I've started a new diet.
Not a diet, it's a food.
It's not a new food, it's old.
Anyway, I'll show you what it is.
It's something I used to enjoy and then I'd
forgotten about it for a while and then
I remembered that I enjoyed it because I saw it somewhere.
And here it is.
[FANFARE MUSIC]
Cheetos.
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
Does anyone here not like a Cheeto?
No, you can't not like them.
It's like puppies and kittens, you have to like a Cheeto.
Here's the problem with Cheetos-- they're messy.
The Cheeto dust gets on your hands
and it gets all over everything.
It's like glitter but delicious.
[LAUGHTER]
I had Cheetos last night at my house and I took a picture.
Look at my house now.
Oh, no!
[LAUGHTER]
Luckily, I have three other houses that I can use, so.
I cannot stop eating them.
I won't stop eating them.
But I realize I need to figure something out and a way
to eat them without getting messy.
Because they just-- they're on your fingers.
And then, if you lick your fingers
it just attracts more the next time.
Why do you do it in between?
Anyway.
And it's thick too, it makes your fingers thick,
like orange thick fingers.
Anyway.
So I thought, well everybody can do this.
You know, this is easy to do.
You can do a chopstick.
Anyway.
You can do that but I'm always trying to figure out new ways
to do things and make money.
So I came up with this to keep my hands clean
and make me rich.
And these are-- what I do, I call them fancy fingers.
These are fancy fingers and you put them over your real fingers
and then they don't get messy.
And what they are--
uh-oh.
This one is loose.
These are prototypes.
I haven't really worked them out.
These are based on Cardi B's fingers
and you can use them to tell people to be quiet.
You can use them for actually scooping salsa,
if you want to scoop salsa like that.
Or if you want to, outside if you're--
a little garden but you live in an apartment
and you don't have time or a place
and you want to plant some basil.
And you just want to dig a tiny little thing
and put a basil plant.
[LAUGHTER]
Here's another idea.
You've all heard of a Pez dispenser, right?
Well this is a Ches dispenser.
[LAUGHTER]
Say you're in an important business meeting
and you can't risk getting Cheetos dust
all over your business papers.
Is that the term?
Anyway, all you have to do is this.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
Delicious and discreet.
All right.
This last one is like the iPhone 11 of Cheeto technology,
mostly because it costs $1,000.
So not everybody's going to want to run out and get one.
But here's how it works.
All right.
Again, prototype.
It's not going to look like this when I'm finished with it.
But what you do, anytime you want a Cheeto, you simply
press this button.
[AIR RELEASING]
[APPLAUSE]
[AIR RELEASING]
I didn't press the button.
[LAUGHS]
How many more do I have?
We're out?
Well, that's all the time we have.
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
Get him.
He did it prematurely and now I'm--
[LAUGHTER]
Well, you did.
And now I'm done.