Hi, in this video, I'm going to share
four ways for you to activate a man to choose you consciously.
[music]
Hi there, ladies, Mat Shaffer, your empowerment,
connection and relationship coach here.
I am a former attorney who chose to use his powers for good and has committed
his life to helping women around the world create more fulfilling connections
and relationships with men.
I absolutely love what I do and I'm so excited about the topic
of this video, four powerful ways,
four powerful concepts for you to understand
if you want a man to choose you consciously
over and over and over again.
I do this with my clients all day
and I'm really excited to share it with you as well.
Before we do that, take a second, hit that little subscribe button
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I have created a great training that I guarantee
you will make a huge difference in your relationships
and connections with men.
Let's dive into this topic.
I want to start off by talking about another thing that I hear
a lot out there in the dating world, the concept of getting a man
addicted to you. Have you heard about that?
There's a lot of coaches and a lot of speakers out there saying do this
and do that to get a man addicted to you so that he can't live without you,
but I have a question for you.
Do you really want a man to be addicted to you?
Do you want to be this involuntary choice that he can't help but make?
Do you want him to give up his free will and his discretionary thought
and just be uncontrollably,
all the time pushing in towards you all the time?
That doesn't sound like fun to me.
That doesn't sound like a magnetic expansive partnership.
I have experienced addiction in my own life
and I have experienced addiction with people.
I'll be the first person to tell you there's a codependency there.
It's not a healthy relationship to be in an addictive cycle
with another person or a substance or anything.
Let's release the thought of addiction as the relationship that we want
to create with another human.
Let's reframe it that instead of wanting to have a man addicted to you
through some strategy or tactic
or manipulation that's not sustainable anyway,
you want to have a man who consciously chooses you time and time and time again.
I'm going to give you four concepts that if you understand and you operate
from them consistently, you're going to activate his desire
to consciously choose you over and over and over again,
which is going to create the empowered partnership
that I know you're looking for with a man.
The first thing a man needs to feel in order to consciously choose you
is he needs to feel that you see him,
that you truly see and appreciate him for the man that he is,
not necessarily by what he represents to you,
maybe as a potential father or a potential provider
or anything like that, but that you really see
and honor him for the man that he is.
You showed up.
When you met him, you showed up present,
you showed up connected,
you showed up and really took him in and didn't impose in the early stages,
a timeline, a deadline or anything like that
because I'll tell you, when a man feels like he's being put in a box,
especially in the early stages of dating, he doesn't feel seen.
He feels like there's an agenda there.
He feels like this might be a baby daddy audition or that this is
because you want to get married and is this guy a good candidate for that.
I'm not saying don't go into dating with intention.
I'm not saying don't go into dating with an understanding of the kind
of relationship that you want and the kind of goals that you want to create
with your partner.
In order for a man to consciously choose you,
he needs to feel that you're there to really connect with and see him.
He's going to want to spend more time with a woman that he feels
truly understands and appreciates and wants to get to know him.
By you showing up present, by you showing up engaged,
by you being curious about who he is and what he's up to in the world,
you're going to create that feeling with him that, wow,
you really are interested in who he is.
That's going to make him want to hang out with you more.
That's going to make him want to choose to spend time with you
over other options that he may have available
Another thing that's critical for a man to consciously choose you
is that he perceives and experiences you as a higher-value option
than other women that may be available or the field,
if you will, everybody else that's out there.
How can you demonstrate your value to a man in a way
that elevates you above the other options that he may have available?
One of the first and most important ways to do this is by holding your frame
with him I talk about this on other videos and I'm going to talk about it again.
Holding your frame is you really owning your preferences.
It's owning your opinions.
It's not being afraid to tease him if his opinions are different than yours.
Really, being in ownership of who you are, what your story is,
being able to speak your mind and let him know if you don't agree
with something that he's into.
Maybe you have a difference of opinion on baseball and he loves baseball
and you think baseball is ridiculous.
Being able to tease him about that,
being able to hold your frame and playfully jab him about his frame
is a powerful way to demonstrate that you are high-value
and you're not going to just collapse who you are into who he is.
Another way to establish value with a man is to powerfully
and lovingly express your boundaries to him.
Express your expectations around how you want to be treated,
how you expect to be treated
and the sort of behavior that is important to you.
I invite you to do this through positive boundary statements,
by letting a man know and by communicating to him
that you would love it if we went on dates every weekend,
that you would really appreciate it if he would text you,
that it would feel so good to hear from him during the day.
When you can express boundaries to him in a loving, inviting,
heart-centered way,
it's going to create value in his eyes and he's going to respect you more for it.
Another extremely important way to demonstrate value to a man
so that he wants to spend time with you and wants to choose you
over everyone else that's out there
is that you demonstrate that you have your own life and your own passions
and your own interests outside of spending time with him.
No man wants to feel like he is the sole focus of your life.
He's going to respect and honor you more if he sees that you've already got a life.
You've got friends.
You've got things to do.
You've made yourself your first priority.
That's very attractive to a man.
It shows that you value yourself.
If he can see that you value yourself,
he's going to value you in a deep and powerful way.
The third key to getting a man to consciously choose you
over and over again is to foster and create
deep magnetic polarity with him.
It's important to recognize that when we enter into a relationship
with a man, there is a container that is created any time
that we're interacting and engaging with a man.
There's a container.
That container has a masculine side and a feminine side.
Polarity is created between you and your partner
when, for the most part,
he is on the masculine side and you are on the feminine side.
There's this charge that's created between you.
That is the nature of polarity and it's super important.
How do we create polarity with a man?
Well, fundamentally,
you want to be inviting him to be the masculine figure in the relationship.
The feminine energy in its most pure,
most magnetic form is surrendered and inviting and warm and soft
and it's really asking the masculine to step up,
step in, and go into action in a way
that's going to create safety for the feminine.
It's going to create adventure.
It's going to create fun for her.
Are you fostering that kind of inspiration in him?
Are you throwing him the ball? Are you inviting him to plan dates,
to take action,
to give him opportunities to show up for you as a man?
If he is feeling like you are recognizing him
in his masculine and you're giving him opportunities and inviting him forward,
he's going to feel the pull of that polarity with you.
He's going to get maybe even a little addicted to it,
not to say that you want to go all the way down that rabbit hole,
but it's okay for him to feel that pull and feel that draw towards you.
That's the nature of polarity.
It's like gravity.
It's like a physical force.
Be conscious about being in your feminine
and really inviting him to step deeper and deeper into his masculine.
If you can foster that polarity,
he's going to want to spend more time with you
much more so than other women
who maybe try to control him too much or try to keep him in a box.
Always keep that in mind.
If you want a man to consciously choose you time and time again,
are you giving him the opportunity to be deeply in his masculine
and giving him opportunities to step deeper and deeper into that space?
The last thing I want you to focus on to get a man to consciously choose you
is the question, does he feel emotionally safe with you?
This is so important.
It's so important that a man feels emotionally safe with you.
Does he have permission to be vulnerable with you,
to talk about his feelings?
What's the most powerful way for you to create that with him?
To create that emotional safety is to lead by example.
To be vulnerable.
To be open with your feelings and to ask him about his.
You have such power to really create a safe space for a man to connect
with his heart and to put words on his feelings
that honestly he doesn't have in a lot other areas of his life.
He feels emotionally isolated.
A lot of men feel very emotionally isolated
when they're out in the world.
If you can be that sanctuary for him, to be in his heart,
to speak about his feelings and you ask him
how he feels on a regular basis and you make that invitation to him
to really put words on his feelings with you
and that you actually want to know how he feels,
it's going to create that emotional safety.
It's going to make him want to spend time with you and choose you over and over.
There you go.
Four powerful ways for you to activate a man's desire to choose you consciously
over and over and over again.
If you can do these four things consistently with a man
that you're getting to know, he's going to feel amazing
and he's going to feel empowered when he's around you
and he's going to choose to spend time with you as often as possible.
Not because he's involuntarily addicted to you
but because you make him feel amazing.
Who doesn't want to feel amazing more of the time?
I hope you enjoyed this video.
If you did take a second.
Hit that little subscribe button
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I've created a great training that I promise is going to make
a big difference for you in your relationships.
I'll see you next moment in my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.