♪♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, WE ARE HERE WITH OUR
FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON, FOR THE PEOPLE AT HOME DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JUST NOW
IS THAT YOU WERE BEING TRANSPORTED BY ARETHA.
>> Jon: YES, OH MY GOODNESS.
HER VOICE BRINGS YOU TO A PLACE THAT YOU WANT TO BE.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU PLAY A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR US AS WE GO
TO THE NEXT ACT?
>> Jon: YES, YES.
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON, JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT HERE HEARING THE FINEST
NEWS, SLICING THE MOST PREMIUM TOPICAL CHEESE AND TAKING THE
PERFECTLY BALD MADE IT ORDER CLUB SANDWICH THAT IS A
MONOLOGUE.
I LIKE TO SET ASIDE SOME SMALLER SCRAPS OF NEWS BREAD AND FORGET
THEM ON THE COUNTER WHICH DEVELOPS MOLD WHICH COME TAM
NATURES THE PETRI DISH INHIBBITY IRRELEVANTED BACTERIAL GROWTH,
THEN PURIFY IT TO MAKE THE UNREGULATED PATH TUB PEN SELLIN
OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT.
>> IS QUARANTINE-WHILE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE.
I WOULDN'T BE DOING MY JOB IF I DIDN'T MENTION THE LATEST ONLINE
INTERWEB VIRAL SENSATION KNOWN AS EVERYTHING IS CAKE.
A CLEAR TRADEMARK VIOLATION OF THE MOTTO I LIVE BY, CAKE IS
EVERYTHING.
HERE'S A VIDEO BY A TURKISH PASTRY MASTER THAT WILL MAKE YOU
QUESTION ALL THAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE.
♪ >> Stephen: THAT TOILET PAPER
REALLY HITS HEM WITH ME BECAUSE MANY IS THE TIME I SAT ON THE
JOHN AND THEN BEEN HORRIFIED TO FIND OUT THAT WE'RE OUT OF CAKE.
BUT REALLY WHAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION WAS THIS ONE THAT
LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A PIZZA BUT SURPRISE, UNDERNEATH IS CAKE.
THAT'S INSANE, WHO WOULD EVEN THINK TO PUT PIZZA RIGHT ON TOP
OF CAKE BECAUSE CERTAINLY NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT WHEN THEY
WERE HIGH LAST NIGHT.
KWAN TEEN-WHILE, A U.K. PUB ISTALLED AN ELECTRIC FENCE AT
THE BAR TO ENSURE PATRONS SOCIALLY DISTANCE FROM IT, NICE
TRY BUT THE YOUNG IDIOTS GETTING HAMMERED, THAT ELECTRIC FENCE IS
A DETERRENT,S THAT A A CHALLENGE, BRO, LET'S GRAB IT,
NEXT ROUND IS ON WHOEVER'S HEART STOPS FIRST.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, COVID IS CAUTION DRAMA IN AMERICA'S PROUD
NAKED COMMUNITY BECAUSE NOW NEWEDDISTS RE-- NUDIST RESORTS
ARE REQUIRING MASKS I WILL SAY IF BEFORE THIS YOU WOULD TELL ME
NUDISTS WOULD BE FORCED TO COVER UP FOR PUBLIC HEALTH, THE MOUTH
WOULD NOT BE THE ORIFICE I ASSUMED WAS THE PROBLEM.
THE REQUIREMENTS ARE RUBBING NUDISTS THE WRONG WAY, WHICH IS
VERY COMMON.
MANY ARE WORRIED ABOUT TAN LINES AND ONE LONG TIME NUDIST SAID
THAT IT IS HARD NOT TO SEE EACH OTHER'S FACES BECAUSE ONE OF THE
THINGS NUDISTS ARE KNOWN FOR IS THE FRIENDLINESS.
YES.
THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THEY ARE KNOWN FOR.
COUPLE OF THE THINGS THEY ARE KNOWN FOR BUT I TRY TO KEEP MY
EYES UP ON THE FRIENDLY PART.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, NINTENDO AND LEGO HAVE TEAMED UP TO CREATE A
LEGO VERSION OF THE CLASSIC N-E-S CONSOLE, TO BE CLEAR, IT'S
NOT PLAYABLE.
ST A LEGO MODEL OF A TV AND THE GAME CONSOLE.
IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THAT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHOSE
FAVORITE PART OF BAKING IS BUILDING THE OVEN.
THE SYSTEM FEATURES AN 8-BIT MARIO ON A SCROLLING SCREEN
RECREATION OF A SUPERMARIO BROTHERS LEVEL.
ALL IN PIECES OF LEGO.
SO NOW WHEN MARIO STEPS ON THE BAD GUYS, HE DOESN'T DIE BUT IT
HURTS LIKE HELL.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, BURGER KING'S LATEST SUSTAIN ABILITY EFFORT IS
TO REDUCE COW FARTS, HERE IS A FREE TIP, YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE
THE COWS FART LESS, DON'T FEED THEM BURGER KING.
THE FOLKS AT B-K ARE TWEAKING THE COW'S DIETS BY ADDING 100
GRAMS OF LEMONGRASS TO REDUCE METHANE EMISSIONS AND THE MEAT
WILL BE USED IN WHOPPERS AT SOME RESTAURANTS IN AUSTIN, LOS
ANGELES, MIAMI, NEW YORK AND PORTLAND BEGINNING TUESDAY.
AND TO PROMOTE IT BURGER KING WORKERS ARE WEARING THESE COOL
NEW BUTTONS THAT SAY ASK ME ABOUT OUR REDUCED FART-BEEF.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, RESEARCHERS ARE TURNING TO THE ANIMAL KUNG
DOM TO FIND TREATMENT FOR STI'S, AN MAMS ARE USEFUL IN THE STUDY
OF THESE INFECTIONS BECAUSE CLAD IMIA-- CHLAMYDIA HIT WILD KOALAS
HARD.
OYSTERS GET HERPES, AND DOLPHINS GET AGAIN TAL WARPS WHICH
EXPLAINS PIXAR'S NEW SEQUEL AVOIDING NEMO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RICKY GERVAIS.
♪♪