...in Heartful Communication training, we suggest that instead of getting furious...
you know, often we get furious when we are responding,
let us try to become more curious instead.
Furiousness vs Curiousness.
Namaste. Welcome back.
Today, let us go deeper into this essential aspect of Heartfulness Communication,
especially Listening.
I would like to talk about how we can develop Empathy
and be able to bring this ‘Loving Approach’ into our listening,
even in the most difficult situations.
When we are quiet inside, centered in our heart,
able to retain our meditative condition, we can more easily be fully present.
Plus, we gradually develop poise.
And this enables us to be in the midst of all kinds of turbulence without being thrown off the balance.
‘Poise’ is an interesting word and a condition.
If you look it up in the dictionary, you will see some associated words
like ‘equilibrium’, ‘steadiness’, ‘presence’, and ‘grace’.
‘Graceful’ means full of grace.
Poise can be like that soft radiance emanating from the Absolute, from the Source.
Also, use those five minutes in reinforcing this idea that,
‘Everything surrounding me is absorbed in Godly Remembrance.’
That will also shift your inner condition.
It will make you even more softer and centered and poised.
When we develop a habit of becoming quiet and listening attentively,
we realise that this listening is a golden key in arguments or conflicts.
Listening is a golden key in any argument or any conflict situation.
It can diffuse an angry situation remarkably, rather very quickly.
Anger simply tells us that there is something that really matters to that person.
In other words, they have needs and those needs are probably not being fulfilled.
And that is how they express the unfulfilled expectations.
So in the face of anger, it is helpful to take a pause.
By intentionally creating this space, we give ourselves the possibility
of responding in a choice-ful way,
instead of having a knee-jerk reaction and you just react and shout and scream.
You know, Victor Frankl, the Holocaust survivor, wrote in his book,
it is a brilliant book
I quote,
Freedom from unhelpful, habitual ways of interacting.
We may not be able to control events.
But what we can control is how we respond to them.
Meditation, it helps us.
It helps us to develop alertness, to become more aware,
to become more sensitive,
and the response that comes from within.
In Heartful Communication training, we suggest that instead of getting furious…
you know, often we get furious when we are responding,
let us try to become more curious instead.
You will enjoy this - Furiousness vs Curiousness state of mind.
We can be curious, interested in what unfulfilled needs might be there in the other person.
That is the main cause of anger and all criticism.
So you see, ‘Empathy first, solutions last’ and it will emerge.
We humans are actually wired for empathy, for connection.
In our brains, are what are called ‘Mirror neurons’ that fire when we see
or hear someone going through a particular experience.
And this enables us to feel the person, identify with that person.
If you like to venture into the deeper meanings of ‘Mirror Neurons’,
I wish you Google it.
You will really appreciate the value of understanding Mirror Neurons.
Without empathy, communication will be mechanical and superficial.
Our hearts would be left out in the cold, so to say.
It is really important to remember that empathy does not mean agreement.
Let me repeat:
We can empathize with someone with whom we disagree, or whose behavior we do not enjoy.
It is one of the reasons why parents find it hard to empathize with their children
because they imagine that showing the child that they understand her or him
when the child is doing something that they do not like,
is like agreeing with them or that you are okay when they continue doing something wrong.
No, it is not.
If the children feel that they are being understood for their feelings and needs first,
you have a much better chance of finding ways to move forward together
and maintaining boundaries,
or guiding them towards inculcating good moral values.