Are you constantly in relationships
where you're on edge?
Do you have trouble relaxing when
you're dating someone?
Have you had so much relationship
drama that you don't even trust your
judgment when it comes to assessing
what behavior you should put up
with?
Stick around for the next few
minutes to learn the three options
you have when you're dating a guy.
This is simple, powerful
and will clarify what you should do
when you're ambivalent about a man
and want to know where it's headed.
I'm Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for
Smart, Strong, Successful Women, and
your personal trainer for love.
Welcome to the Love U Podcast.
Stay to the end of this video to
learn exactly how to know whether
you should stay or you should go.
When we're done, I let you know how
you could apply to Love U to create
a passionate relationship that makes
you feel safe, heard, and
understood.
Now we're going to get into
something that is deceptively
simple.
I have a phrase I use in Love U.
I reduced a long-phrase
called overthinking into something
called OT.
My client in Love U is
in my Facebook group and she's
overthinking about something that
doesn't require much of thinking.
I'll just type in OT and
she'll know that she should calm
down.
So there's a lot of overthinking
when it comes to relationships
but really I want you to do more
feeling.
So when you're dating a guy
and let's say you're a month
in and you don't know where you
stand, and the truth is it doesn't
have to be a month and it could be a
year, it really doesn't change.
You have three different choices
about what to do.
Here are your three choices.
Number one, you can accept
him as he is.
Now, I'm not saying that you should
accept unacceptable behavior.
Everything in Love U is about not
accepting unacceptable behavior
because we want to have a happy
relationship where you're
prioritized and your needs are met
and you feel fulfilled and relaxed.
But you're not here to
change men.
In fact, you're incapable of
changing a man.
You can't make him love
you. You can't make him be nicer to
you. You can't make him give you
more time. You can't make him commit
to you. You can't make him into
anybody. He's not your project.
So, the best thing you can do when you're
in a relationship is to accept
your partner for all that he is,
flaws and all, and determine
that you could live with those
flaws.
That is what my wife, thankfully,
did with me.
She knows what my flaws are.
She's here anyway, and she doesn't
spend all our time trying to change
me and tell me what's wrong
with me in the context of our
relationship, because we wouldn't
have a very good relationship if
most of the time I was being
criticized by my wife.
So the first thing to do, accept
him.
If you've got a good guy and he
fundamentally makes you happy and
it's 95 percent good and five
percent bad and you could
live with this for the rest of your
life, accept him.
Number two.
Try to change him.
Complain, nag him.
Let him know how much he's
disappointing you on a regular
basis.
Or maybe suffer silently
when he doesn't call, when he
doesn't pay. When he doesn't plan.
When he doesn't commit.
When he says something
cruel or insensitive.
When he's dismissive of you
and your needs, you're very real
emotional needs.
Try to keep trying to change him.
Now, I think it's really clear I'm
not actually suggesting that is an
option.
That's what people do the most.
They tried to change the guy instead
of saying this is who
he is. And the third choice that you
can make is to leave
him.
You realize you can't
change your guy, that the guy
who doesn't make an effort to see
you isn't much of a boyfriend.
The guy who doesn't have his life
together isn't much of a boyfriend.
The guy who you feel amazing
chemistry around but doesn't
make you feel safe, heard, and
understood is not your future
husband. Get out of the relationship
and start over, and it takes courage
to do that. But that's the only
other option, which is
to say you don't have three
options when it comes to assessing
what to do with a guy.
You have to stay
and accept and be happy
and compromise your way into
a lasting relationship
that meets your needs or realizes
this relationship isn't meeting your
needs.
And instead of trying to hold
on or project his potential
and hope that he turns into a
different person or hope, he turns
into the person who was the first
month you were dating him
realize this is all there is.
This is all he's willing to give
you.
And leave.
Two choices, stay.
Go.
There's nothing else.
If you're happy and you can live
like this for the rest of your life,
stay.
If you're unhappy and
you feel like you have to change him
to be happy, go.
That's it, simple.
Believe it or not.
Really simple.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
Thank you for tuning into the Love U
podcast. For more episodes like this
on YouTube, click on the subscribe
button and ring the bell and choose
all to ensure you get notified when
new content comes out.
If you're listening to the audio
podcast, please scroll down
to leave an honest review on Apple.
More reviews equal more awareness
of the Love U podcast and
more love in the world.
And if you're interested in joining
Love U and being coached, click on
the link below to apply.
Thank you so much.
I will talk to you soon.