Hey there. It's clay still out here in the forest here. Uh, once again,
today, we're going to be talking about why your ex can't make up their mind,
um, when it comes to getting back together and when it comes to even if they just want to
talk to you, be in contact with you, all that sort of stuff is going to be really confusing for a lot
of people. And it can be really frustrating as well, too, you know, especially if you have a
great interaction with them and then you find out that they're just, you know, pulling back they're,
they're just inexplicably withdrawing. It's like, why? Well, you just had this great talk. We just
had this great time meeting up. We just had this great time spending time together. The truth is,
is that in many ways, the reason why your ex can't make up their mind and we'll get to how to get
around this too, by the end of this video. So stick around. But the reason why they can't
make up their mind is because they have to hold onto this idea that you're someone worth breaking
up with. They made this choice to break up with you. They went and they did it. And so oftentimes
people will, uh, fall prey to what we call the law of consistency. That is to say they did break up
with you. So they have to act consistently with someone who, who did break up with you. Uh, that
means that they have to, um, justify why they did whatever they did. And they have to basically dig
down deep in order to make it seem like they made the right choice. Maybe they did make the right
choice. I don't know. Maybe things were really bad between the two of you. Um, and maybe you're doing
what you can do to repair that right now. So that's totally fine, but they're going to have
to create this version of you in their mind. That's worth breaking up with this version of
you. That was a bad person, because nobody wants to break up with someone else. Nobody wants to
think of themselves as someone who's going to go and break someone's heart or make them cry
or anything like that. So if they are doing that, they have to tell themselves a story that you were
worth breaking up with. So many times people will twist, distort and generalize certain things about
you or about your relationship in order to, uh, tell themselves a good story about why they had
to break up with you. And maybe they didn't have to deal, you know, twist the truth too much,
but maybe they did. Maybe they did have to revise history and, um, you know,
exaggerate certain things, et cetera. That's totally fine. It's, it's, it's super
common. That's them sort of fueling this negative version of you that they, that they had to break
up with. Maybe they didn't have to really stretch things that far. Maybe, maybe things actually were
pretty bad and maybe there was a good reason why they did break up with you. I don't know,
but either way, there is this negative version of you that they're holding in their mind.
Now, hopefully if there is something legitimately that you did that was,
you know, less than ideal, that you've done something to, to, to, to prove that they're
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place. And so
when the two of you are interacting, they're probably going to be experiencing something
other than this version of you. They're going to experiencing this positive version of you.
This could be something that you're picking up by using the advanced relational skills that we
talk about. By the way, we have a video playlist on that right up there. This could be something
that you're doing by getting out of damage control mode. This could be something that you're doing by
learning the communication skills that we go for. This could be something that you're doing by doing
the embodiment stuff that we're going over with our coaching clients inside of commit. This could
be all sorts of other things, but basically when you're interacting with them, they're
seeing this positive version of you. And they're saying like, whoa, wait, what has happening here?
I thought you were this person, but it turned out you're this person what's going on? Are you
really this person pretending to be this person? Or is this actually the person that you are, but
you are just, maybe I was wrong about this. Maybe you like legitimately did make some sort
of change for the better, um, what's going on. Is this, is this just you on your best
behaviors is just you putting on a good act. Is this just you trying some sort of gimmick that
you learned on the internet or something? Um, and so there's this lack of trust and
essentially what this is. They're not sure which version of you to put their trust in.
And so what we want to do is we want to continue to interact with them as this positive version,
to continue to build trust in that and what that's going to do. It's just going to weaken
the amount of trust they have in this negative version. And as this trust starts to shift from
one version to another, as they start to put more trust into you, put more trust into themselves to
handle the relationship, put more trust into the dynamic between the two of you.
They're going to go through a certain emotional journey. And this is what we call
a, those five stages. We have a whole playlist on the five stages right up there too,
by the way. Um, but this includes those five stages of while reactants test drive, riding
the dragon crisis point in new beginnings. And these describe their journey of trust towards, um,
towards increasing trust in you and in themselves. And in the dynamic between the two of you.
You know, that's why you get a lot of the hot and cold behavior. That's why you get a lot of the, I
can't make up my mind sort of stuff. It's because they're in the process of learning to trust.
And so what we want to do is we want to help them to, um, develop more trust. Okay.
So as we go ahead and get into this next part, uh, you know, by the way,
To like these videos, uh, Help a guy out with his YouTube channel
by hitting the thumbs up button, it just let me know as well too, in the comments section,
if you like these, like out in nature videos, if so, maybe I'll do it more often.
Otherwise, you know, I should be back in the usual office, um, you know, next week, but yeah,
in terms of what to do, uh, we've talked about this before, but there's really three important
things we need to put into alignment when it comes to, um, making the relationship work. Number one
is we have to go from not being on the same team to being on the same team. So we have to actually
set in place probably an overt understanding and an overt agreement that we're on the same team.
And then we have to act in insignificant ways that demonstrate that we are in the same team.
And as we do this, we're going to build more trust. And then we also need to practice our
communication. If we communicate clearly, this is point number two here. But if we communicate
clearly, we're going to actually start to decrease those gaps where there's potential
misunderstandings between the two of us. And as this happens, we'll work on that third element,
which is trust. And so if we go through these three things, which we call the triangle of
commitment, by the way, um, this will help to elevate the level of trust that we have
with one another. And it can help to show them that they're making the right choice in wanting to
get back together with us. And, you know, by the way, this is something that we talk about inside
of our effortless connection. Course, you can find information on that down below. And by the way,
like I mentioned, in the past few videos, you can also get coaching as well, too.
When you sign up for the course, it's a lower cost option. Um, then our commit coaching
program, and admittedly, it is sort of like a, a taste of what coaching might be like.
Um, and my hope is that maybe you go through this, you get the coaching and then you actually
do want to join us inside of commit. Um, but again, I get that that's a big commitment,
but for most people. So I want to just give you an opportunity to work with us in a shorter term
sort of timeframe. Um, and then if, if it does make sense for us to work together and commit,
Hey, we can talk about that, but if not, no worries. Um, but yeah, you can sign up for
either effortless connection by itself. You can sign up for effortless connection with coaching
or, um, you know, you don't have to sign for anything at all. Uh, but if you, if nothing else,
I do hope that you give us that thumbs up for the YouTube algorithm is a free way to
support the channel. Um, and thank you so much. Please take care and I'll talk.