- Did I hear somebody--
Was there a French person who had a fiancee?
(audience member cheers)
Very cool, man.
Congratulations.
It was nice. (audience laughs)
It was weird 'cause I was listening to you
when you're speaking and I was like,
it's weird 'cause fiancee is French, isn't it?
(audience laughs)
'Cause I know this sounds weird but in my head you said,
"Ah yeah, no, this is my fiancee."
And then I was like, "What's the French for fiancee?"
(audience laughs)
Is that a little bit weird to you that in English
you have to say some French words every now and again.
Right, 'cause like that's a thing.
Like we do that.
We'll be like fiancee, entrepreneur.
(audience laughs)
Like think about it.
We do that like touche.
We just say that to each other in conversation as people.
Someone will say something, you say something back
and you're like, "Ha ha, touche."
(audience laughs)
But like I don't think French people--
Do you guys do that with English?
Are French people just hanging out with each other
and it's like, "(speaking in a foreign language)
"Ha ha, you touch me."
(audience laughs)
Do you do that?
You don't, right.
It's just weird.
(chuckles) It's totally weird to me.
We just use other languages in our language.
That's really strange.
That's exciting, man.
So-- (muffled speaking)
Say again.
- [Audience Member] French fries they're not French at all.
- French fries are not French.
I like how you said that with passion.
"French fries they are not French.
(audience laughs)
"Trevor, I have to tell you all of these secrets.
"The French fries (hand taps)
are not French."
(audience laughs)
But do you eat them in France?
- Yes. - So why you complaining?
(audience laughs)
(laughs) That's funny.
You guys are also like, "Where are these French fries from?
"They say they are from France.
"Jean-Pierre, are these yours?
"No, they are not.
"Michel, are these your fries?
"No, they are not, they're French.
"Who are the fries from?
"They said they are French fries but no French person
"knows where they are from."
(Trevor and audience laugh)
Ah, man, what made you move from France?
What, you said 17 years you've lived in Detroit.
What made you move? (muffled speaking)
Say again.
- [Audience Member] In Atlanta.
- Atlanta, sorry, yeah, yeah, Atlanta.
(muffled speaking)
You just walked.
(audience laughs)
Oh (beep), did you say work?
Oh, sorry, you're accent 'cause you said, "No, I work."
And then I was like (beep).
(audience laughs)
I was like, "Wow, that's one hell of a journey, my friend."
You're just like, "One day I was walking,
"I was walking by the Eiffel Tower and I said
"I have seen this before, I've seen all of this before.
"I'm going to walk a little further.
"And then I walked and I walked and I walked some more
"and then a few years later I was like Atlanta.
(audience laughs)
"Then I was tired so I stayed.
(audience claps)
"There's no reason to go back."
(audience cheers)
Oh, wow.
And then you fell in love with Atlanta and you stayed.
- [Audience Member] No. (audience laughs)
- No. (hand thuds)
What happened?
(muffled speaking)
Oh, wow. (laughs)
Oh man, so you go to Atlanta, the recession happens
so now you're stuck in Atlanta.
That is so dope.
(audience laughs)
I feel like I should make a TV show about you, man.
That's like a fun story.
He's like, "I ended up in Atlanta and now this is my life."
"How did you make money?"
"I became a rapper.
"In the ATL I became the only French trap rapper."
(audience laughs)
(rapping in a foreign language)
Who else do we have from where?
Yes.
- [Audience Member] Egypt.
- Egypt, oh, very nice.
That's cool, cool and exotic, yes.
(audience laughs)
How are things going over there?
- [Audience Member] Ah. (audience laughs)
- Just blink if it's good.
And blink twice if it's bad.
I won't say your name, I won't put you on camera.
You can go back.
Your president doesn't have to know you were here.
Things are good in Egypt.
(audience laughs)
Ah, when you watch Donald Trump does he remind you
a little bit of Egyptian leaders?
- [Audience Member] Yeah, a lot.
- Yeah, a lot.
Yeah, just without the Arabic.
(muffled speaking) Say again.
(muffled speaking)
They're also what?
- Friends. - Oh, they are friends, yeah.
Yeah, he is.
I can see that.
Like I feel like Trump would be exactly the same
even if he spoke Arabic.
It would be like the same thing.
(speaking in a foreign language)
(audience laughs)
One of the most interesting stories I read today was
the TSA is planning to unroll a program where they say
they wanna get rid of airport screening
(audience member cheers) at small airports.
Wow, you were quick.
(audience laughs)
You were just--
Oh, that's so fun.
This is the funniest thing.
I said the TSA wants to get rid of airport screening.
He went, "Woo."
And I said, "Wow, you're happy."
And then he just went like this.
(audience laughs)
I feel like you're like,
"I get randomly selected way too much."
(audience laughs)
Is that what it is?
- [Audience Member] Even after TSA PreCheck they're like--
- You PreCheck?
- And they said even if you paid
it doesn't necessarily count.
- Wow, wait.
So you got PreChecked and you still get checked.
So they're like now we need post check for you.
(audience laughs)
We did post check.
Well, what's your name?
(muffled speaking)
- [Trevor] Your name was Salman Mohamed.
- Yeah.
But we legitimately changed it after 9/11.
- [Trevor] Wait, are you being serious?
- Yes, I swear to God.
- You know what's crazy, I'll tell you a person
I've had with a name that had more trouble than you.
I met a gentleman in the U.K.
and he has never been allowed into America
because his name is Jihad.
(audience laughs)
That's his normal name.
And jihad, if you know anything about Islam,
it's about the internal struggle that a Muslim person
faces every day in their lives.
It's not about like blowing shit up necessarily.
You can use it whatever it is.
And so jihad is about the struggle you face
as a human being in your life.
Every religion has a different word for it.
But so he was telling me his story.
But what was funny was, I didn't know, he was like,
"Hey man, America won't let me into the country."
And I was like, "Why?"
And he's like, "Oh, 'cause I'm a Muslim
"and because of my name."
I was like, "This is disgusting, this is horrible,
"whatever, whatever."
And I was like, "I can't believe they would block you."
And I was like, "So what's your name?"
Then he's like, "My name is Jihad."
Then I was like, "Oh."
(audience laughs)
He's like, "Yeah."
I was like, "Here's the thing.
"I get where you're coming from
"but in America's defense--"
Imagine if you were the TSA guy who let him in
and then they would be like,
"Barry, like his name was Jihad."
(audience laughs)
And he's like, "I know, dude but I thought it was like
"a friendly Jihad."
It's not a good thing
but it's weird that you have the PreCheck.
But anyway, then you'd be excited by this news.
They said that the TSA's planning to cut,
they want to get rid of TSA PreChecks and security
at small airports because they say it costs too much money.
They want to save like $150 million, all right
because it costs them too much money to scan all the people.
And then a lot of people are opposed to it
'cause they're like, "Yo, it's still an airport."
And then they were saying, "Yeah, but we just don't think
"that terrorists care about the smaller planes."
(audience laughs)
And I was like isn't is so funny that like--
'Cause you know when you're flying from those tiny airports
you've got those little shitty planes that nobody likes.
You know the tiny ones with no overhead
and like it's two and then one
but like everyone is squashed together.
And I was just thinking how funny would it be
if there is no security and then like they get on the plane
and then like everyone hates those planes
and they hate flying into those regional flights so much
they're like one day a terrorist does try to blow it up.
And he's like, "Everybody, I'm hijacking this plane."
And everyone's like, "Whatever, man.
(audience laughs)
"Yeah, just get us out of our misery.
"Look at this plane.
"Yeah, just end it now, man, end it now."
Like I fell like he wouldn't even have enough space
to hijack one of those planes.
You'd be in your seat and then you'd be like,
"I'm taking this plane, ah, ah.
"Ah, ah."
You've got a row of sashes over there.
Are you Miss America contestants?
- Yes. - Yes, oh,
welcome to the show.
This is very cool.
Who do we have?
We have Miss District
of Columbia. - District of Columbia.
- [Trevor] Miss Texas.
Miss Washington. - Washington.
- [Trevor] Miss
Iowa. - Iowa.
- Miss Pennsylvania.
Miss New York.
Miss Ohio.
Oh, this is dope, man.
Do you guys just like roll with the sashes all the time?
(audience laughs)
I like that.
I need that.
Mr. Daily Show, can we get that for me?
(audience cheers)
Yeah, I'm just gonna roll with that.
Can I ask you a question?
Why is it that they ask you harder questions
than they ask the President of the United States?
(audience laughs)
Every single Miss America pageant I've watched
they ask them, they go like,
"Looking at the Middle East and what's happening,
"how do you feel we could destroy ISIS for once and--"
And then Miss America contestants are like,
"Well, what I think we need to do is look at our allies
"and figure out how we strategically invoke--"
And with the president it's like,
"What do you think we should do?"
Then he's like, "I think we should watch Miss America
"and see what they say
(audience laughs)
"and we'll figure it out."
(crowd cheers)
By the way, have you practiced your fake happy
for the other person winning faces? (laughs)
(audience laughs)
Ah, that's like my favorite thing ever.
Ah.
Where are you from?
- [Audience Member] New Zealand.
- New Zealand, oh, that's a long, long journey, yeah.
How long you here for?
- [Audience Member] Six weeks.
- Six weeks.
(audience laughs)
It's like flat six weeks.
Yeah, that's cool.
Why did you come now?
Were you just like, "I want to see what suffering
"in the cold seems like.
"Just wanna feel it."
- [Audience Member] Summer holidays.
- Summer holidays. (laughs)
(audience claps)
So you were just like, "I'm just gonna skip summer."
Do you guys get snow in New Zealand?
No, you don't, right.
Not even with like climate change it hasn't happened?
'Cause in South Africa, we didn't really get snow
and now we get a bit of snow at random times, sometimes.
You guys, no snow.
- [Audience Member] We get snow like down south,
really down south but not where we are.
- Oh, so are you enjoying the snow?
- [Audience Member] Yeah.
- Oh yeah, you see I like that.
'Cause New Yorkers, everyone's just like,
"There's goddamned snow everywhere.
(audience laughs)
"The goddamned snow everywhere."
And then like every foreigner's like,
♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪
(upbeat instrumental music)