>> That was seven.
We're doing eight.
Like I said.
You don't listen.
>> Shut up.
[ Bleep ].
>> This is probably your better
followers up.
>> Chelsea handler right there,
pure gold.
That is just one of the many
reasons why we love her.
>> A ray of sunshine right
there.
She's back at it with the new
stand-up tour, called vaccinated
and horny.
She joins us now.
What's up?
>> What is happening?
>> You and this workout.
Please tell me you and Ben are
besties.
But this is how you relate.
>> No, no, he drives me up a
wall.
No, and just you guys giving him
airtime at all is, like, almost
an insult to me.
Because he loves that.
>> Well, I love seeing what he's
doing.
Because I love all your nudes.
I follow everything.
I like to streak, too.
Your body looks sensational.
What is the key to looking --
you look fantastic.
>> I appreciate that.
I work very hard at keeping my
body together, so to speak.
Especially since I turned 40.
You want to remain strong and
you don't want to get old.
It's just a fight at this point.
It's just a fight.
And I'll do whatever it takes.
>> Listen, you are winning.
>> Look at that, Scott.
>> The ones with the leg up,
that's all glutes and hamstrings
there.
Are you training like this when
you're on tour?
>> It's called vaccinated and
horny.
So, yes, I'm training for the
second part.
>> I want to talk about that.
Because you talked about dating
in covid.
How does it work?
You get guys you're interested
in tested, then if they get
cleared --
>> No, you can get, like, you
can purchase these at-home
testing kits, which is what I
did.
You have one of those, you give
them a nasal swab when they get
to your home.
You have outdoor drinks to keep
your distance and remain
responsible.
Then you give him a covid test.
It takes 20 to 30 minutes, and
within that 20 to 30 minutes, if
the guy says anything to annoy
me at all, I can just tell him
he's positive and he goes home.
[ Laughter ]
>> It's not going to work.
Maybe in a couple of weeks.
>> Thanks for coming.
For the tour, what is most of
your material going to be about?
>> Oh, well, about the men that
I met during covid for sure.
There's a lot to discuss on that
front.
It was men in general,
specifically white men.
Obviously there needs to be a
louder message so everybody can
just figure this out and win
together instead of so much
separation.
I've never been shy about what
is going on in society, in the
moment we live in.
We're all just coming out of
this terrifying 16 months and
we're not out of it yet.
I want to bring people together
and celebrate togetherness, you
know.
And, you know, all of that good
stuff.
So I'm pretty excited to be on
the road.
I'm excited to be one of the
first events people will go to
after covid.
>> Speaking of, in Nashville, we
saw that you and Reese
Witherspoon met up.
What is it like to know these
kinds of friends are in the
audience sometimes?
>> I love when my friends come.
I've been doing this a long
time.
They know me.
So when I'm on a rant about
something, and then they always
know that it's going to end up,
you know, in my standup or in my
special.
And you can always draw from
that.
And my experiences are always
completely out of whack.
You know?
I don't have a good sense of
safety or responsibility.
I talk about how, you know, how
confident I am in my
decision-making skills.
To remain childless and single
during this pandemic proves to
me, I know what I'm talking
about.
[ Laughter ]
>> Chelsea, I love your group of
women friends that you hang
with.
Jennifer aniston down.
Who gives you the best advice?
>> Reese, I spent time with her
in Nashville this past weekend.
She gave me some great advice.
Just life advice.
Talking about all that stuff.
She's one of my oldest friends.
So, yeah, she's a smart cookie.
>> What advice did she give you?
>> I can't tell you that.
It's too long.
It would take too long.
>> She just seems like the kind
of girl that would give you
great advice.
What about "The morning show," a
little cameo?
>> Who wouldn't like to watch
that.
>> You talked about remaining
without kids and single in the
pandemic.
Is there no part of the kids
journey that is appealing to
you?
>> I want to be really honest
with you about something.
Nothing serves as a better
reminder than waking up and
having a joint for breakfast.
And that's my life.
I know that I can give more to
people being childless than I
could if I had a child.
So being more of a contributor
by abstaining.
And Chelsea, we touched on your
nudity at the beginning of the
show.
It's one of our favorite things
about you.
The video of you skiing with
flags on.
How did this come about?
>> I'm a good skier, and a good
drinker.
When I have an opportunity to
combine any of my passions, I
do.
And it was my birthday.
I do an annual skiing video
every year, and who filmed me?
My friend who always films me
doing it.
I wear a robe, I don't fall.
I'm not doing anything very
difficult.
And I have a joint in one hand,
and a margarita in the other.
People, get after it.
You know what I mean?
Don't take yourself too
seriously.
My nudity isn't trying to be
sexy, it's trying to make fun of
all of us.
>> It's what streaking is all
about.
>> It's the first time I ever
wanted to go skiing.
I was like, this is what skiing
is about?
>> It is what skiing is about.
>> Scott, I'll film.
Tell us about your podcast, dear
Chelsea.
What is some of the advice you
give out?
>> We get a lot of serious
calls.
I like to give advice, tell
people what to do.
Especially if they're feeling
insecure, or self-conscious.
I like people to be a little bit
braver.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, make a
decision, take a leap of faith,
get out of a relationship that
is not working, separate from a
family member who doesn't accept
that you're transgender.
I want to be your best friend
and big sister.
It's turned into something where
people really call in for
serious advice.
Sometimes I'm a little bit out
of my wheelhouse, we've had to
have some experts call in when
it's a serious matter.
But for the most part, people
really just want a little shove.
And they don't want to get it
from the circle of people they
always get it from.
They want somebody with an
objective point of view.
>> My mom says, it sounds
different coming from somebody
else.
Have you ever give anybody
advice, and been like, oh, damn,
I might have pushed them too
far.
>> If I don't know what I'm
talking about, in terms of life
skills, I won't give somebody
that kind of advice.
If I really don't know.
>> Okay.
>> And that's where other people
come in.
Yeah, I'm responsible in that
way.
I don't want to get my medical
license taken away.
>> We'll ask you for some fake
advice in a minute.
But you posted a video about who
would your dog choose, you or
your housekeeper?
>> A sensitive subject.
>> Chelsea, she has bacon.
>> Needless to say, it was not
Chelsea.
>> Bacon?
She had peanut butter in her
underwear.
What is going on?
I'm launching my vaccinated and
horny tour at the Santa Barbara
bowl on August 21st.
But my housekeeper, who my dog
obviously prefers over me,
anytime she sees that I'm out of
town, she's like, I'll take both
of the dogs.
On mother's day, this year, she
took the dogs.
>> We're coming to Santa Barbara
to see you, and do a whole
behind the scenes.
>> I can't wait.
>> Who can we stalk, who of your
famous friends will be there?
This is "Access Hollywood."
>> Usually, a bunch of famous
people will show up.
But I don't know.
I can't sell tickets based on my
famous friends.
>> Listen, I'll bring the
margarita and the joint, we'll
be good to go.
>> We'll go skiing.
>> That sounds good.
>> Okay, let's see what kind of
advice you will give fake
people, dear princess.
>> It's a letter from Disney
princesses who need your help.
Dear Chelsea, I've fallen head
over fins with a handsome
brunette.
But I can't talk, at all, ever.
Should I stay silent or stay
with my crabby friend who
accepts me for who I am?
>> Yes, crabby friend.
It's a no-brainer.
Don't get it twisted.
>> Here we go, the ocean is
calling me, literally.
My dad is too scared for me to
leave the island.
Should I leave or stay home to
make my daddy happy?
Yours truly, island girl.
>> I'm not trying to make
anyone's daddy happy, and
neither should you.
[ Laughter ]
>> This is wild.
Okay, dear Chelsea --
>> These are real princesses.
>> Dear Chelsea, somebody
slipped something in my apple
when I wasn't looking.
Now I'm cooking and cleaning for
seven little dudes I don't like,
and will never date.
How do I get out of it?
>> Run away as fast as you can.
A train, plane, car, a scooter.
>> Chelsea, you made our day
today.
Have a great time on your
vacation, congrats on the tour.
We need this.
We need you in our lives.
>> We will be there at the Santa
Barbara bowl on August 21st.
Don't miss it.
Check out her website for more