In this video, I’m going to share 4 new ways that men test women and I’m going to
tell you exactly how to handle each test so that you increase your level of attractiveness,
you demonstrate your value, and you set the standards for your relationship.
Don’t go anywhere because we are starting right now.
hi everyone..
I’m dr Antonio Borrello and I’m a psychologist and relationship coach.
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with the people you love.
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OK.. on to how men test women.
A few months ago, I made a video and talked about just 3 of the ways that men test women
in the beginning of new relationships..
I’ll include a link to that video at the end of this one… but as a follow-up to that
video, I have four more tests then men are using to test the women they date.
And, believe me, both men and women test each other because they are trying to quickly learn
something about their new partner that they might not be able to determine by asking.
And since we all know that actions speak louder than words, people test because they want
their partner to demonstrate or prove something to them now…as in immediately.
So, men will test you to try and better understand your character, or to determine if you are
compatible and trustworthy.
And some men will test you to see what they can get away with too.
Now, the manner in which you handle these “tests” will set the tone for your relationship
or lack of relationship.
That’s why I’m going to tell you exactly how to pass these test.
So, without further ado, here are 4 more ways men will test you.
1.
The Jealousy Test The jealousy test is when a man is intentionally
trying to make you feel jealous by flirting with your friends or other women in your presence
and testing your reactions.
This is not the same as a man who is actually trying to cheat on you because if he was interested
in cheating on you or dating other women, he certainly wouldn’t be picking your friends
or people who communicate with you.
Instead, he is testing to see how you are going to respond to his behavior… are you
going to get angry, or go crazy on him?
Or, are you going to stand your ground and call him out on his behavior.
He’s also trying to get reassurance that you love him and care about him.
Because in his mind, if you feel jealous, then you must love him.. if you are indifferent
or don’t care, then you are expressing that you really don't care that much about him.
So, how do you handle this test?
Well, remember, he’s flirting because he wants you to notice and he hopes it triggers
some type of emotional response in you.
Instead, give him no reaction at all.
What you should do is ignore his behavior with no emotional reaction at all.
Engage in conversation with someone else, leave the immediate area and go to the restroom.
do whatever you can to ignore the behavior and give no reaction.
Remember, he knows exactly what he is doing.. he’s trying to make you jealous… and when
it doesn’t work.. he’s going to worry that you really aren’t that into him or
that you don’t care as much.
And when that happens, he’s going to work harder to gain your love and affection.
2.
Are you a loyal woman test As a man starts to fall for a woman, the answer
to one question becomes increasingly more important to him.
Is she a loyal person.
So, men test you in various ways to see if he can trust you.
Specifically, he wants to know that you are a woman who will not be easily seduced or
flattered by other men that may be more handsome, or richer, or more resourceful or have a higher
social status than him.
A man might casually begin this series of test by talking to you about your feelings
on the subject.
Perhaps he may mention a situation where someone was cheating on their partner and ask your
opinion about it.
In this case, he is trying to assess your values based on a hypothetical situation.
But he may also carry it one step further.
I’ve known men who will go so far as to have their male friends flirt with you to
see how you respond.
Are you flirting back?
Are you establishing good boundaries with his friends? and most importantly, are you
going to tell him about it?
Obviously if you are into a man, you’re not going to inappropriately flirt with his
friends.. but the real test here is if he can trust that you communicate back to him
and let him know what took place.
And, after when the time is appropriate, you can calmly discuss what you experienced.
3.
Do You Have a Life Test When two people get into a romantic relationship,
their two lives blur together and ideally, the two individuals become one couple.
And during this courting or dating phase, there are many opportunities where differences
in opinion or preferences will present themselves.
It Is during these times when a man will test you to see if he is your whole life, or if
you are able to maintain healthy boundaries.
In other words, he will test you to see if he can get you to change your mind about something
that was very important to you before you met him.
For example… let’s say you made dinner plans with one of your best girlfriends a
week in advanced, and he knows this.
Yet he calls you the day of your dinner and asks you to go out on a date…
And when you remind him that you have plans with your girlfriend, he acts like he completely
forgot, or never knew about the plans.
Then, he proceeds to ask you if you can reschedule with her because he has nothing to do.
Now, let me explain why this is a problem on so many levels.
First.. it is completely selfish and unacceptable for anyone to make that request of you.
It’s like he is trying to set up a condition where you must choose him over your friend,
despite the fact that you had an established plan with her.
that’s totally unacceptable.
And, if you were to respond to him and say..
I’ll reschedule with her.. it’s not a big deal, I want to see you too, then you
are letting him know that he can break your life habits and put you out of balance.
Secondly, you will come across as a pushover and he will begin to lose respect for you.
Instead, it’s important for him to recognize that you are a person who values your relationships
and a person who keeps her word.
And yes, maybe you would have rather spent the night with him..
I get that.. but you cannot let him over run everything that was important to you before
you met him.
That sends him the message that He is your whole life.. and while he might get a temporary
high from knowing that you disregarded your plans for him, it will be short lived.
A healthy, high value man will recognize that he has become your whole life and he will
start to see you as needy, clingy and dependent.
And those are not attractive qualities to a high value man.
So remember, make and keep your plans with your friends.
Maintain the friendships and hobbies you had before you met him… and invite him into
your life and allow him to add to it, instead of him becoming your whole life.
That is balance, and that is healthy.
So, when a test like that presents itself, how do you handle it..
In two ways.
First, you should obviously keep the plans you had previously established.
And secondly, if he pushes the issue and doesn’t immediately redirect himself, then it’s
appropriate to have a deeper discussion to address the issue head-on by telling him what
you've noticed and asking him about it.
His reaction will say it all: if he’s willing to acknowledge that he put you in a compromising
position, then it might be worthwhile to give him a chance.
This is a subtle way to say, you’re confident in who and what you are and you aren’t compromising
yourself, your commitments , or your friendships.
And if you bring this up and he dismisses your feelings and refuses to take any blame,
that's your cue to walk away from the relationship before his controlling, manipulative behavior
escalates.
4.
Do you value and respect yourself?
Of the four tests that I talk about in this video, when men test your value and self respect,
it’s probably happening on a subconscious level.
In other words, I don’t believe that most men think about and intentionally plan on
testing your self respect..
Yet these test happen during times of disagreement, conflict or fighting.
It happens when a man is rude, mean, or disrespectful towards you.
For example, you have a disagreement of opinion, or you have an argument or conflict and he
curses you and calls you a name or is intentionally mean or disrespectful.
The way you handle his behavior is going to set the precedence for your relationship.
So, what do you do.. well, it is important for you to maintain your composure and your
temper.
Despite the fact that your blood may be boiling, don’t go there with him..
don’t lose your cool, don’t go crazy and get angry and start shouting.
First of all it isn’t helpful, secondly, it gives him way too much power over your
emotions… he will then know how to trigger you.
Instead, calmly ask him if he thinks it’s ok for him to talk to you in that manner.
Ask him if this is how he normally acts, and then wait for his response and explanation.
If he is full of excuses or doubles down on what he said, it’s time to immediately leave
and go home..
You must show him with your actions that you will not tolerate his disrespectful bad behavior..
You must show him that you are not afraid to lose him and that you won’t let anyone
treat you with disrespect..
As Mark Rosenfeld says.. you must put your self respect above your feelings.. . … if
you don’t like the way he is treating you, you must immediately put a stop to it in a
calm way with your words and show him with your actions..
If you say nothing when he mistreats you, you are telling him with your actions that
it is ok for him to treat you that way, and of course, it is only going to get worse.
So, walk away and wait and see what happens.
When he recognizes what he did, he will be apologizing and begging for your forgiveness.
At that point, you can decide if you believe that he is sincere and if you’re willing
to accept his apology and give him another chance.
Oh.. and this is a likely outcome.. he may call you the next day and act like nothing
happened… that is not ok.. it’s not your responsibility to bring up the situation and
ask for an apology…
If I’m sorry is not the first thing he communicates, you must end the conversation and refuse to
talk to him until he does.
And lastly, if he doesn’t acknowledge what he did and apologize… consider yourself
lucky.. because you just dodged a bullet and avoided getting into an abusive relationship.
Btw, I’d love to know of situations that you’ve been in where you felt like a man
was testing you.
How did you handle it?
Leave a comment and let’s start a discussion..
We’ve been having some great discussions in the comments and I’m excited about this
one too.
So, leave a comment and I promise to respond.
Oh.. and If you haven’t seen the first video about how men test women, you can click here
to check that one out now.
Or, click here to watch the video that youtube thinks you will like.
I’ll see you in the next video.