- This video is brought to you by Paramount+.
Hey, Grif, get over here.
We're supposed to recap the latest episodes of "Halo".
- Yeah, I'm coming.
Hang on.
Woo, what's up?
- How are you outta breath?
You just came from right over there,
and you stopped to pick a dandelion.
- Yeah, well, for your information,
I ran earlier.
- When?
- Uh... Fifth grade PE.
- Yep, gym class sure is important for kids.
It teaches essential parachute flapping skills,
and new social concepts like embarrassment.
I love making fun of nerds.
- So, do you wanna start the recap?
- Give me a minute.
I forgot I'm allergic to dandelions.
- Fine, okay, so Episode Six starts with
Master Chief in a bad way.
He's really going through it,
and Cortana's acting like a cheeky narrator,
contradicting everything he says.
(eerie music)
- How ya feeling, Master Chief?
- I'm fine.
- [Simmons] He wasn't
(quirky music)
- Master Chief is so rattled
he plays radiation chicken with Dr. Halsey
to test Cortana's limits
and get more answers about his past.
- Mm, delicious radiation chicken.
Drumstick's the size of a tennis racket.
If you can handle the tooth and hair loss,
mmm mmm, that is good eating.
- Speaking of toxicity,
Master Chief and Makee, the covenant spy,
discover their profound connection
and bond over the trauma caused by the artifacts.
I sense a troubled codependent relationship blossoming.
- After Master Chief plays bad cop, bad cop with Dr. Halsey,
the Admiral fires her and promotes Dr. Keyes.
- The episode ends with Master Chief and Makee
having a contest to see who can have
the wettest eyes without crying,
and then Master Chief touches the artifact again
sending him and Makee to a beautiful hillside
that looks like my desktop background.
- Your desktop background is a picture of Sarge
you photoshopped to make it look like
he's giving you a thumbs up
- Episode Seven takes us back to Kwan Ha
and Soren's adventures.
- While Soren is having an intergalactic Met Gala
in his asteroid condo,
Kwan is out to find those desert mystics.
I guess she's still sore about missing out on
doing all those drugs in episode one,
because if you want a wild trip,
you gotta find desert mystics.
- Remember, kids,
if you're offered a strange liquid in a tent,
you're about to embark on a psychedelic journey.
- Kwan drinks the mystic juice
and begins to hallucinate big time.
- I remember the last time I did hallucinogens.
I failed a drug test with flying colors.
- During her trip Kwan is visited by her father
who tells her about a secret portal on Madrigal
and gives her advice on how to beat Vinsher.
- How come everyone always learns important stuff
while tripping?
It's always, "Here's how to overcome your biggest obstacle,"
and never, "These lights look cooler,
and my friends are really funny."
- Speaking of friends in high places,
Soren hears the bounty on Kwan has tripled
and goes to Madrigal to help her out.
- Vinsher and his gang corners them in the city,
and while Soren is cutting through henchman
like a hot plasma sword through butter,
Kwan turns on the hydrogen pump
to blow the place to kingdom come.
- Yeah, they set the whole compound to Hindenburg,
and turned Vinsher into a smoldering pile of posh cinders.
- Man, I was really hoping we'd get to see
those little red glasses smoking on the ground.
- In Episode Eight, we're back with Master Chief and Makee
who are having a perfume commercial romance
in their "Halo" dreamscape.
- It's a lot more caressing
than I'd pictured in a "Halo" show, but you know what?
I'm here for it.
- If you had tasteful sex scene on your "Halo" bingo card,
you're in luck.
Also, little weird that you had that.
- Ah, bingo.
- Wait, you do?
- Nope, I have mention of "Halo" bingo card
on my "Red vs Blue" recap bingo card.
That's bingo squared.
- Meanwhile, Dr. Halsey,
who I'm convinced has never taken a day off in her life,
is still up to here with machinations,
and executes protocol Z,
or zed if you're of the British persuasion.
- That lady puts the coup in cuckoo,
and turns the other Spartans against the Master Chief
and attempts to escape with Makee and the artifacts.
- Sound the lunk alarm
because Vannak and Riz go beast mode on Master Chief
and toss him around the gym like a sweaty towel.
- I don't think I'll go to a gym ever again, or before.
- In the end, just as they're about to
put Master Chief down for good,
Makee gets her hands on the other keystone,
which emits an energy blast that knocks everyone out,
and shuts down all of Fleetcom.
Ooh, major cliffhanger
- [Grif] Kind of like this.
- Will the Master Chief stop Halsey and rescue Makee?
Will the Spartans kill each other?
Will the Fleetcom collapse?
Will Grif's teammates rescue him
from this dizzying precipice?
Find out all this,
except the last one,
on the season finale of "Halo" on Paramount+.
(suspenseful music)