I'm here to address the allegations
of inappropriate behavior on my part.
It's amazing that in 2014, there can still be a witch hunt.
I'd like to thank everyone who has stood by me,
especially my beautiful husband, Trentman.
Yes, you have a question?
Can you explain the graphic photos of yourself
that you tweeted?
I tweeted those photos privately to my doctor,
who was available only via direct message.
I see, so your doctor's Twitter handle is
"Hung as (bleep)"?
Correct. Dr. Hung.
He is Korean, and yes, my vagina's in perfect health.
Thank you for your concern.
What about the lewd texts sent from your cell phone
to college-aged interns?
I-- What do you consider lewd?
"Your (bleep), my mouth right now."
Okay, that was an autocorrect issue.
Now, I'd like to focus on the work I've done
since I've been in office.
Have there been some scandals? Yes.
Have I done a good job?
No.
Well, that's why I need another term.
Why did you send the guy an invite
to your pussy on Facebook?
That was a misunderstanding. I'm new to Facebook.
You put "invite" and then "pussy."
I mean, how confusing is that?
Would you comment, please, on allegations
that you were seen coming out of Slayer's dressing room
with your face and hair covered
in what appeared to be tapioca pudding?
Um... no.
We were going through your old yearbook,
and can you clarify your senior quote,
"Where you see a fist, I see a comfortable chair"?
I at this time would like to take the last question.
Is anything related to not what you just asked?
Yes?
Yes, what about allegations you had sexual relations
with Chris Christie's dog walker
while on government property?
That wasn't a dog, that was a prostitute,
and it was at my gym.
(all shouting)
Okay, well, looks like you caught your witch, all right?
This is just a case of slut-shaming.
This slut is not ashamed.
Especially of the perfect puss pic I tweeted?
You're welcome! You are welcome!
There are more where that came from, okay?
If you're lucky, you'll catch another glimpse.
At this time, if anybody has any further questions,
you can address them to my campaign manager... Damone.
Isn't that right, Damone?
That's it for questions for the congresswoman.
Her husband will make a brief statement
while I talk to the congresswoman in private.
I just want to say that I love my wife and I'm standing by her.
Our private life is just that, private,
and I don't think that she should be punished
just because of the perfect pussy picture
that you guys published.
Thank you.