?"
"Have you offered or shown any interest
"in playing games with him?
"Reach into his interests.
"I understand that you are not enjoying this quality time,
"visually obvious."
Now the thing that these comments all have in common
is that they're all working off of an assumption.
We have decided that this video is not sincere
and since that's now a fact,
that we all can agree on, it's okay to bully you for it.
So I was curious, I found them on TikTok.
I just saw this one on Instagram
and they made multiple follow up videos
where they had to be like,
"guys, can you stop telling us to get a divorce?"
Like, "we love each other, we love our kids.
"We spent a lot of time together.
"I was just kind of tired 'cause we both worked all day
"and you guys are looking into this way too hard.
"Please stop, it's weird."
Okay, so mystery solved, right?
And now that we have that context,
I would like to present to you
one of the most unhinged comments
I have ever read in my life.
"I am certain that the purpose of this video was
"we've got this whole history
"and all I'm asking for him is to sit here
"and watch these movies with me.
"I even put on Marvel movies, 'cause he likes them
"and I want to bait him over here to spend time with me
"because he never spends time with me
"after all that we've been through.
"I don't even care about Marvel movies."
Right, because Marvel movies over boys
and women can't like superheroes.
"I'm just making sacrifices to stop enjoying my life
"not doing things I want to do
"or grow as a person, have a hobby,
"all for him to just pay me the slightest bit of attention.
"No one appreciates sacrifices they didn't ask for,
"do what you want to do.
"If that doesn't feel like quality time,
"speak up.
"If you feel like this relationship
"is costing everything you want from life, speak up.
"Otherwise shut up."
Holy shit.
We're not even halfway through by the way.
"And if you do speak up, and that's not what he wants,
"it's okay to move on with your life.
"If you feel like you could do better and deserve more,
"go reach for it.
"But don't go crawling back just
"because you don't like the new life you have
:after you've thrown away your old one
"and destroyed all semblance
"of peace for yourself and your family.
"Stop wasting your time doing things
"that don't make you happy, you literally have this one life
"and you're choosing to cry on TikTok
"rather than make a meaningful difference.
"Obviously he's happy and comfortable the way it is
"and if you divorce him,
"he'll probably just enjoy more of his free time
"after a fucked up dark period of feeling worthless
"and that nothing that he does is enough.
"Because that's what you are saying here.
"Nothing that has happened before was enough for you."
Absolute insanity aside, he based this entire rant
on the assumption that she's pretending to like the movies.
Like you never stopped to think, "Hmm, what if this thing
"I'm making up isn't actually true?
"That would kind of destroy my entire argument
"and make me look like an asshole.
"Nah, I'll do it anyway."
Isn't it fun though, that the internet is so used
to just yelling at each other all the time
that you can post two videos
with essentially the same thesis
and cause a riot for two opposite reasons?
Social media is so fun.
I'm having a great time.
Now if you're anything like me,
seeing all of this unasked for discourse
kind of makes you never want to post
any private information about yourself
because people are just going to use it to bully you
or speculate on your behalf.
You might even think to post a TikTok where you're like,
"hey, my partner doesn't post about me on social media
"but that doesn't mean the relationship doesn't work
"because he loves me in real life
"and that's really all that matters to me."
Only to find out, that even that's wrong too.
God, and don't even get me started on parenting TikTok.
I would never in a million years post a video of my child
because I'm just gonna get a bunch of comments
from people telling me that I'm doing everything wrong.
Like you'll see a video of a kid falling down, right?
I'm not saying I seek those kind of videos out or anything
it's just sometimes they pop up and I watch them, okay?
But the kid will fall down, right?
And the mom will be like, "oh no, are you okay?"
And someone will comment "wrong, let her get up on her own
"or she'll never learn how to be independent."
And then you'll see the same kind of video
where the parent will instead be like
"Hey buddy, you're fine, just shake it off."
"Wrong, she's clearly hurt.
"You were supposed to keep her safe and you failed,
"and now she'll never trust anyone and it's all your fault."
It's like, okay, what am I supposed to do then?
Because it doesn't seem like anything is right to you guys.
What's ironic about this though,
is I feel like a lot of these kind of commenters
are the same people who will shame young people
for not having kids yet.
Come on guys, be useful to society.
Give birth already!
And then post about them
so we can nitpick all of your choices.
Really though that's just like the whole internet right now.
No matter what kind of content you're making,
no matter what you're doing, you'll just be living your life
and then someone will be like,
"That's not how I would do it."
Well I didn't ask, buddy.
Now the last video I wanna point out
has some pretty insane discourse.
Partly 'cause I found it on Twitter.
I mean in general, when a TikTok gets reposted to Twitter
it's not usually like,
"hey, look at this funny TikTok I found."
It's like, "hey, look at this piece of shit I found,
"we should set their house on fire."
- Day one of being a stay-at-home husband.
(upbeat music)
Made us some tea and cuddled on the couch.
And then I started to pack her lunch
before she went to work with all her favorite foods.
Snuck in a love note.
Drove her to work.
- You get the idea.
You know, it's a guy who loves his wife
and is clearly doing a good job of taking care of her.
They seem to be in a healthy, happy relationship.
Not really anything to judge, right?
"This is more disturbing than gore."
"In what universe is that a superior life to living alone?"
"It's a terrible lesbian couple."
"Okay, I lost it at the Beyond Meat jerky."
I'm sorry, was there like a meeting they all went to
where they all decided one day (laughs)
that all the guys like this on Twitter
have to change their profile picture
to some random dead guy statue?
What does it mean?
Every time you see someone on Twitter
with a profile picture like this,
I promise you, they're about to say
the worst take you've ever heard.
"The only thing gay here is using a straw at home."
(somber music) Fellas,
is it gay to drink stuff?
Have you noticed that like everything has discourse now?
Everything is it debate even if it doesn't need to be.
And some of it is constructive
of course some of it is very much worth having.
But then I'll see people arguing about like,
which basketball player having a better season
or how much cream you're supposed to put in your coffee.
Like the fate of the world is on the line.
I feel like there's this anger
that seeped into every part of the internet
and it's so hard to avoid
without just staying off of it all together.
Like you'll see the most innocuous comment in the world
that for some reason as 97 replies and you're like,
"huh, what happened here?"
And the most recent reply will be like,
"no, I'm not the one defending genocide.
"You're the one!"
It's like, huh, how did they, what?
Who even brought that up?
And I think what really sucks about it
is so much of it is by design.
Like there were those documents that came out
that showed Facebook's algorithm
was more likely to suggest something
if a lot of people were using the angry reaction emoji.
And then outside of Facebook, on Twitter,
I've noticed that a lot of times the tweet
at the top of a thread, is not the one with the most likes,
but the one with the most replies
because it's the most controversial.
It is the most likely way to stretch out
the amount of time you spend on that thread
because now instead of just the one original paragraph,
there's now dozens of insane ramblings
for you to scroll through.
Even Instagram is starting to show
some of the worst comments near the top.
That's how I found the ones in this video.
I wasn't scrolling to the bottom, they were at the top.
And it's all because a computer told them
that these kind of comments increase engagement.
Let's not worry about what kind of engagement.
Let's not worry about the fact
that this specific kind of engagement
actually makes people feel like shit
and they're worse off when they leave the app
than they were when they came onto the app.
And not only is this making
the overall user experience more negative,
but by showing the hateful comments to more people,
because you know,
that's what will get them to interact with it.
Aren't you like actively encouraging people
to write hateful things?
Like most of the time if someone's being an asshole online
they're just doing it to rile people up.
They're doing it to get a response.
And if the algorithms did a better job
of flagging and suppressing those things
and maybe after a while those people would be like,
"hmm, it seems my efforts are fruitless.
"This is no way to spin my days.
"I need to get my shit together."
And then they like put on a suit and tie.
But from like the user side, our side,
I don't really know what the answer is besides just like
spending less time on the internet.
It just sucks though 'cause sometimes it's really fun.
You know?
Sometimes I don't get pissed off at all.
I just laugh a lot.
I like the internet.
I like connecting with people across the world.
I like finding new talented creators
and following them and seeing what kind of stuff they make.
There's so much good out there.
I just, I wish it wasn't so depressing sometimes.
Anyway, for all the people
who have sat through this whole rant
and didn't care
'cause they don't really listen to me when I talk
and they only watch these videos
to see the ad read at the end.
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Well guy, I forgot to write an outro.
Hope you have a good (stammers) weekend.
Or,
I actually don't know when I'm,
I might be posing this on like a Wednesday.
Anyway, thank you so much for watching.
I'm gonna go do jumping jacks outside of a gym
until they are so impressed