Some news stories help us understand the world we live in, and some news stories are just stupid.
For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
(cheers and applause)
♪ ♪
Thanks, Trevor.
Everyone always says they want to be rich,
but be careful what you wish for,
because sometimes you can get so rich
you start doing dumb shit like this.
Silicon Valley is famous for its eccentric homes
and outlandish property values,
but the newest status symbol in the neighborhood
is the chicken coop.
TV REPORTER: Scott Vanderlip's chickens
make themselves right at home.
VANDERLIP: Are you gonna come in the house?
TV REPORTER: The software engineer believes he's found
the perfect anecdote to computers and code,
and has the big data to prove he's not alone.
VANDERLIP: There are thousands,
maybe 10,000 chicken coops in Silicon Valley.
-I mean, there are... -TV REPORTER: 10,000?
VANDERLIP: There-there-there are a lot of coops.
That's right. Silicon Valley millionaires
are adopting chickens as pets,
because what do you get the person who has everything?
Mm, how about bird flu?
It's like they're so rich and comfortable,
the only thing left to do is pretend to be poor.
And if that's true, why stop at poultry farmer cosplay?
Why not try donating your plasma for a can of soup,
or, I don't know, cleaning windshields at traffic lights,
or being a public school teacher?
You know, poor people stuff.
-And... -(cheering and applause)
You're probably wondering
what do you even do with a pet chicken?
Turns out, nothing.
TV REPORTER: The birds sometimes get a break
from eating bugs with treats like melons and salmon.
Caring for the chickens is a family affair.
AMINA AZHAR-GRAHAM: Justin and I, like, we will come home
in the evening, after a stressful day at work,
and pull up our chairs, and just, like,
sit here and watch the chickens go crazy.
(laughter)
Yeah, I don't think the chickens are the ones going crazy.
All right?
You're the ones drinking wine
and watching birds poop on your lawn
like it's Shakespeare in the Park.
You're Silicon Valley. What are you doing?
You gave the world YouTube and Netflix, remember?
You can't invite people over to chicken and chill.
(laughter)
And it turns out,
these people don't even care about the animals.
They're just showing off.
TV REPORTER: For the Valley's growing community
of backyard farmers, the investment in heritage birds
pays off in a status symbol of sorts:
Colorful eggs that can be given as gifts to friends.
Yeah, what a great gift.
I love when I'm having a Super Bowl party
and my rich friend brings over raw pale green eggs.
Even the chickens must be, like, "What are you doing?
"Those came out of my chicken pussy
and now you're handing them out like Cuban cigars?"
(laughter)
Listen, if rich people want to own chickens
like third world farmers, whatever, right?
The problem is, when rich people pretend to be poor,
they're still spending way too much money doing it.
TV REPORTER: Online, companies are hatching plans
for do-it-yourselfers to build stylish backyard coops.
I built this, this coop especially for them.
TV REPORTER: Laura Menard's custom-built chicken coops
have antique stained glass windows,
and detailing added by a master carpenter.
Do you think your chickens are happier in there
-than they might be in some simpler coop? -Well...
No, I don't think they care.
(laughter)
You don't think they care?
I know they don't care, all right?
They're chickens.
Oh, and, by the way,
if you're thinking about getting into this new chicken craze,
I've got some bad news, you're already too late.
I always tell people chickens are actually just
-the gateway drug to beekeeping. -(bees buzzing)
Beekeeping is the new thing, you know.
TV REPORTER: Are you suggesting that sometime soon
somebody's gonna say to me,
-"Ah, backyard chickens, that's so 2018"? -Exactly.
That's Silicon Valley for you.
Hey, you just bought that new thing?
Boom! It's obsolete.
You like chickens? Well, (bleep) you.
It's bees now.
But you know what, Trevor?
I see what's happening here, okay?
We're just going further down the evolutionary chain.
That's why I've already invested
in the next, next trendy pet, all right?
-I'm talking about leeches! -(audience reacts)
That's right, Silicon Valley!
Make like one of these guys and suck it!
Ronny Chieng, everyone.