>> DUKE UNIVERSITY RESEARCHERS HAVE CONFIRMED THE FIRST U.S.
CASE OF COVID 19 IN A DOG.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE AWARE OF A SMALL NUMBER OF CASES
OUTSIDE THE U.S. OF DOGS AND CATS ACQUIRING CORONAVIRUS FROM
INFECTED HUMANS.
SO THE C.D.C. INCLUDES PETS IN ITS SOCIAL DISTANCING
GUIDELINES.
( SWEET MUSIC ) >> MY DEAREST DAISY, HOW I MISS
THE LAZY, SUN-KISSED AFTERNOONS OF SMELLING EACH OTHER'S BUTTS.
I HAVE BEEN DOING MY BEST TO FILL MY DAYS -- RESTING ON COUCH
CUSHIONS, SHREDDING COUCH CUSHIONS, AND, OF COURSE,
HUMPING COUCH CUSHIONS.
I MUST SAY A COUCH CUSHION IS A PALE REPLACEMENT FOR YOU, BUT
STILL A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE, THE DAYS DRAG, LIKE MY BEHIND ON THE
LIVING ROOM CARPET.
IN CLOSING, I FEEL IT'S IMPERATIVE TO WRITE THE WORDS
I'VE WAITED SO ACHINGLY LONG TO EPRESS -- SQUIRREL!
( BARKING ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.