Four ones I am making a video, not out of the goodness of my heart,
but in order to clear up a couple of things which incredibly annoy me online
aside from the pointless every day arguments about how my youtube name is spelled
and how I so was not in Dramaalert’s channel a while back.
What really winds me up in the Counter Strike community
is how the average player adores the most pathetic maps.
To justify this point I made a map called aim_5minutes
which I deliberately only spent 300 seconds on.
As expected, more people downloaded it than all my other maps put together
including the amazing smash and gib valley maps.
This is the same in all industries, however, and is the main reason why pay to win games
are always topping the ladders over blatantly RUBBISH games like Titanfall 2 and the new
Doom.
My aim 5 minutes sequel named aim 50 minutes was a bigger hit
but only received 3 times the number of downloads despite being at least a million times better.
I found the answer on the aptly named 'Noob refuge' .com where I quote,
Come on dude, one's called aim 50 minutes.
Take a hint!
Games shouldn't take that long.
So there.
Discovery one is that people are too stupid to understand the semantics of names
and instead believe that someone is stupid enough to make a map which takes 50 minutes
to play.
However, the fact that they thought it was a viable option leads me to believe that
some map makers are stupid enough to carry out such a stunt.
...Which nicely moves me onto point 2.
David Johnson, the maker of Dust 1, Dust 2 and Cobble, AKA CBBL, is supposedly a great
mapper.
However, this hasn't stopped him from making rubbish maps like Dust 1
which looks strangely like a Team Fortress map as you can see here
and results in unfortunate terrorists standing absolutely
no chance against the over powered and over positioned Counter Terrorists.
America might approve, but for Counter Strike, THIS SUCKS.
Cobble, uh sorry- CBBL, was surprisingly similar to Dust 2 in all aspects apart from the setting,
and the fact that everything's about TWICE THE SIZE IT SHOULD BE.
Or at least…
it was until Valve updated it for GO To the point that it now actually plays like
a good level.
To Dave’s credit, all the stuff I’ve been dissing in his maps
Has been mentioned on his blog already And I feel that acknowledging your flaws should
by law Render you immune to those criticisms from
others.
So with that said, enough of the moaning.
Before I go any further please can I just say that
Dust 2 is by far the best map in existence, EVER.
Bombsite A is the pinnacle of human achievement, Short A is a work of art, and
mid section allows for skilled players- like me -
to seriously hurt the other team within 2 seconds of the round starting.
If I was to remake it I would replace Long A
with something a little more terrorist friendly and I would probably get rid in the hole in
the wall in bombsite B and replace it with another entrance from
the tunnels hence making a B rush far less suicidal.
With those improvements, as well as the ability to customise the face
of my player, I believe that I would brick up my door,
Make videos thrice a month to pay for my electricity and internet connection,
as well as a month's supply of weetabix and apple cider,
and would sit naked in a darkened room playing Dust 2 4 18 hours a day,
taunting every victim with a close up of my player's customised FACE.
(And gloves) There are a couple of steadfast rules
that everyone must stick to when making a map.
Firstly, it must have a catch.
Second, a purpose, and third...
...it must be sunny.
A catch is needed to get people to download your map.
Something that makes it stand out, be it an amazingly intricate piece of architecture,
a large pit, or in most cases,
water.
Think of it as a computer game.
Or even a woman.
No matter how good the gameplay, if the graphics don't hook you
then you're not going to get hooked into the nice gooey core of the gameplay.
Now when I say purpose, I don't mean to kill the team over and over
again.
Counter Strike can do that on its own, I mean an internal goal.
Something that springs out of the air and sounds like a good idea.
Bit like a tasty biscuit.
For instance, Dust 2 makes me think, 'Hide short A!'
or 'Bunny hop down mid and take out those damn B campers from the rear'.
While if I was to play surf maps - which I don't -
I would be all excited about getting to the end first
and knifing all those AFKers.
To achieve this urge your map must be balanced, containing areas with different strengths
and weaknesses.
I can't be bothered to describe what I mean.
Just go to bombsite A of Dust 2 to see what a perfect design of excellence
looks and plays like.
Height is a fantastic design tool and levels with ladders and platforms everywhere
will attract people far more than a completely dull aim map
with no redeeming features.
-Unless the latter includes PORN in the title but that's just an unfair advantage.
The third point, I cannot stress enough.
By far the most important aspect of ALL levels
is for it to be sunny which is why Dust 2 is by far the most amazing
map, ever.
'What about Office and Dust 1?'
you might ask.
Office is set mainly inside so it doesn't really matter,
and as for Dust 1, the only reason people think it's good in the first place
is because of the sunny setting.
Replace it with a cloudy sky and watch it drop into the demonic depths
of Havana which I will hastily urge people NEVER to play
due to its complex, confusing layout and horribly worn out walls.
Which reminds me, why the HELL do 95% of Half Life 2's textures
look as if somebody's attacked them with a crowbar?
When making indoor sections I can choose to lovingly furnish them
with CS Office's clean, neat walls or resort to something
that wouldn't look out of place in a Brothel's basement.
Having had a trek into the darkest depths of competitive CS:GO,
I've come back thinking that it was a wasted opportunity.
All of the ladders we joined consisted of moaning players
who would use any trick in the book to reverse a 30 - nil win to us-
-including bribery and hacking.
Of course, my adept knowledge of all the rules lead us to repeatedly pounding them
until we were at the top of all the ladders, wondering what all the fuss was about.
It's like climbing a mountain, only to realise that you've got a horrible,
boring and relentless journey down the other side to come.
In Counter Strike’s case, all the teams we utterly owned in matchmaking
always cried about how we were NOTHING because we were not playing on ‘ESEA’.
For the first time in my life I succumbed to peer pressure
and signed up to this massive league and for the first time in my life,
I completely one hundred percent regretted doing something.
In short, ESEA contains thousands of players, all believing that eternal glory awaits them
if they reach the top of the ladder.
Of course, they eventually regret wasting thousands of hours of their lives
that they could have spent doing something useful-
such as juggling or solitaire, once they realise that there's no golden chalice
at the top and that soon the next 14 year old clan will
knock them off the top, mocking them all the way.
They attempt to balance the karma in their pathetic little lives
by telling every other player in the Universe that beats them
that they are nothing in life, unless they are in ESEA
and so beings this horrific pyramid scheme all over again.
Because of this, I consider making de maps completely useless
because the only people who will ever play them will be
the idiots in competitive ladders or those who like to play offline against bots.
The former favour abysmal maps, like Season or Mirage,
which both include shoddily tacked on sewer bits which were added
when the maker suddenly realised that their map design was way too simple.
And those offline loners might be the nicest people on Earth,
but they won't be able to give me any feedback on my map,
classifying them as useless.
In short I am urging any of you who are interested in competitive games
to think twice because it's not the be-all and end-all
and you don't want to be classed in the same group
as those who think that Season and Mirage are the only good maps
because they solely play them to rank-boost.
Oh and please stop belittling players who beat you in matches!
The number of times I've been accused of being a sad loner in life with no girlfriend
almost surpasses the number of girlfriends I've had.
So my advice is to SHUT UP because you're playing the same game
and you don't know the backgrounds of everyone you're playing against.
Any assumptions you make about their personal lives
are just as applicable to yourself!
You don’t play CS:GO then accuse better players of having no lives.
Nor would you go to a juggling convention to call them losers
Because they can’t play the guitar as well as you can.
However, unlike that comparison, in CS:GO you're not going to be anally assaulted by
dozens of muscly Jason Garfields, meaning that cyber insults are for the weak
and cowardly.
I think that just about covers everything that winds me up in Counter Strike.
For the most part it's a great experience where you get to meet random people online
and play with them.
In a good way.
And although 3kliksphilip no longer gets this issue,
I find that every server is full of GRIEFERS.
HACKERS!
People just DISSING everybody else on there.
Which I think is just RUBBISH.
And cut.