-These are our favorite "Jokes of the Week."
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
A pug in North Carolina
has tested positive for the coronavirus.
"Help! I'm having trouble breathing!"
Said a pug without coronavirus.
"I'm starting to think we're not a breed
that's still supposed to be around."
The White House yesterday scheduled, canceled,
and then rescheduled
its daily Coronavirus Task Force press briefing.
Wow, that's the kind of calm, steady leadership
you usually only get from brunch plans with Ashley.
The Los Angeles Lakers reportedly qualified
for almost $5 million
from a federal government program created
to provide relief to small businesses.
Meanwhile, the New York Knicks qualified
for federal disaster relief.
White House advisor
and President Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner
said this weekend that the administration is working
to bring manufacturing back to the U.S.,
in order to prepare for future pandemics and,
"Make sure we're never reliant on foreign supplies again."
Said Kushner, "The only thing we should be getting from overseas
is dirt on Joe Biden."
Fighter jets from the Air Force Thunderbirds
and Navy Blue Angels performed a joint flyover
of several states yesterday
to honor the nation's healthcare workers.
And what a great way to salute people
who are, by all accounts, indoors.
♪♪