(pop music)
- I want to suck your blood.
- (laughs) No, stop.
- In an environmentally sustainable way.
- Hey.
- [Will] Hey, Kelsey. Allie came over for dinner.
- Hi, Allie!
William, can I talk to you for a second,
in the other room, right now?
- Yeah, sure.
- I'll just finish cooking.
- Okay, cool.
(flute music)
- [Kelsey] So, Allie's over for dinner?
- She's my best friend,
and I want you guys to be best friends.
- Why?
- Because you don't really have any female friends.
- I don't want any female friends.
- [Will] You're really aggressive to women,
you're like a frat boy.
- She's a snob.
- She is not a snob.
- Will, do you remember
when we got those brie sandwiches
and the becherovka?
What was the name of that driver
who was telling us about France?
- Klaus!
- (laughs) That's right.
- [Will and Allie] No strami!
- Memories.
- We did a semester abroad together
in Prague, our junior year.
- That sounds magical.
- Yeah, it was.
- I think it was probably my favorite trip.
- I thought our trip to Vegas was your favorite trip.
- Favorite overseas trip.
- He's always been so indecisive.
- Oh, I don't think so.
- Well, you probably just don't know him
that well, yet.
- Tell me, how are the men in your life?
How is that going?
- I'm single.
- I am so sorry.
- [Allie] Oh, why are you sorry?
I don't care.
- Because your ovaries are probably drying up?
- No, I mean, I don't really want kids,
and also, I think I'm a lot younger than you, so.
- Look at that, we are out of wine.
William, will you help me get some more wine, please?
- There's actually two bottles on the table, buddy.
- [Kelsey] I can't believe you would make me
put up with this!
- Oh, put up with this?
What about your friend Charles?
- What about Charles?
- [Will] Oh, Creepy Charles?
The guy who wears transition lens year round?
- [Kelsey] He's not actually creepy,
that's just a nickname,
and he's not in love with me.
- [Will] It is not a nickname, it's a way of life!
- So, you're saying that you're only hanging
with Allie, because she wants to bang you.
- [Kelsey] You're hooking up!
- [Will] No!
- [Kelsey] Yes!
- [Will] No, that's a ridiculous assumption.
- She wants to fuck your face,
and I'm not going to allow it.
- Will, I get what you're saying,
but do you actually think Bernie Sanders
is a viable candidate?
- I don't think Bernie is a viable candidate--
- Do you think that men and women
can just be friends?
- Of course they can.
- I was talking to Allie.
- You know, there's actually an article
about this in the Atlantic,
that I read recently.
- (clears throat) A lot of times
in male female friendships
the guys think that the girls are into them,
so they have a hard time just being true friends.
- Did you hear that?
The man always thinks that the girl is into him.
- Oh, if it's in an article it must be true.
- Sorry, Will doesn't know how to read.
(laughter)
- [Allie] Articles are hard for him.
- This could've been a great evening,
but instead of showing me sympathy,
what it's like to be a handsome man,
living in 2015,
you ruined the evening fighting over me.
- What? Will!
- Fighting over--
- [Allie and Kelsey] Fighting over you?
- What's this then?
- No, Will, I cannot believe that he thought
I might be in to him,
I mean, we've been friends for ten, twelve years?
Like, I would rather (gestures), you know?
- Allie's my friend, you're my girlfriend,
I don't want to have sex with Allie.
- Well, Heaven forbid.
- You wanted to have sex with her? Rude.
What did you think was going to happen here?
Some sort of three-way situation?
- I'm not a fortune teller,
I don't know what's going to happen.
- He would be lucky.
- Oh, he is lucky.
- Oh, please (clink glasses), please.
- He is, you're amazing.
- I know, but does he know?
- [Kelsey] Probably not.
- This is, this is ridiculous. Okay?
- I have to drink to sit at a table
with him for 45 minutes.
- [Allie] I was drunk our entire semester in...
- You know, sometimes I feel like I just can't win.
You're a pretty good listener, Creepy Charles.
(whip cracks)
- [Will] What about the time you caught him
replacing your toothbrushes?
- [Kelsey] He needed a toothbrush.
- He kept them in a Ziploc bag,
marked treasures!