We’re getting sick and tired of this Mushroom Kingdom nonsense.
How many years have we trudged through that land, regulating and putting down Koopa uprisings?
Too many, I’d say.
Why do mushrooms get to have all the fun, anyway?
No, we need a change of pace.
We need to get out, expand our boundaries, and end up in...
… the Beanbean kingdom.
Really?
We’ve traded mushroom-people for bean-people.
Hey, whatever floats your burrito.
Awright, they’re beans, why are we here?
Apparently to stop the evil Cackletta, her verbally miscreant Fawful (he of the I HAVE
FURY line), and whatever roadblocks she can throw in the brothers’ way to make off with
Peach’s apparently-magical voice.
So it’s up to the brothers to stop her, and it’d be just another save-the-kingdom
quest if it weren’t so bleeding absurd.
Let’s back up a bit first.
Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga represents the second “branch” of the family tree
that has, as its trunk, the venerable Super Mario RPG.
The lineage has since split into the Paper Mario series, which takes that particular
aesthetic and runs with it, and the Mario and Luigi series, which focuses more on brother-teamwork
puzzles, HAVING FURY, and being on handheld systems.
They’re like bratwurst and kielbasa, two great tastes that are just different enough
for people to form strong opinions over which one’s better.
Anyway.
The majority of the gameplay centers around walking the brothers around this brave new
world, obtaining jumping techniques, hammers, and the elemental forces of fire and lightning.
In the standard Mario RPG fashion, foes are seen wandering the landscape along with you,
giving you the option to avoid or roll right in there, mallets a’blazin.
However, if you’re nicked by an enemy and you’re not taking an offensive action, the
ambushed brother starts the battle flat-footed and won’t be able to evade enemy attacks
until his turn.
Each technique, from a simple jump to a special shiny monstrosity combo thing, has timed commands
to improve the attack’s output.
Similarly, enemy onslaughts can be rebuffed by cunning and well-timed use of jumps or
mallets, though some enemies are wise to your tricks and instead launch attacks that won’t
hit you UNLESS you try to dodge.
Clever clever.
Mind you, this is an RPG, so there’s a significant bit of number crunchyness to attend to.
The usual lineup of stats are self-explanatory, from HP to attack to defense, but the real
eyebrow-raiser upon the game’s release was the quantification of the glory of the brothers’
moustaches.
Never underestimate the appeal of a well-groomed ‘stache, as it has the power to lower prices
with just a pinch of the corner.
None of that hipster trash ironic handlebar nonsense, mind you.
This is genuine appreciation of... let’s not deny it.
One of the weirdest stats in video games.
If you don’t mind sometimes frustrating controls, as you occasionally struggle to
make Mario and Luigi jump accurately while juggling all the other functions they can
perform, you’ll be rewarded with a game made of beans and winning.
Much better than mushrooms, anyway.
Ever tried making a chili with mushrooms?
I rest my case.