Hello. This is 6 Minute
English from BBC Learning
English. I'm Neil.
And I'm Georgina.
Georgina and I have got
to know each other very
well after working together
for so long.
I know what sandwiches
Neil has for lunch. Egg and
tomato right, Neil?
Right! And I know it
really annoys Georgina
when people don't wash
up their cups in
the staff kitchen.
So unhygienic!
But just as important
as getting to know
someone, socially or at
work, is getting on
with people. To get on
with someone is a useful
phrasal verb, meaning
to like someone and
enjoy a friendly
relationship with them.
Which is really important
if you work with
them every day!
And there's another word
to describe the good
understanding and
communication between
two friends: rapport.
Yes, how to build rapport
and get on with people
has been the subject of
many self-help books
over the years, and is
the topic of this programme.
Well, you and I must
have great rapport,
Georgina, because that
leads perfectly onto my
quiz question. In 1936,
American writer Dale
Carnegie wrote a famous
self-help book on building
rapport. It sold over
30 million copies, making it
one of the best-selling
books of all time - but
what was it called? Is it:
a) How to get rich quick?,
b) How to stop
worrying and make
friends?, or
c) How to win friends
and influence people?
I think I know this, Neil.
I'm going to say, c) How
to win friends and
influence people.
OK, Georgina, we'll find
out if that's the right
answer at the end
of the programme.
When it comes to
getting on with people,
psychologist Emily Alison
has a few ideas. She's built
a career working with
the police as they build
rapport with criminal suspects.
Emily is the author a new book,
'Rapport: the four ways to
read people' and, as she
told BBC Radio 4
programme All In The
Mind it isn't easy to
get along with everyone:
I often describe
rapport-building in a
relationship as like
walking a tightrope
because you really do
need to maintain that
balance of being
objective, treating
people with compassion
but that doesn't mean
I'm sympathetic, I'm
collusive - it's that
balance between
judgement and
avoidance.
Emily describes rapport
building as like walking
a tightrope, an idiom
to describe being in
a difficult situation
which requires carefully
considering what to do.
Building rapport with
"terrorists" or violent
criminals isn't easy. Emily
doesn't sympathise with
what they have done, but
she tries to remain
objective - to base her
judgement on the
facts, not personal feelings.
In her book, Emily identifies
four main communication
styles which she names
after animals. The best
at building rapport is
the friendly and
cooperative monkey.
Then there's a pair of
opposites: the bossy
lion, who wants to take
charge and control
things, and the more
passive mouse.
Here's Emily talking
to BBC Radio 4 s,
All In The Mind, about
the fourth animal, the
T-Rex. Try to listen out
for the communication
style of this personality:
You've got the T-Rex
which is conflict - so this
is argument, whether
you're approaching it
from a positive position
where you can be direct,
frank about your
message or you
approach that in a
negative way by being...
attacking, judgemental,
argumentative, sarcastic,
and that actually breeds
the same behaviour back.
So anyone who has
teenagers will 100%
recognise that - if you
meet sarcasm with
sarcasm, it's only
going to go one way.
All four communication
styles have good and
bad points. On the positive
side, T-Rex type people
are frank - they express
themselves in an
open, honest way.
But T-Rex types can
also be sarcastic - say
the opposite of what
they really mean, in
order to hurt someone's
feelings or criticise
them in a funny way.
Yes, sarcasm is a
strange thing - like
saying, "Oh, I really like
your haircut", when
in fact you don't!
Yes. There's an English
saying that sarcasm
is the lowest form
of humour, but I
think British people
can be quite
sarcastic at times.
Well, I can't image
you'd make many
friends being rude
to people. Maybe they
should read Dale
Carnegie's self-help book.
Ah yes, your quiz
question, Neil. Was
my answer right?
In my quiz question,
I asked Georgina for
the title of Dale
Carnegie's best-selling
self-help book about
building rapport.
What did you say?
I said the book is
called, c) How to win
friends and influence people.
Which is the correct
answer! And I guess
you've read it, Georgina,
because you have
lots of friends.
I hope you're not
being sarcastic, Neil!
Absolutely not! I'm
not a sarcastic T-Rex
type, more of a
friendly monkey!
OK, well, let's stay
friends and recap
the vocabulary from
this programme, starting
with rapport - a good
feeling between two
people based on
understanding
and communication.
If you get on with
someone, you like and
enjoy a friendly
relationship with them.
Walking a tightrope
means to be in a
difficult situation
which requires careful
consideration of
what to do.
To be objective is to
base your actions on
facts rather than
personal feelings.
When building rapport
with someone, it's good
to be frank - to express
yourself in an open,
honest way.
But not sarcastic - to
say the opposite of
what you really mean,
in order to hurt
someone's feelings
or criticise them in
a humorous way.
Well, Neil, if we run
over six minutes
we'll break our rapport
with the 6 Minute
English producer, so
that's all for this
programme! Join us
again soon for more
trending topics and
useful vocabulary...
...and remember to
download the BBC
Learning English app
and stay friends by
following us on
social media.
Bye for now!
Bye!