Hello fresh!
So, Transformers: Siege has all but come and gone at this point.
Everything's out, it was pretty great, and it's already being muscled off the shelves by its successor
which must mean we've reached the stage of the Generations marketing cycle
when they release a flaky, sub-par CG internet show just one short year after the line peaked.
Yes indeed, the Transformers: Siege Netflix original "anime" premieres this very day,
instantly dating this video and looking like a right barrel of laughs,
with trailers suggesting a grim tone, bleak visuals,
and all the maudlin war-is-hell misery that kids and adults despise alike.
But here's the thing -
what if it's good?
Stay with me. Look! I know we all saw how the Prime Wars trilogy came out, all right?
And I know we all know YouTube thrives on "thing bad",
but I do LIKE Transformers! I crave quality official Transformers content.
I can't wait to be blown away by compelling Cybertronian stories!
I do want Transformers stuff to be good!
I mean, by the time this video goes live we'll all have insta-binged the entire thing anyway
and we'll know that it was (overdub) HAD ITS MOMENTS
but as of the time of filming, God we need something.
Anyway, the Siege story very much appears to follow a pretty traditional Transformers formula
with the Autobots waging their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons
led by the maniacal Megatron in full warlord mode
having apparently conquered Cybertron using POV extreme wet mouth sounds ASMR
and what this all means for my little show is that his excellent 2018 Siege figure is relevant again!
So, as is Siege's wont, this manky-lookin' megalomeatbag cuts a respectably killer figure
with a classically-styled G1-ish design replete with a hyper-modern astro alt mode
and I'm not sure exactly what it was but I didn't like it at first.
I mean, I didn't hate it, I wasn't mad, I was just like,
(indifferent grunt)
But now, I don't know what the problem was. He's great!
'Cos check it out, the vibe is very much all-business ubervillain Megatron.
This is not cheeky Saturday morning Megatron hatching silly Energon-laundering schemes
and whimsically tripping over Starscream.
This is
who will A: indoctrinate you into his murder cult or B: murder you.
Either way, somebody gettin' murdered.
Anyway, he's certainly built like a bad guy, goin' super hard on the heavy-set brawn bod style
and stern stocky stodginess!
I love his giant filthy grey body slab bearin' down on ya like a pain wall!
He really looks invincible, y'know? Bulletproof! Like he's made of concrete.
Like, even his cartoony core control panel and sensual black undies
can't dispel the overwhelming smell of murdery hell!
Head's a diabolical doom dome fully complicit in the eyebrow conspiracy
and the face is beat for the gods in a subtle silver with cheeky contours
and I guess he has actually got those luscious love lips
although they are, admittedly, only an echo of his on-screen snog hole.
Not a lot of neck on the go though - like he can look around well enough, but it's all very scrunched.
Like, he's all shoulders.
Backpack's kind of a lot an' all - like a pair of gigantic scorched Flintstones beef steaks chillin' on the rack.
I feel like it's kind of okay, like, it's the only spot with any kibble.
The rest of him's so tidy, I feel like this is probably fine. Carry on. Great work.
Anyway, the arms are similarly
with these beefy bicep blocks, cheeky faux-trigger shoulders, and jubilant jointage!
The wrists are a bit of a bummer with these huge empty hand voids and pesky peekaboo weapon ports.
Like, I don't think they're bad enough to actively ruin it, but... not great.
Legs, again,
with huge hefty hateshins and wonderful wedge feet!
Again, there is some emptitude, and the ankles are plenty peculiar.
Like, they've got this odd tilty section which can be reluctant to snap into place
but like, the heels are super helpful, knee joints are nuts,
and man, I feel like Siege's dizzying detail work did so much of the heavy lifting!
Love these huge circular screwholes!
They're so obviously functional, but they've just worked them into the scene. They're a feature now!
So physically, Megatron's a fairly fearsome autocratic arsehole
and when it comes to weapons he is NOT screwin' around.
Check out the fusion cannon there, lookin' black and bold and basic
and for once it's not permanently attached to his arm so he can just hold it like a normal gun
- ooohhh, that don't sit right.
And brace yourself for a rare appearance from Megatron's giant sword that he has occasionally
but not always, for some reason.
I call it the "Sometimes Sword". The "Maybe Blade"!
This is some weird shit, man.
Like, it's trying to be a sword, but it's actually just a thin, swordy crust around another cannon?
Which, again, would have been cool if it didn't just have some of a sword on it
so it doesn't really work as either.
Pick a thing!
And while we know that Siege is pretty hot on the whole accessory-swap interplay thing,
only Megatron would be enough of a bastard to make his mates carry his stuff!
'Cos look at this, you got this little back-mounted gun barrel thing here
which completes the old-school cartoon model look and also makes a handy hammer handle
but like, it belongs to Soundwave.
And it's perplexing, 'cos Soundwave can't do a thing with it!
and it doesn't suit him or enhance his vibe in any way, so it's gotta be this!
It's the perfect size and colour, it's got the little notch. It's definitely for Megatron!
Oh Soundwave, you simp.
Am I using that right? I kinda hope not.
Transformation's pretty great!
The body barely budges, but the backpack really brings it!
I love how the legs bend and spin and then hook over the hips
and the arms cheekily fold up to form the turret on this turntable you didn't even know was there!
And then the sword slinks through underneath!?
Amazing.
And the alt mode's ace, obviously!
Just a savagely solid straightforward space tank that perfectly encapsulated the spirit of Siege:
sleek and spacey and mean, like a strikingly stripped-down and startlingly direct depiction
of Megatron's down-and-dirty, battle-ready side!
Yes indeed! Check this thing out, tearin' up the frontlines with twin tapered treads and this twisty terror turret!
Love the friggin' dreadnought barrel blastin' out the front, like a natural extension of the fusion cannon
which is embedded in the middle there, like Megatron's very heart!
Does grind a bit goin' around, but he's tough. He can take it.
And I do love that, amidst all the weaponry and pure unfiltered threat of this thing,
you've got this little normal boy headlight section just chillin' out in there.
Hey man, safety first, all right?
Admittedly, it does have a bit of that bloke-lying-down four-crawler energy
especially with his entire unmoved body section and cheeky eyes peekin' over
as well as the viciously visible pumps and pants
but overall, it really works!
I think this is genuinely the first Classics-esque
Deceptiking that I'd be totally satisfied to call my collection-default Megatron!
'Cos much as I've enjoyed most of the other Generations ones, there was always an asterisk,
always something that disqualified them from being retail-tier go-to Megatron material
but this one basically nails it! It's like they finally got This Idea right.
They stripped out all the silly spring-loaded gimmicks and semi-sensical extra modes
and dialled down the Cybertron styles just enough to make Megatron a nice clean cyber tank
that's streamlined and scary and wants you to know that yes,
somebody gettin' murdered.
So, whatever happens with the Netflix show,
you gotta hand it to Siege for delivering a best-in-class Big Four Deceptisquad in gorgeous Voyager scale!
If only it hadn't been for those bloody paint jobs!
I know we've talked it to death, but it is still a problem! It is still on there!
I think that's where my initial stab of frustration came from, 'cos it looks pretty good,
but it's just a touch too dark, it's gloomy and dirty and scabby,
and y'know they've re-released it for the Netflix tie-in,
and it's even gloomier and dirtier and scabbier!
It's friggin' Cristina Scabbier.
We've had a Selects one based on some unused G2 nonsense
which I notionally appreciate, but don't... want.
And check out, if you will, this beautiful special edition cel-shaded one!
This is extremely slick! Like it's a lot brighter and livellier
and these Sunbow-ass light streaks are extremely in tune with the exhausting onslaught of 1980s nostalgia.
Can't believe it's STILL ongoing. They're gonna ride that til the f***in' wheels fall off.
So, who am I kidding? This is really cool!
But it still feels a little over-stylized when what I'm crying out for is just a normal one.
A clean one. And there isn't one!
Not yet, anyway. There's mileage in this thing yet, baby!
I mean, they didn't stop re-releasing the Classics one for like six years, so who knows!
Maybe they'll do a splotchy purple and green one as well!
But I think I retroactively like this one now 'cos it's just the most sensible of a very non-sensible bunch.
And as a figure, it's just about the ideal modern, standard, G1-aesthetic Megatron!
Although I'm pretty sure I say that every time they do one.
It is always true though! these friggin' Generations megatrons just get better and better!
SO FAR.
Right, that's the end of that one.
All right! Back on with the Megatron!
Before I go, massive thanks to Rudy Gregory over at Shackstoys for hookin' me up with the cel-shaded boy!
And massive Patron-style thanks to Andrew Kelly! Thank you, my friend!
See you at Not-TFNation.
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Limited appeal, keeping it real.