*Disneycember Theme plays*
*Groans* Cinderella II: Dreams Come True.
and if you think that title is unbelievably boring and generic, well
you just summed up this entire sequel.
Why do people think there needs to be more than "Happily ever after"?
That's a perfectly good ending, it's the most popular ending of all time!
But no! This thrilling fairy tale needs to continue,
with the Fairy Godmother now living in the palace for some reason.
(I guess she wasn't happy just living as a pile of sparkling dust, however that works.)
but instead, she likes to read to her mice friends!
But, oh no! they want to do something nice for "Cinderellie"!
This is the major concern of the film.
so she recommends they make a book with all the fascinating stories that happened in the castle.
That's right! all three of them.
Because that's all that's worth telling in an hour and a half, and honestly I don't even now if those are really worth telling.
Yep, it's another one of those anthology stories
where they just throw three stories together, don't really connect them that well
and, well, everybody suffers for it.
The first story is about Cinderella learning how to be a princess.
She has to learn how to dance right, and dress right,
and turn away commoners, and cook boring food.
It's *Hard*.
But it's okay! some R&B pop songs help her out!
Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo, So This is Love, all these classic songs?
Hell with that shit that nobody will ever remember!
now we have pop songs, sung by pop singers whose names nobody will remember, even if they sneeze it by accident!
You want a real good laugh? Fast-forward to the credits and hear their R&B version of Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo
I'm not even kidding.
It's pretty hilarious.
But that's just one of the three boring-ass stories!
Jack is apparently tired of being a mouse,
so the Fairy Godmother turns him into a human!
But being a human is *really hard!* you can guess where this bullshit goes from there.
The last story is about her step-sister, Anastasia, wanting to get a date for the ball.
The fact that ANY of them would go to the ball after everything that's happened is kinda funny, but
what's even funnier is that Cinderella is TOTALLY okay with helping her out.
Yeah, all that sabotaging, locking her in a room? All forgiven!
Cinderella just wants her to discover how to be her true self!
But being her true self is *HARD!* *groans*
This sequel, in so many ways, reminds me of Belle's Magical World.
right down to all the stories that they try to tell and don't really tie them together.
Is it quite as bad as that one? I guess not.
I mean, the animation is ten times better than it deserves to be.
And give them some credit, they did try to tie it together, even if it was very loosely.
and they kept the stories really short, just down to three.
But, big shock, none of these stories are really interesting, and definitely not worthy of the title "Cinderella II."
At least Beauty and the Beast didn't call it "Beauty and the Beast III."
This is marketed as a direct sequel, and it's obviously not!
It's just some stories they threw together.
But, come on. haven't you always wanted to hear Cinderella say "This hair? EW!"
CINDERELLA: This hair! EW!
And haven't you ever wanted to see Lucifer wearing a Rastafarian hat?
Oh my god, WHAT!?
*stuttering* OH IT'S SO STUPID!
The only thing that *kinda* likeable in this whole thing, (again, aside from the animation.)
is, surprisingly, Anastasia is *kind of* a likeable character.
I know I made fun of the fact Cinderella helps her out, and yeah in the story it doesn't make sense, but
the way they animate her and the way the voice acting is done, I do genuinely kind of feel sorry for her.
It's the one thing I didn't really expect, and I guess it's actually done kind of okay.
I don't know, I feel they did a surprising, if not sporadic, job of suddenly making her kinda likeable.
But what does it matter? They still put her in the same bullshit stories with the same misunderstandings that
suddenly make everybody turn away and go "Oh no! he doesn't love me!" all that bullshit.
This movie's stupid. This movie's pointless. This movie's dumb.
I enjoy the animation, but that kinda makes me hate it even more!
This animation could have gone to something so much better!
I feel like it's just wasted! Everything is wasted! Except the opportunity!
because there is no opportunity, so you can't even call it a wasted opportunity!
I guess, if you have a little, little kid and they just wanna see Cinderella in a palace, try on dresses, spin around, all that nonsense
It's fine, I mean there's nothing ethically wrong for them, or anything.
But if you wanna show them a fairy tale that'll enchant and delight, this shoe is definitely on the wrong friggin' foot.
CINDERELLA: Ew!