(suspenseful arcade music)
(jumping)
(dramatic music)
- Hey, that's not-a the right music,
Luigi, you been missing with my iPod shuffle again?
- (Robotnik) Oh boy, I really did it this time.
- Bowser, prepare to..
Uh.. Who are you?
- My name is Dr. Robotnik.
Normally I fight this hedgehog guy,
total asshole, by the way,
but I'm always losing. So me and Bowsie decided to
swap games to see that would go.
- Hmm. Okay.
- Wait, Is Bowsies' archnemesis a pudgie
middle-aged plumber?
Wow. This is too rich. My guy is a supersonic speedster
who can slice through chunks of land and
go super saiyan sometimes. What do you do?
- Well, I get a little taller when I eat a mushroom.
Sometimes I wear a cape.
- (laughs)
Oh my God.
I am never letting him live this down.
Come on, let's fight so I can seal the deal.
- All right, but you don't know what you're
going up against.
As soon as you start dropping wind up toy bombs, I'm gonna-
- Wait, is your strategy dependent on me
dropping wind up toy bombs?
- Um..
Yes.
- (laughs)
That was the easiest thing ever.
I bet Bowsie's getting his ass handed to him by Sonic.
- So let me get this straight Eggman's archnemesis is a
goddamned oversized forest critter,
who can't touch pointy objects?
This is going to be too easy.
- I'll show you.
(arcade attack sound effect)
- So easy. God. You know, I could probably do this against
Mario too if I would drop the wind up toy bomb angle.
Shit. You over th- you over overthink things.
I've been overthinking the problem.
And almost like I'm trying to entertain someone,
who am I trying to entertain?
Simply- keep it simple, Bowser, simple.
(arcade coin sound)
- Tails. Where's Luigi?
- We decided to do a swap for the day.
You know, mixed things up a little.
- Oh, sounds good. Well, you wait for your turn
- Turns? Pff.. Come on, buddy. Let's fly.
- I love flying. Let's be careful though.
We only got the three extra lives.
- Three? M-dog, I've got infinite lives.
I'm basically like if Hugh Jackman in The Prestige
was a furry.
- Wee!
(dramatic arcade music)
Ah man, I cant break any of these of bricks
without a mushroom.
- Don't worry your tiny little head
(jumping sound effect)
leave it to me.
- Whoa. How did you do that?
Do you have spiky hedgehog quills too?
- (Tails) Nope. No clue why a fox would be able to do that.
- He's-a the best sidekick ever.
Oh man. I bet Sonics having the worst time
with Luigi right now.
(electronic music)
- So, can you fly?
- Yeah, if you got a Tanooki tail.
- Do not have mythical animals of Japanese folklore here,
Just robots.
- Oh, well don't worry, I've got lots of special skills,
like jumping slightly higher than Mario.
(laughs)
Is there a bathroom in here? I have to take a Luigi.
- Ugh.
(arcade coin sound)
(athletic theme music)
- Hey! Easy with the head punches, Fatso.
I'd like to see you do this.
- You got the easy job.
I'm the one who has to do the hard stuff.
Wear capes, kick shells, explore the castle.
- Well, why don't we switch places and see?
- Well all right. Hop on.
- (stammering) Not so fast. Shoes only.
- Uh, shoes only?
(dramatic theme music)
Well this isn't so bad, nice weather..
- Hey New Yoshi! go eat that cactus.
- Um. Alright, can I get a fork?
- Eat it with your tongue.
(gulps)
(whines)
(relaxed theme music)
- Let's go. Speed it up, ride bitch.
- I think I'm bleeding internally.
- Oh, what do we have here?
- Oh God. Oh God. No, please.
- Payback time, New Yoshi!
- Ahhh..
- Ah man. That feels sweet.
- (Mario) Hey, a little help down here.
- You're alive. How is that possible?
How? How is he still alive?
- Okay, Maybe I deserve this.
(arcade coin sound)
(electronic music)
- Hey, it's Andrew from Dorkly
and Pikachu, Andrew from Dorkly's dog.
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- Oh wait, this isn't the my stop.
Hey, come back, come back.
- (Bus driver) No.
- Son of a bitch.
Eh, I'll just walk. How hard can it be?
(dramatic sound)
(jumping sound effect)
Come on! Die!
- Hi. Hi, I'm sorry. Could you hurry it up?
I kind of actually want to be destroyed.
- (sighing)
I'm a sorry. I swear. This never happens to me.
- Uh huh, sure, buddy.
(dramatic sound)
(theme music)
(crashing)
- Oh God, my legs!
(dramatic sound)
- Prepare to die, trespasser!
- We'll see who is dead once I hit you a three times.
- (laughing)
- What's so funny?
- If you want to leave, you'll have to hit me eight times.
- No!
(relaxed theme music)
(whirring)
- So, what is that now?
- I don't know. I'm gonna touch it.
(crushing and yelling)
- Oh, shit!
(arcade coin sound)
- We at the Video Game Henchmen Exchange Program
place henchmen in different games to give them more
experience and broaden their horizons.
- Oh, great. Like a semester abroad?
- Uh, Yeah, something like that.
(dramatic arcade music)
- Hey, you're not Team Rocket, Ahhh!
(arcade sound effects)
- Oh, uh oh, oh wow. What is this? Is this for real?
(laughing)
Hey, man, it's no fun if you don't run.
Come on, I'll give you a headstart.
- Please stop looking at me.
- You know what? Now I don't even want to eat you anymore.
Way to ruin this for me, dude.
(spooky arcade music)
- Ah, some ghosts.
I'll just look at them and they'll freeze.
(yelling)
- Don't worry, tiny forest critter trapped within,
I'll rescue you.
(whirring and thudding)
Hmm. There should be a rabbit in here somewhere.
(upbeat arcade music)
(wind sucking)
(vomiting)
(upbeat arcade music)
- Okay, I am not comfortable with this.
(arcade coin sound)
- Looking for a change of scenery?
Tired of fighting the same old protagonists?
Well, we here at The Video Game Henchmen Exchange Program
are here to help you explore whole new worlds
for a minimal fee of 10,000 coins, rings, or gems.
(athletic arcade music)
(chiming)
- Hey, no fair. Stealing abilities is wrong.
Wait, but then I,
oh God, am I the bad guy?
- Oh, this is nice. Lots of airspace to fly in,
No plumbers trying to kill us. What game is this again?
He had the gun right against the screen!
I call Shenanigans!
- Oh no, a zombie.
- Oh, holy water. Wait, is it.. is this just regular water?
I'm from Ghosts and Goblins bud,
that does nothing to me and I'm gonna crack you
like an egg and drink your brains. I'm so sorry.
(upbeat arcade music)
(chiming)
- I am Bahamut, scourge of the skies, king of all dragons.
Know my fury!
(echoing shots)
Oh, come on. All right. That was a 9999.
- So let me get this straight. Everyone calls me
Cute Skelly Boy? No one's tried to whip me to death
and we don't try to kill anyone?
(game character language)
Goddammit. I would leave, but I really want to draw
fan art of me kissing you for some reason.
Ugh, I hate this place.
(arcade coin sound)
(quacking)
(arcade music)