Hello, my friend.
OK--
Hello, my friend.
--so I didn't want to play it for you back there.
I wanted you to hear it.
What do you hear, "laurel" or "yanny"?
I heard two different things.
Really?
Yes, because I then heard it backstage before
you played it up here, and I distinctly heard "laurel."
And then, I heard you play it out here,
and I distinctly heard "yanny."
Really?
Yeah, I think there's something in the program that flips it.
No, because I keep hearing the same thing.
Look, I'll play it.
I've always heard--
[AUTOMATED VOICE SAYING "YANNY" OR "LAUREL"]
Laurel.
[VOICE REPEATS]
Laurel.
[VOICE REPEATS]
[MAJORITY OF FANS AGREE WITH "LAUREL"]
Yes, but there are people--
how many "yanny?"
See, there are people that still--
You heard "yanny" this time?
That sounds like a different voice than the voice I heard--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
In your head?
In my head.
Yes, no, that I heard in the back.
It sounded more automated.
It sounded more robotic.
This sounds more like a manly robotic voice.
The other one was more robotic.
Well, this sounds robotic also, doesn't it?
Not as--
Really?
--what I heard.
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Laurel.
Laurel.
Don't do that.
Laurel.
Don't.
Laurel.
Don't do that.
Lau-rel.
I know what's happening.
What am I doing?
[STAMMERING]
What am I doing?
Let's just keep going.
All right, let's go.
Do you ever thank me for your career?
I know you feel--
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, I know-- yes, I do every day.
Don't be sarcastic.
At grace at dinner, I thank you.
My children thank you.
Because we have a good life.
Yeah.
You gave us a career, and we're grateful.
I really didn't know that was the truth until someone finally
told me.
It's not the truth.
I will find the guy that wrote the script.
Which one?
Which script?
It was both Miss Congeniality and Speed.
Can I tell you what happened with Congeniality?
Yeah.
You want the truth?
This is what happened.
The writer saw you--
I think you were doing--
you were hosting something.
The Emmys.
And you were doing an interview about wearing
a dress and that you just didn't like it--
Right.
--or didn't feel like you.
I had to learn how to walk in it.
And he went-- [GASP] and so maybe--
maybe he lied to me--
Yeah, he did.
--or maybe he did write it for you.
You turned it down.
I didn't turn it down.
It was never offered to me.
I found out--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
I found out later-- he said, you inspired me because you were
learning how to walk--
OK, see, that's like "laurel" and "yanny."
Inspired and--
No, and then he--
then he wrote it for me.
And I said, why didn't it get-- he said, I thought it did
get offered to you.
I said, no, it never did.
And it just went right to you.
Interesting.
So this is all new, Marc Lawrence, who wrote it.
Marc Lawrence.
Let's find Marc Lawrence.
Let's get him on the phone.
Can we get him on the-- yeah.
Yeah, I turned Blindside down, and you got that.
I did.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
But I appreciate it.
I appreciate it because--
I gave you a good life.
I get to come to the Ellen Show and eat all the chips.
Right.
Your daughter is adorable.
I know.
She's pretty great.
She's in the back eating all the chips.
Yes, she is.
No, she's so disciplined.
Sandy said just have half the bag, and she had half the bag
and gave it back.
She did.
That's amazing.
But she's also eating the other half of the bag of the Cheetos
and the other half of bag of the Funyuns.
Right.
And she's 20, right?
How old is she?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Yeah, she's 5 and 1/2.
She's 5 and 1/2.
And Layla, is that her name?
Laila.
I call her Layla.
That's what I hear.
I heard Layla.
It's all-- it's all--
And then Louis is the little boy.
He's eight.
Yeah.
Did they like each other right away
when you brought them home?
Yes, that was all his decision.
He wanted his sister--
and he knew she was his sister.
But now, there are moments when they want to kill each other--
she more him than him her.
But I like that about her.
I like that she'll take a knife and cut a guy.
I just wanted to take off the edge.
She will be the one to steal the car.
She's watching.
Right, Lai?
You're going to steal the car.
But I think by that time, we'll have drones,
and the chips in the heads will be legal.
So we'll just monitor on an iPad.
We'll just turn it right around with our iPad.
Wow.
No, that's not going to happen.
You don't know.
No, I watched The Jetsons when I was growing up.
I thought we'd be on jet packs right now.
That's not happening.
And have the spray face.
Remember, she went down the little thing, and she said,
I want this look.
[SPRAYING SOUND] And then, she put on--
Yes, The Jetsons.
We should do a movie-- and don't cut me out
of it-- let's do The Jetsons.
OK, OK.
Let's you and I do The Jetsons.
Who would we be?
I'll be the--
Judy?
Wasn't Rosie the maid?
The maid?
I'll do the maid.
Wasn't she a robot?
Yes.
Oh!
What's wrong with that?
Say "laurel" again.
I can do the robot.
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Laurel.
Laurel.
And so they're very different, you're saying?
Very different but in the best way.
Because we could use some of what she's got,
and she could use some of what he has.
They balance each other really sweetly.
And she did something that--
I won't say what it was, but I tried to get it out of him
because he's very honest-- that, you know, what did--
she goes, she didn't do it.
Well, maybe she did this.
And he kept coming up with scenarios.
And then, we put him to bed.
And he goes, I don't feel well.
I have this tickling in my stomach.
And he goes, ah, I have to tell you something.
And I said OK, what is it?
He goes, I can't tell you because I just
like her so much.
And I literally stopped and I said, dude, I said, it will--
Well, now she knows because she's watching.
She's watching.
It's not going to be good when I go backstage.
No.
Louis will be cut when we get home.
But he told us what she did, and I said,
I promise you she'll never know it came from you.
But just the fact-- he goes, I just liked her so much.
That's so sweet.
I know.
It's kind of-- [MIMICS SOBBING]
Yeah, well, she is watching right now,
and she does know that he told on her now.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh well.
We'll fix that later.
Therapy!
Because I've given you a career to have
lots of money for therapy.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]