-Hey, everybody. I don't need to tell you
it's the final season of "Game of Thrones,"
a show I love.
And the person I love watching it with most is right here.
That's Leslie Jones, everybody. -Yeah!
-And you know what that means.
It's time once again for "Game of Jones."
-We got ribs!
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Ooh, is it a different title sequence?
-Exactly. You noticed. You've kept up with it.
-Well, well, well.
-They had to put the new lands in there.
-The new lands. You know what, I appreciate this.
Because let's be honest -- they didn't have to change the opening credits.
We would have watched it anyway. -They did have to change it,
because they knew that I was gonna get that ass.
-What ass?
[ Laughter ]
I'm already confused. -Whatever ass that's not doing
what they're supposed to be doing.
-"Game of Thrones" is confusing enough without you immediately
saying you gotta get that ass. -I'm gonna get that ass.
They know what I'm talking about.
[ Laughs ]
I never thought I'd be this nerdy.
-Before "Game of Thrones,"
did you have any of this nerd in you?
Is this the first nerdy thing you've liked?
-Uhh, had a thing for "Happy Gilmore" for a while.
-Okay. -Is that nerdy?
-Not the same as this.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Aaah! -Ohh!
[ Laughter ]
-Love her! And she looks stronger than ever.
-Can you give me a little Arya face?
Give me that Arya face.
[ Laughter ]
-So pretty. They're cold. They're cold, Seth.
-Yeah. -Look at all them soldiers.
-Where they coming -- Oh, I -- Oh.
There it -- -None of them got penises.
-Oh, right, right, right. -None of them got penises.
That's why they marching so good in the cold.
Look at that! -Look at this. Yeah.
-Look at that! -That's good.
-Oh, that is your nephew!
-Hey, will you -- That is your auntie!
-Will you explain it to me one more time? How are they related?
-Okay. Jesus wept on the cross.
Listen, his mama and daddy is Robb Stark's sister...
and Daenerys' uncle, I believe, or something to that effect.
'Cause they cousins. -Okay.
-No, they're not cousins. They auntie and nephew.
-Gotcha. -So how that --
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -How that happen?
Look how they lookin' at him, though.
Look how they lookin' at him.
Like, "Yeah, yeah, y'all don't belong here."
We're here for you! Yeah. Look at my dragon like that!
Look at my dragon like that! But my dragon's here, though.
My dragon ain't no outsider! You know why?
'Cause he's a dragon!
Argh! Look at Arya. Look at Arya.
Arya want to ride one of them [bleep].
Oh, I'm sorry.
-Leslie, I mean this.
There's no one I'd rather have a dragon than you,
and I also would not trust you with one.
-You better never trust me with a dragon.
It shoot fire and fly? -Yeah.
-That means I'm gonna do drive-bys every weekend, son.
Argh!
"Why Anthony didn't text me back? Argh!"
-You're a man. -Almost.
-What? Now what that mean? What that mean?
And Sansa say, "Yeah, he weird, but that's all right, though."
-That right there is like that thing where one of your family
members comes to "SNL" and you're like,
"How did you like the show?"
And they're like, "It was all right."
-[ Laughs ]
-We don't have time for all this.
The Night King has your dragon.
-Bran, you not --
That's not how you introduce yourself to people.
You say, "Hey, my name is bran."
Look at these dirty [bleep].
I bet you it stank like -- Ooh, I bet you
it Stank like hot hell [bleep] up in there.
-Now, Leslie, I have heard from some people
that this episode is a little boring.
-What?! Blasphemy. Blasphemy.
Anybody said that, you start unfollowing me right now,
'cause you obviously don't watch "GoT."
And you don't know this is a transition episode.
Look at my girl. My girl. Like, look at my girl.
Look. She about to pop somebody in they face.
What you mean boring? Have you levitated?
-What does levitated mean? -What?
You haven't levitated? Yo, cut the cameras.
Cut this. Cut the cameras.
You ain't levitated. You must be out your damn mind.
♪♪
[ Beatboxing ]
♪♪
-So... -♪ Levitation ♪
-Levitation, for those of you who don't know,
is something that you have to go
to Massachusetts or Colorado to do legally.
-♪ Levitation ♪
-What do dragons eat?
-Whatever they want.
-They eat what they want, son!
Ask a dragon what they eat. They're gonna say, "Argh!
Whatever the [bleep] I want! Bring me some Popeyes."
Yo, this right here. Look.
See, this is an important episode.
How are you going to say it's boring? It's so important.
People who didn't see each other see each other now.
[ Laughs ]
Watch. Watch.
Look at Bran. Sneaky ass.
Bran is like a goddamn -- What them -- Peeping Toms.
He's like a peeping Tom. Bran just show up.
-How did you sneak up on me?
-Arya! This is the reunion. Look at the face in the back.
-There's your peeping Tom.
-Aw, him and Bran be hanging out.
-Where were you before? -Peeping Tom.
[ Laughter ]
-In any event, you are most welcome here
in King's Landing, Captain Strickland.
-We look forward to fighting on your behalf.
-She like him, though. He cute.
He more honorable than that piece of [bleep].
And this is what happens, though.
Look, the good man walks out, and the piece of [bleep] stays,
and that's who we [bleep] -- the piece of [bleep].
You know, as old as I'm getting,
I'm starting to get to where I would date that dude.
-She gives me no sign of affection.
My heart is nearly broken.
-Oh, I'm so sorry. It could be broken.
-You buying it? You buying it? -No!
I would be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry your heart broken."
-Have you bought it? Have you bought it in the past?
-Yes! Of course. All the [bleep] time. Every goddamn time.
Why do you think I'm sitting here [bleep]
watching "Game of Thrones" with you
and not at home having sex with a [bleep] man?
-What? This isn't your first choice?
[Bleep]. Heartbreaking.
-I'm going to put a prince in your belly.
-Ohh.
-If a guy used that line on you, be honest --
-I'd be like, "No, you ain't.
I got the best birth control in Detroit."
[ Laughter ]
My uterus got Fort Knox in that [bleep].
You ain't puttin' [bleep] in my belly.
Except for some ribs.
[ Laughter ]
Theon!
-[ Grunts ]
-I think head-butts happen more on television
than they do in real life.
-Yeah, because do you know head-butts
literally hurt for real?
I've head-butted a couple people.
I've been in some situations where my hands wasn't free.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Do you think a flame sword is so happy
when they go somewhere where there's no lights?
'Cause all of a sudden, he's so important.
-It's pretty cocky.
Especially when somebody got to light a cigarette.
Look at this.
Yeah, exactly. -What? Ohh.
-Exactly. Exactly.
-We just have to hope the Night King doesn't come first.
-[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
-Okay. So the hard work paying off.
-This is what I want to know --
-I'm telling you. Nail the arms to the wall.
-That's what I'm saying. Who did they get to do that?
Who did they get to do that? -They say it'll work.
-Did they -- Did they -- I mean, did they space it?
Like, they cut the arms. Like, who cut the arms?
Who cut 'em and put 'em so -- -Fire sword.
-Beautiful. -So nice.
-Play it cool with the hood. Whoa.
-Yeah, [bleep].
Yeah, we got somebody that want to welcome you here.
Look to your right.
Yeah, [bleep]. You pushed me out the window!
I am in a wooden wheelchair!
Do you know how hard it is to be in a wooden wheelchair?!
Yeah, bitch, you thought you killed me.
You thought you killed me. You didn't. Hello.
He said all that. That's it.
Sorry. -Whew.
-I thought it was good.
-What are you going to do when it's over?
When "Game of Thrones" leaves, what are you going to do?
-I'm going to make my own "Game of Thrones."
-You are? What kind of character would you play?
-I'm gonna play all of them. -Mm-hmm.
-I'm gonna play the Night King. -So like "The Klumps."
-No, that would be horrible. [ Laughs ]
"Come on over here, Cletus!
You gonna leave with enough, Cletus!"
-Now, that, but in "Game of Thrones."
Now, do that as Daenerys.
-"Come on over here, Jon Snow. You ain't gonna bend the knee?
I swear to God, I'm gonna make you bend the knee.
Come on over here." -More, more, more!
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, everybody, this was "Game of Jones."
[ Cheers and applause ]