The women-to-women discussions are
a safe space for friends and I to discuss how we've owned--
you get that, O-W-N--
our health, taking full agency of our bodies, of our minds,
of our souls and our spirits.
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I am so happy to catch up with my girl Kelly Coleman today.
I mean, this multi-hyphenate knows a thing or two
about entrepreneurship, about advertising,
about marketing, and of course, building Black women up,
all the while being a mom of a gorgeous and brilliant
10-year-old named Dylan.
A founder of 10 Nail Bar, a modern beauty
experience for customers with an emphasis on attention
to detail, community, and quality service,
there is no limit to what Kelly sets her eyes on.
Yay!
This is our pre-drink to our drink.
So I'm happy you came over first, so that way, we could
have a little rosé moment.
A little cheers.
It's good to see you.
Love you.
Thank you for having me.
So how are you?
I'm well.
I'm amazing.
Happy to be sitting here with you.
Well, welcome to "Own Your Health--
Woman-to-Woman Discussions."
I am so happy to have this conversation with you and just
talk about, quite honestly, the things
we talk about in real life.
The pandemic had us all like this.
Now you're in a new city.
You're co-parenting with Dylan's dad.
You are obviously managing The 10 from LA,
and obviously starting a new business as well,
and doing all those things.
Is it ever too much, especially coming
out on the other side of--
Yes, yes.
So it's so funny because--
I mean, there's all the talk of balance,
and I say "balance blah" because--
[LAUGHS] Wait, what do you say?
"Balance blah," because essentially, I
give attention where it's required, when it's required.
And I feel like you're always constantly prioritizing,
and you're going to give the required attention to what
you need to in the time.
Let's talk about what the journey with co-parenting is,
because you're one of the best moms ever.
You're like, OK, I got to go run.
Dylan has a basketball game, all the things.
So how did you get to a good place with him?
So journey is right.
OK?
Number one, it definitely has been a journey.
I think first thing--
we had to make sure and discover that we
were done with each other.
You can't effectively co-parent while simultaneously working
on figuring yourselves out and this push-pull
with relationship.
You're not co-parents.
You're in flux at that point.
So I think when it was like, OK, we
know that we're beyond this place of romantic relationship,
now we can focus on our roles as co-parents.
But those roles and those lines get
very blurred unless you can come to terms with the state
of your relationship.
That is so good.
I mean, you're talking blurred lines,
but I think what happens with a lot of us--
we position ourselves in relationship
and don't get the clarity.
And so then we're trying to do all the things.
And what you're saying, ultimately,
is that adds to the chaos.
That's right, yes.
And so when we realize, OK, this isn't
going to work between the two of us,
but we've always respected the type of parent--
basically, the type of parents we are to Dylan.
We've always respected that and observed that in each other.
So while sometimes, we clash on parenting style,
how to do things, what's allowed, that sort of thing,
I have nothing but respect for him as a dad,
and he has nothing but respect for me as a mom.
What was your mindset shift as you went through this major
transition not only of COVID but moving
to LA to be more intentional about how you co-parented?
Dylan's dad has always been super intentional about seeing
her on a very regular basis.
And to have that stripped from us
and being able to do nothing about it,
it really propelled me to say, OK, just like my daughter comes
first, the relationship that I have with her father,
the relationship they have with one another, that needs
to take precedence as well.
I want to talk about the cape and superwoman cape
that I know that you've worn.
Yes.
And you've talked to me about saying no more.
What inspired you to put the Superwoman cape down?
And we know that Black women deal with that.
And what does this newfound support
and being open to support and being open to the universe
for abundance look like?
So I think the cape covers too much
or allows you to cover too much.
So I think ultimately, I was living a life that, in a lot
of ways, was unfulfilled.
So you're like, I have this amazing life,
and why don't I feel fulfilled?
And this is shameful, and I feel guilty.
And I would be sitting here even thinking
I need to change something instead of dealing with it
and being vulnerable enough to say, no matter what someone
else thinks I'm supposed to do, what my life looks like, this
is what feels right for me, and this is what a fulfilled life
looks like to me.
So when I transitioned from a family business that
was very successful and definitely
closer to the corporate world--
to say that you're going to stop doing that,
to enter the beauty business from the ground floor--
it was like, what?
What you doing?
What is this?
What is going on?
But sometimes, your vision is not for everyone to understand.
I'm in a full abundance Mindset So it's like people--
we sometimes are crippled by self-doubt.
Other people around us, knowingly or unknowingly, plant
seeds that could be negative.
There's a lot of trauma that I'm actually working on healing
and in therapy actively right now, both in relationship
and personal.
And they're two different therapists.
That's fair enough.
There's that life coach, the therapist.
No, there are two different therapists and the life coach.
The reality-- and that's the other thing I think
that's so important about having these conversations,
because when people look at the filters,
you think that it's all--
but it takes even more to keep up.
Yes.
What prompted you, and when did you
decide that you needed therapy?
Because we're just starting to talk
about therapy in our community, and it's so essential.
Yes.
So I will say, yes, I subscribed to the stigma for a long time.
You did?
Yes.
And I think that's lack of exposure and discussion,
similar to what you're saying.
The first time, though, was when I was still
living in New York, new mom, having difficulty
in my relationship at the time, and also just
like not feeling like I was where I wanted to be
from a career perspective.
So it's all of the things happening at one time.
My heart just like-- because I felt it.
Yeah.
It was just a lot.
It was a lot at one time.
And I realized that I didn't have a handle on my emotions.
I was lashing out.
I was doing like the blame game thing.
I just lacked the ability to solve this for myself.
So basically, it was like, nothing I'm doing is working.
You know what I mean?
And I won't continue to feel this way.
There's no way I can continue in this emotional state.
My mental health was definitely in jeopardy.
I mean, I was depressed.
So at that point, my family friend really saved me.
And she is a certified life coach.
And I feel like she was a godsend because
of our personal relationship.
I was able to let my guard down when it came
to just therapy and guidance.
I applaud you, though, because first, thank you
for sharing so transparently.
Because I think that we also kind of skirt the language--
depression, anxiety.
Exactly.
And I've been there.
I know when I moved out here to LA, it was like--
In a--
I mean, you know, with the pandemic.
It was nuts.
But having that space to share--
and I think it's just so important that if we don't have
it in our sister friend circles where we have someone
with sage counsel and wisdom--
Yes.
That's what therapy is.
That's what support system is, is
connecting with people who have wisdom
that are going to support you.
I love this point about self-awareness.
We talk about self-love We talk about self-confidence.
We talk about self-growth.
But self-awareness is what actually drives all of that.
All of it.
And so if you're not self-aware to know that you
need to grow, that you need to expand,
that this is where you need to extend love or confidence
to yourself, then it's nothing.
So I love the consciousness.
Yes.
And I feel like you can be someone who is self-involved.
And to me, that is--
that's you at 1.0, or that's the immature version.
But self-awareness-- that, to me, is what
is always going to essentially just propel you forward.
I just feel like-- and to be able to receive feedback.
You know what I mean?
Just healthy interaction and relationship is the foundation
and grounding for so much.
People focus on the professional or the wins,
and there's less emphasis on the personal development,
like we always talk about.
And they're linked.
They're inextricably linked.
That's it.
You can't have the one without the other.
This is "Own Your Health."
How do you own your health?
I own my health by living unapologetically, being
self-aware, and taking care.
I love that.
What is the one thing you wish for all Black women?
I want Black women to be at peace.
I wish for peace for us.
And it seems really simple, but because we are juggling
so much, and sometimes there's a lack of empathy or compassion
for our journeys, for us, I just wish us peace.
I wish us well, true wellness.
So--
Love you!
For more women-to-women discussions,
subscribe to OWN's YouTube channel
and my Instagram-- @taibeau.
And if you want to follow along on Kelly's journey,
you can do that too on Insta at Kelli, with an I, M Coleman.
Thank you, baby.
Thank you so much.
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