THE 2016 ELECTION IS FAST APPROACHING.
AND NOVEMBER WILL BE HERE ANY DAY NOW.
PROBABLY SOMETIME AFTER HALLOWEEN.
THIS IS THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> GET READY BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING YOUR ASSES
OFF.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESUMPTIVE GOP
NOMINEE, TOMORROW'S WEST VIRGINIA PRIMARY IS NOT EXACTLY
CRUCIAL.
BUT THAT DID NOT STOP HIM FROM HOLDING A RALLY THERE ON
THURSDAY TO REMIND EVERYONE OF THEIR IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE
DEMOCRATIC PROCESS.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO VOTE ANY MORE.
SAVE YOUR VOTE FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION, OKAY.
FORGET THIS ONE.
THE PRIMARY IS GONE.
>> Stephen: YES.
IT IS AN INSPIRING MESES AGE IT REMINDED ME OF PATRICK HENRY'S
IMMORE TAL BATTLE CRY, GIVE ME LIBERTY OR DON'T, FORGET THIS
ONE, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.
(APPLAUSE) IT DOESN'T MATTER.
DOESN'T MATTER.
BUT TRUMP WASN'T JUST IN WEST VIRGINIA TO MAKE CALLS TO
INACTION, HE WAS ALSO THERE TO ACCEPT THE ENDORSEMENT OF THE
WEST VIRGINIA COAL ASSOCIATION WHICH, LIKE ALL ENDORSEMENTS,
COMES WITH A FREE HAT.
>> I WILL PUT IT ON.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: WOW!
WOW, HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A MIENER, RIGHT DOWN TO THAT
ORANGE SOOT ON HIS FACE FROM YEARS IN THE DORITO MINES.
AND I'M SURE-- I'M SURE-- (APPLAUSE)
I'M SURE ALL THE COAL MINUTE ERRS THERE RELATED TO-- MINERS
RELATED TO THIS MOTION.
WHEN THEY GO OUT AFTER WORK AND PLAY LACROSSE.
(LAUGHTER) 16 POUNDS, WHAT DO YOU GOT.
AND GONE.
THAT WASN'T TRUMP'S ONLY ATTEMPT AT MIME IN THIS SPEECH.
HE ALSO PRETENDED TO DRIVE A CAR, WRITE A LETTER, ANSWER A
PHONE AND CONDUCT AN ORCHESTRA.
(LAUGHTER) SO EVEN IF HE DOESN'T END UP
LEAVING THE COUNTRY, HE COULD DEFINITELY LEAD AN IMPROV CLASS.
BUT TRUMP SHOWED HE UNDERSTANDED NUMBER ONE HEALTH RISK
ASSOCIATED WITH COAL MINING, HAT HAIR.
>> DOES MY HAIR LOOK OKAY.
GOT A LITTLE SPRAY.
GIVE ME A LITTLE SPRAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE HAIRSPRAY ANY MORE BECAUSE
IT AFFECTS THE O ZONE YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT.
IN THE OLD DAYS YOU PUT THE OZONE ON IT WAS GOOD.
TODAY YOU PUT THE HAIR STRAI ON, IT'S GOOD FOR 12 MINUTES, RIGHT.
BUT YOU KNOW THEY SAY THAT YOU CAN'T-- I SAID WAIT A MINUTE, SO
IF I TAKE HAIRSPRAY AND IF I SPRAY IT IN MY APARTMENT WHICH
IS ALL SEALED AND, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT AFFECTS THE
OZONE LAYER?
YES.
I SAY NO WAY, FOLKS.
NO WAY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: TRULY, TRULY SPOKEN LIKE A MAN WHO SPENT
YEARS INHALING AEROSOL IN A POORLY VENT LATED ROOM.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NO WAY.
NO.
I WAS SURPRISED TO SEW TRUMP SO HUNG UP ON THE CURRENT STATE OF
HAIRSPRAY.
BECAUSE I LOOKED IT UP AND THE HAIRSPRAY THAT DESTROYED THE
OZONE WAS BANNED IN 1978.
SO TRUMP HAS BEEN MAD ABOUT HAIRSPRAY FOR 38 YEARS.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, A WOMAN BORN IN 1978 WOULD HAVE
BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED FROM DONALD TRUMP BY NOW.
I CAN'T WAIT, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE REST OF HIS 1978
PLATFORM.
WHY DOESN'T TAB TASTE AS GOOD.
SO WHAT IF SACCHARIN GIVES RATS CANCERED.
WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT RATS NOW, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MISS FLAMMABLE PAJAMAS.
IT MADE SMOKING IN BED MUCH MORE EXCITING.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO WEAR THOSE SEATBELTS WITH THE STUPID
SHOULDER STRAPS.
LAP BELTS WORK FINE.
I LIKE MY HEAD TO SLAM INTO THE DASH BOARD.
LET ME-- LET ME SHAKE OUT A-- (APPLAUSE)
I NEED A MOMENT TO SHAKE OUT OF MY IMPRESSION.
THAT'S HOW DEEP IT IS.
BUT I AM INTERESTED TO SEE HOW THIS SPEECH WENT OVER WITH
VOTERS IN WEST VIRGINIA.
SO JOINING ME NOW, LIVE VIA SATELLITE FROM WEST VIRGINIA IS
COAL MINER EARL VAN ZANDT.
GOOD EVENING, MR. VAN ZANDT.
>> HI THERE, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, EVERYBODY?
HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE, STEPHEN?
>> Stephen: MR. VAN ZANDT, DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE DONALD TRUMP'S
SPEECH IN WEST VIRGINIA WHY.
>> SURE DID,I LOVE TRUMP.
I WAS EVEN GOING TO VOTE FOR HIM TILL HE TOLD ME NOT TO.
>> Stephen: SO YOU RELATED TO THE SPEECH.
>> DAMN RIGHT.
I USED TO THINK TRUMP WAS JUST AN OUT OF TOUCH BILLIONAIRE BUT
THEN HE PUT ON THAT HAT AND I REALIZED HE'S JUST A REGULAR HAT
WEARING GUY WITH A HEAD THAT CAN HOLD A HAT.
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
BUT DID IT SURPRISE YOU AT ALL WHEN HE SPENT A SIGNIFICANT PART
OF HIS SPEECH TALKING ABOUT HAIRSPRAY.
>> HELL NO!
TRUMP'S THE ONLY CANDIDATE THAT UNDERSTANDS THAT WHEN YOU ARE A
COAL MINER MILES UNDERGROUND YOUR NUMBER ONE CONCERN IS
LASTING HOLD.
BUT YOU KNOW, NOT TOO STIFF.
AS A COAL MINER I STILL WANT TOUCHABLE HAIR.
SEE?
CHEESIER PLAWS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> BEAUTIFUL, LUXURIOUS HAIR.
>> Stephen: YEAH, LOVELY, YOUR HAIR, YOUR HAIR SEEMS TO BE
HOLDING TOGETHER NICELY.
>> YEAH, THAT'S CUZ OF THIS HERE CAN OF AQUA NET FROM 1954.
THERE HANDED DOWN FROM MY GRANDPAPPY.
>> Stephen: WOW, MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME VENTLATION IN THERE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: CLEARLY TRUMP KNOWS MORE ABOUT COAL MINERS
THAN I THOUGHT.
>> SURE DOES, WELL, BACK TO WORK.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: EARL VAN ZANDT, EVERYBODY.