My ex can't decide what they want. What are you supposed to do when your ex is indecisive
about maybe small things, like even getting together, or maybe even big things, like even
getting back together with you and actually having a relationship? That's what this video
is about, but first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the
great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without
having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that
you are not because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person
that you are. And if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up
and send a message to YouTube letting them know that this is a good video that might
help other people out and they might want to think about sharing it. That's what you
do when you vote with those thumbs up. Also, we are going to be talking about your
ex's emotions and their own emotional journey through indecision and confusion in this video.
If there is a path forward, we have to get through this indecision. And if you would
like some help on guiding your ex through any indecision that they might be going through,
we do have a course called the Ex Solution Program. It helps them through what we would
call the five stages of getting back together so that they can eventually get into a place
where they feel comfortable, excited, and inspired to actually want to be in a relationship
with you again. Anyway, not going to twist your arm for that, but if you are interested
or curious, there is info on that in a link in the description box below this video.
Okay. Let's go ahead and get into this. If your ex is feeling indecisive about getting
back together with you, about maybe even something smaller, like meeting up with you or talking
to you or texting with you or something like that, then they're feeling torn. When your
ex can't decide, they're feeling torn. There's a part of them that wants to do it. There's
a part of them that wants to be close to you. There's a part of them that wants to have
this emotional connection that they know that they can have with you. And there's also another
part of them that's being held back either for internal or external reasons.
Internal reasons might include things like doubt, that might include things like still
being emotionally hurt or wounded from things that happened in the past during the breakup,
before the breakup, even after the breakup, depending on how that all went. It could also
have to do with external things as well too, and these could involve things like, okay,
maybe they're in a rebound relationship with someone else and that person feels uncomfortable
with your ex texting with you because they're worried that the two of you are going to get
back together and they're going to lose their relationship. Or maybe there's friends that
are saying, "Oh, you shouldn't talk to your ex," or things like that. There could be all
sorts of external things. So, what do you do? Well again, we want to
look at the emotional level here. We don't want to look at all of the hundreds, countless
possible external things and try to micromanage those because what is at play here is the
emotional connection. And so, when we look at the emotional connection, there's a part
of your ex that wants to move towards you, and there's a part of your ex that wants to
move away from you or is afraid to move towards you or wants to keep distance from you. So
what do we do? Look at that part that's holding them back, that's pulling them back, and we
start to address that so that the part of them that already wants to be close to you
will kick in and actually move forward. It's like when there's a tug of war and you
have these two teams, both pulling in different directions. If one team just lets go, the
other team just, boom, gets all the momentum. And so that's what's at stake here. If we
can just get the negative side, the part that's pulling them away from you to let go, then
they will just automatically move towards you and fall right into your lap, whether
that is for big things like getting back together or small things like just texting, hanging
out, spending time, interacting, stuff like that.
So how do we do this? Well, we have to look at what are some common reasons why your ex
might feel that indecision, why they might feel that distancing urge, that urge to create
distance between the two of you, or that hesitation, or that negative force that is repelling them
from you, and we want to look at where that's coming from. And that can come from a variety
of different things. Very commonly, it happens because your ex is very outcome focused. They're
very relationship focused, as we would say. That is to say, they think that if the two
of you are interacting, if the two of you are talking, if the two of you are spending
time together, that it means this is all building up towards a relationship. And especially
in early stages of the two of you connecting, that is probably too big of a thing to think
about, to entertain, to make a decision on, when the emotional connection isn't fully
developed. What we want to do is we want to shift their
focus from being relationship focused down to being connection focused because when they
are connection focused, they can be lost in the present moment connecting with you, bonding
with you, getting close to you, seeing what's possible between the two of you, seeing if
they even enjoy spending time with you, allowing themselves to actually enjoy spending time
with you, and so on and so forth. And this can happen when we decrease those expectations.
What we do want to do is we want to decrease those expectations. This is where things like
saying, "Hey, don't worry. Let's just be friends for the time being," can come in handy because
we're giving them permission really to let go of that urge to try and rush to define
where this is going. What is this all leading up to? Are getting
back together? Are we not getting back together? What if you think we're getting back together,
but I'm not ready to get back together? Does that mean that I'm a person because I'm leading
you on? Does that mean that I'm stringing you along? Does that mean that I'm one of
those people that give someone false hope and uses them or something like that? And
so, when we can decrease that expectation, shift from relationship focus to connection
focus, that's when we can give them permission, allow themselves to give themselves permission
to spend time with us, to interact with us, and to actually build up that emotional connection
one layer at a time so that as the connection gets stronger, they actually are equipped
to make that decision to get back together with us.
By the way, if you want to learn more about this emotional connection business that I
keep talking about, you might want to check out our video series on what we call advanced
relational skills. This is how we break down and look at how an emotional connection can
be formed. We have a video series on that right up there in a video card. Let me just
get the angle right. It should be right over there. Anyway. Check it out. If you want to
learn more about that, it's a great starting place, a great foundation for a lot of people
who are looking to learn more about connecting emotionally.
But we want to give them permission to do this. We want to give them permission to actually
connect with us emotionally, because if they don't have permission to connect with us emotionally,
then they're not going to start to build up that track record of positive, emotional experiences
and positive connections that are going to allow them to actually say, "Yeah, I do want
to spend time with you. Yeah, I do want to get back together with you. Yeah, I do want
to make these changes," whatever that might be, break up with this person or rearrange
my life in some way so that we can get back together. And they need that emotional foundation
first. They need that history, that track record of being able to connect with you.
If they don't have that, they're not going to be able to decide.
If your ex can't decide, you need to get them to actually give themselves permission to
spend time with you and give themselves permission to interact with you because that is going
to build up those emotional connections one at a time, one layer at a time, until you
have this nice, substantial, emotional connection that you can then leverage to create much
stronger outcomes by bringing up sensitive topics or by having bigger asks like, "Hey,
let's get back together." That's obviously a big ask that if that emotional connection
and that foundation isn't there, it's probably not going to go over very well. You may have
experienced that. I remember I experienced that when I was back in damage control mode
back during my own breakups of the past. And I'd say, "Hey, let's get back together." And
she'd say, "No, I don't want to." Why is that? Because we didn't have that emotional foundation
in place. Once we had that emotional foundation in place, she did want to get back together,
but that is a story for another day. What we want to do is we want to give our
ex permission to spend time with us by decreasing those expectations, releasing those expectations,
and allowing them to stay focused on the present moment so that they can connect with us, bond
with us, get closer to us, and actually build up that emotional foundation so that they
have the tools and the history and the emotional readiness to make that sort of decision. Okay.
That's really what I would suggest if your ex can't decide. It's a really important thing
is we got to release that negative side so that the positive side can do its work. Okay.
If you do want to learn more about that, we do have our course called the Ex Solution
Program. You can find out more about that in the description box below once again, but
otherwise, thank you so much for watching this video. I hope you found it helpful. If
you did find it helpful, please make sure you hit that thumbs up button. It helps us
out with the YouTube algorithm and be sure to subscribe to this channel as well, too,
so that you can get updates whenever we post new videos on this channel. But thank you
so much. And if you do like what we're doing here, please make sure to check out this video
series over here on your Ex's five stages of getting back together. It walks you through
their emotional journey of confusion, or you might want to check out this video right here.
Once again, thank you so much. My name is Clay and I'll talk to you next time.