As a parent, you're always taking care of your kids. Who's taking care of you?
Self-care strategies for parents, today at Live on Purpose TV. We're so busy
taking care of our kids. Sometimes we neglect one of the most important things
about taking care of ourself. Which seems kind of important because who else is
going to do it? Great, If not us. That really is one of our number-one jobs. And
I've shared this example many times before about when you're flying on an
airplane and the oxygen masks. So, we all know that example. You put your own mask
on first. This is so true in parenting. Yeah, we have to find ways to take care
of ourselves. But it's so tricky because parenting is an all-consuming job. We've
got a lot of ideas. We're going to share some of them here with you today.
Starting with, "Be intentional about this." Don't expect your kids to just offer you,
"Oh mommy, do you need a little bit of you time? You know, could you use just a
little downtime for a minute? We'll just take care of ourselves for a
bit." That's unreasonable, right? So, you need to plan for and make arrangements
for and get it on your schedule to do some kind of respite care. Yeah, you know
it's surprising. A lot of the times there are other mothers in your
community who are feeling similar. I've seen a lot of moms that they do a
couple of different things. Maybe they'll have a group. Everybody brings... I used to
do this with some friends. Everybody would bring a sack lunch for their kids.
And the moms would have a nicer lunch together and they'd all play. But then
we'd also do other times where we trade kids, so that I can have my very own time.
And then other times that I'll take their kids, so that they can have their
very own time. And this up an important part. You not only
want to find ways to... I think sometimes you just need to be alone. You know, find
ways to be alone. But also find ways to connect with other adults. Because it can
get really hard in parenting unless you reach out and become, you know, foster
some friendships. Especially with someone who might
have children in a similar stage and age as you have. I'm over here chuckling just
a little bit. Because of experiences that we've had. And I know you probably have
too. I remember when our son was. I think three. Vicki was in another room trying
to have a little bit of alone time. Yeah. She said, "Honey, I just need a little
privacy." Well, he comes trotting out to me. I'm in the other room and he says, "Daddy,
mommy needs privacy. Where is it?" He's three, right? I said "Go back and tell
her, it's all gone." Because it can feel that way sometimes, right? Get intentional
about how you're going to structure that. And it's not going to happen by default. So,
be intentional, plan it, work it into your day, work it into your plan, this is
important for your kids. And if you feel selfish doing it, remember the very best
thing you can give your kids is a healthy happy mom. Right. Or dad, or dad.
Mm-hmm. You know a lot of these ideas or how to get away on your own. But I think
that with our children, we need to find ways to bring some relief to ourselves
while we're in the act of active parenting. Because that's the majority of
our day. So, one of the things I was thinking of. A lot of women find respite
by journaling. Just talk about your feelings. Take a few minutes to journal.
And that's a really good way to take care of yourself. And this could be while
the kids are... Yeah, while they're watching something or playing something or you've gone out side. A lot of
times I used to go sit on the stairs and watch the kids play and do my own thing.
Another one is playing some music. Have some light-hearted fun music playing in
the background. You know, usually that cheers me up to
hear some upbeat music. I think that has some developmental benefits to the child
as well. Music is an interesting thing. Now, let me put it in a little caution
here. Because sometimes we just want to match our mood with our music. So, if
we're feeling angry, we wan to listen to some angry
music, right? This is... Typically, what we gravitate toward... Be aware that music has
the power to change your mood. And sometimes you can choose the music on
purpose that matches the mood you want to set. Right. Now, it won't feel natural
right at first. Because well I'm in a bad mood, I don't want to listen to this
happy music. But what happens is that music will help to retune you (Shall we
say?) to a new frequency. And it can be a way to elevate your mood. Another thing
you can do is go for a walk. Now, if you can do this in nature, it's even better.
But go out and get outside. Yeah. Get outside. You know, there's a lot of
the times that I used to just use walking. Either with a friend or with my
kids. I've done it before where I've had the kids in the stroller. I think I was...
Even one time I brought my own stroller, my kids were in school but my friend had
two toddlers. So we would go walking and I'd push one. But I think if you can go
for a walk, get some physical movement in. And the outdoors do wonders to our soul.
So, get outdoors when you can. The car doesn't count by the way. If you can... Well,
I can see outdoors, right? Get out, breathe some air, move your body around. This has
a lot of physiological benefits which have a direct impact on your psychology
as well. And your kids are going to enjoy it. Now, another one is finding a hobby you
like. This is really tricky because I think sometimes your hobbies have to
morph with your stage, your kids stage, your stage of life. And find a hobby. Find
something that you enjoy. I remember my mom telling a story how... When she was
just... My mom had six kids and in nine years. I think it was. So, there was a lot
of kids. And she was just kind of going crazy and she used to love needlework,
handwork, anything. And she said, "I'm just I'm not going to do it. I just don't have
time for it anymore." And after about, I think it was like
three weeks. My dad came to her and said, "You need to do some
needlework." Because she just is... She wasn't behaving the way she
normally would. If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Yeah. So,
find some sort of hobby that you enjoy. Even if it's for a small, a small little
something. But find something you can enjoy. You bring up an important point,
Vicki. Because many of the things that we're sharing with you are going to take
some effort. Yeah. And some intentional purposeful action to pull it off. Because
I was just going to come in with my next point which is get some regular exercise.
It is. When are you going to do that? Well, that's a pretty good question. And make
sure it's a question. Because sometimes our questions get turned into statements
disguise as questions. "When am I going to do that?" Like you can't, right? Just notice
if that's where your mind went with it. It's a pretty good question. "When am I
going to do that?" Which goes back to one topic that we have
constantly talked about. And that is build a community. Whoever your community
is. They might help you get to the point where you can take a few minutes for the
exercise. So, your community might include your spouse, if you're married. It might
include neighbors. Whoever it is that's on your team. You collaborate with them.
Well, I want to do this myself. Really? Can we just get past needing to do it
ourselves. We're not the toddlers, alright? They're the ones. Let me do it
myself. No, use your team. You are doing it yourself, if you engage your team or your
resources to allow you to do this. Right. It is you that's doing it. And it's going
to take some work. It's worth the effort. And I could even share studies with you
about how taking time for yourself or exercising regularly actually increase
your productivity. Mm-hmm. You'll be able to do more and better if you'll do these
things than you can do without them. So, don't get stuck in that trap of "When
would I do that?" Make sure it's a question. When would I do that? And then
get to work on it. You know, another thing that really helps us
boost our energy and how we're feeling is actually to do a very... Just do
something small. But do some sort of small kind act. Now, it could be as easy
as quickly as just writing a note for a friend. Or taking a plate of cookies to
someone. And you'll be surprised at how much that fills your bucket to just do
some small... Now, I know you moms are so busy.
Don't overdo it. Don't, you know, put yourself way out on the ledge or just
something huge or outlandish. Just something small. Find some way. You'll
find that, you feel better if you just reach out to someone in an act of
service or kindness. This changes the focus and actually enhances your own
mental health. And so, this is almost paradoxical. Yeah.
Because to really take good care of ourselves, we need to forget about
ourselves a little bit and reach out. Mom's do this all the time. But it's
usually within the realm of me and my children here, right? So, we're talking at
this stage about looking beyond that. To your community, to people who could
really benefit from a little plus from you. Another thing you can do. Now, this
kind of sounds interesting but maybe it's okay to just give yourself
permission to have a blue moment. They're going to happen aren't they? Yeah. So, go
ahead and plan for and say, "You know, I'm going to go ahead and feel blue for the
next 12 minutes." You know, I don't know. Whatever it works for you. And just
give yourself a moment to feel blue. You know, sometimes we try so hard to be
someone we're not. Go ahead and be in the moment. If that's what your blue is. And
then plan for another something. One way maybe to counteract that is choose one
thing during the day. One thing that you know you're going to have to do either
way. Or that you're going to get to do. And just really savor it. Maybe you're
going to really savor your shower this morning.
That is the one thing I am going to savor, my shower. You might have to lock
the door but you're going to savor your shower. Or maybe you're going to savor
one other activity that you get to do or the dry. After you've dropped off your
child. You're going to savor that quiet moment driving
back home. When you say savor, Vicki. That brings to my conscious mindful being
present in the moment. I remember a time when our kids were little and I was
doing the dishes. This was at a time we didn't even have a dishwasher. And I
remember thinking, because one of my coaches had told me, "Hey, be present. Be in
the moment. If you're doing the dishes, enjoy doing the dishes." And I'm like, "What?"
Is that even possible? But it's really interesting when you bring yourself to
that present moment, so whatever task you're doing you can put yourself into
that savoring mode by being very present and conscious and aware. And so, as I'm
doing the dishes, I'm feeling that warm water on my hands. And thinking, "Well, that
feels nice." And I'm noticing the dishes as they glisten as I take them out of
the the rinse. Well I know this sounds a little nutso. But you're doing so many,
very mundane routine things every day. Be in the moment, savor that, enjoy the
present. Which brings me back to the thing that I wanted to kind of wrap up
with here today. And that's a perspective. This is a time, this is a season of your
life and of your kid's life. And by the way, this is their childhood. Yeah. You
know how we all go back to, "Oh, well in my childhood this and that happened." This is
their childhood and they don't get two of them. So, let's enjoy it. Have a
perspective that this is a gift. There is a rich experience in front of you every
day. As you enjoy this stage of life and stay positive and stay conscious and
connected to your kids. Conscious parents make a huge difference. We're going to help
take care of you too. We're on your parenting team now. We've got other
resources that we would love to share with you. Connect to that right over here
with the parenting power up. That sound good?