- Today we are not playing it safe.
- Let's talk about that.
(alarm rings) (playful theme music)
(fire blasts)
Good Mythical Morning.
- Today we're gonna be cracking safes
and eating nasty crackers because
this episode is all about security.
That's why I've hired a security guard, learned karate,
and brought my special blankie.
I usually just bring my special blankie.
- That's also why NordVPN is sponsoring today's episode.
NordVPN is the world's most advanced VPN,
that's virtual private network,
and it provides the best possible security
to protect all of your data online.
- In fact NordVPN uses military grade encryption
which was used by the U.S. government to secure
classified information and by the NSA
to protect national security data, but around here,
we not only need to keep our internet secure,
we need to keep our food secure too.
We have our exclusive assortment of edible testicles
and we can't have those exposed to the general public.
- No we cannot, but today,
we're gonna crack our safes wide open.
It's time for, don't be a slacker,
crack that safe so your cracker ain't wacker.
Sponsored by NordVPN.
- Within this safe is secured a cracker
topped with something tasty.
Whoever cracks the safe gets to eat it,
but whoever doesn't is stuck eating a cracker
hidden under this cloche that's topped with something nasty.
- Mhm, now Stevie is gonna ask us multiple choice
security-themed questions with answers that are always
going to be numbers.
Stevie also has a camera dedicated to her.
- [Rhett] Hey Stevie!
- [Link] This is new.
- Yeah hey guys.
- All right whoever buzzes in first gets to enter
their answer into the safe.
If it's right, it will open and the other guy
has to eat the nasty.
If it's wrong, the other guy gets a chance
to crack the safe.
If we both get it wrong, we both have to eat the nasty.
- Yes. - Let's get crackin'.
(electronic beeping and typing)
Okay let's find out what the nasty cracker is.
Okay. - Uh, what is that?
- [Stevie] That is sour plum jam.
Umeboshi plum. - Ooh-meboshi.
- So not too nasty. - Yeah.
- No but what's inside is really good
and you're really gonna want it.
- Go for it.
- The most difficult safes to crack open
can be found at banks, but that didn't stop Steve Millam,
a bank robber who successfully robbed 11 banks
before getting caught.
Steve earned the nickname the handsome guy bandit,
because he wore a Hollywood caliber latex mask
as a disguise.
How much did this latex mask cost?
A, $35,
B, $200,
or C, $800? (Link rings bell)
- Link! (laughs)
(sighs) $35, $200, or $800.
I mean that is a pixelated photo,
but where does the mask stop and his head begin?
- I think it goes down to the nipples,
so it's secured on the nipples.
- Right, it's Hollywood caliber.
- Yeah yeah, all Hollywood masks are secured at the nipples.
- Right so I'm tempted to say $800,
which means I'm gonna go with $200.
- Okay.
- Zero, $200.
Let me have it, baby. (buzzer buzzes)
Dangit! (Rhett laughs)
Gah!
(Rhett claps) - Yeah!
- Did you think it was $200? - Yes.
- You did?
I know. - But you know what,
I'm tempted to now try $800.
- It might be $200.
- I don't think so. - Two tries.
- I think it's $800.
Zero, eight.
(bell rings)
(Rhett laughs heartily)
Yes. - What is it?
- I'll just take just the thing out.
Ooh, is this surf and turf?
- Yeah it is.
- I've got a surf and turf cracker?
- Dang it, son.
- Oh it pays to go second. - Dink it.
- Don't touch me with your nasty.
- I just wanna dink it a little.
- No no no no, no dinking.
No dinking for Lincoln.
I should do the whole thing like sushi.
- Woo!
It's so sour, it just tastes like salt.
- You wouldn't think you should mix beef
with lobster until you've tried it.
- Oh my goodness.
(electronic beeping and typing)
- All right let's see what we got this round.
- It's green. - Oh that's wasabi paste,
isn't it? - Oh yeah.
- That's gonna hurt someone.
- But let's see who it's gonna hurt, shall we?
- It might hurt both of us.
- I bet there's something even better under here.
- When it comes to cyber security,
the Environmental Protection Agency, EPA,
hasn't done a very good job protecting itself.
They caused quite a stink when an internal email
was leaked to the public, which warned of
EPA employees involved in inappropriate
bathroom incidents, including an individual placing feces
in the hallway. - What?
- [Stevie] What year did this email leak?
1998, 2009--
(Rhett rings bell)
Oh, Rhett.
- Now you don't even get to hear the third choice,
Mr. Quick Buzzer.
(laughs heartily)
- That's right, I don't know about this story,
but I'm just thinking about when, you know,
spreading your feces was popular.
(crew laughing)
And to best of my knowledge, that was 2009.
(safe beeping)
(buzzer buzzes) (Rhett vociferates)
No! (Link imitates buzzer)
(Link chuckles)
- Okay, so what are all of my choices?
- [Stevie] A, 1998,
B, 2009, or C, 2014?
- Okay, I feel like if this was 2014,
I would remember it.
Of course I was alive for all of these dates.
- Yeah you were, that's the interesting thing.
- It's a crapshoot.
(Rhett laughs)
But I'm gonna go with 1998.
(buzzer buzzes) (Link yells)
Dang, it was 2014?
- [Stevie] Uh-huh.
(both sighing)
- [Link] We both have to eat this.
- Yes we don't even-- - We don't even know
what's in here.
- But you know what the code is?
2014. (chuckles)
- Okay.
- I'll dink this one.
I don't care if it gets soiled.
- Here you go, dink it.
Dink it. - That was it.
- I was trying to wipe mine on there.
- And sink it.
- Uh-uh.
Oh my gosh!
- Here it comes.
(groans)
(whimpers)
(Rhett sighs softly)
- I can't swallow it.
- I think my nose is gonna fall off.
(coughs and spits)
(both coughing)
(electronic beeping and typing)
- I'm a bit scared.
After what we just experienced.
- Yeah, that was difficult.
- [Link] Three loafs of something that looks like--
- [Rhett] That's pate?
- [Stevie] No, that's clay.
- Oh.
But it's clay pate. - Okay ready?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- The most ramped up security in America
can usually be found at the airport.
In 2016 at the Detroit Metro Airport,
the TSA detected an oversized bottle of liquor
from a passenger.
Not only was the bottle of liquor prohibited,
but so were the dead endangered seahorses
that were floating inside.
How many dead seahorses were there?
A, two-- (Link rings bell)
Link!
- I didn't mean to buzz that quick. (laughs)
- Hopefully it's two.
- I guess I'm going for--
(safe beeping)
Two.
(buzzer buzzes) (Rhett laughs)
- It's not two, Link.
- It ain't two. - It's more than two.
- The other choices are five or 18.
- Oh.
- 18 seahorses is a lot.
- 18 is too many seahorses for one bottle.
Just in my expert opinion.
Seahorses don't like crowds.
- I've only seen them in crowds,
and they can be pretty small.
- So I'm going with five.
(safe beeping)
(bell rings) Yeah!
What I got here?
Is that just a peanut butter cracker?
- [Stevie] That's just peanut butter.
- Aw, come on!
Give me a little bit of the peanut butter.
- (laughing) Nope.
(sighs)
- I'm gonna go clay side down.
- Think about Clay Aiken while you're eating it.
That'll make it easier.
(electronic beeping and typing)
- What do we have here?
- Ugh. - Oh my gosh,
that's a lot of worms!
- [Rhett] Is that one worm or two worms per cracker?
- That's too much worm.
- [Stevie] I'm being told it's three worms per cracker.
- Oh gosh. - It's an earth worm?
- Oh no it's two, Chase lied to me.
- Okay two worms per cracker.
Two worms is enough.
- In Surrey, Canada, a Domino's delivery guy
was caught on a security camera in sight of
an elevator eating toppings from a customer's pizza.
How many toppings did he eat?
A, one, B, four-- (Rhett rings bell)
Rhett.
- You think he ate four toppings?
- I think he ate one topping,
because if you're gonna steal toppings, you're like, oh,
I really like olives, or I really like,
something that's easy to pick off but you don't do all four,
you just do one.
How many toppings can a pizza have?
- More than that of course.
- I'm going with one. - Go for it.
(safe beeping)
(buzzer buzzes) (Rhett wails)
- Okay.
- Would you like all the choices?
- I would love to hear all of the options.
- [Stevie] Okay, well all three of them are one,
four, or seven.
- Seven toppings is a lot. - That's a lot of toppings.
How many toppings can a pizza have?
- I think it's really, what makes the most viral video?
Is four enough to make a viral video
so that we're talking about this years later?
'Cause you go in, oh, that's a laugh.
And then you go in, rule of threes and one.
(crew laughs) (safe beeping)
I'm going with four toppings.
(bell rings) Yeah!
Yes!
I meant to do that.
- [Stevie] Okay guys, inside,
I mean on top of that cracker, inside of the safe,
is bacon jam and bacon.
And before you eat that, here's a video--
- I'm so freakin' relieved.
- [Stevie] Of the guy eating the toppings.
- [Link] There he goes.
- [Rhett] He put it on the floor of the elevator?
- [Link] Oh he's eating one.
Oh there's another one.
- [Rhett] Hey, that guy's gotta eat, you know?
- [Link] Three.
One more, four.
- Oh, okay, four individual toppings, okay.
(crew laughing)
I was thinking a different thing.
I was thinking he ate all the olives.
- Those were olives, so you were technically correct.
No you weren't.
Let's dink-- - I think I might be
technically correct but, we need a high def replay.
I just put a worm on your bacon.
- Well you touched it, I'm cool with that.
Fine with it.
Oh my gosh, don't you hate yourself?
(crew laughs)
But you know, bacon.
Mm, boy, smoky.
- This is smoky too. - Goodness.
- It's not goodness.
- Can you get it down?
- It's gonna be awhile.
(electronic beeping and typing)
One more cracker. - Oh gosh.
- [Rhett] Oh gosh.
- [Link] What is that?
- [Rhett] Is that a whole testicle?
- [Stevie] Yes.
- It looks like a human.
- [Stevie] They're really big for what animal
it actually is.
- Oh is it like a rabbit or something?
- [Stevie] It's a turkey.
I mean those are large balls. - Turkey's got big nuts.
- [Stevie] Yeah.
- Dang. - All right let's see who has
to eat one of these.
Security is one of the most important issues these days,
and no one does security better than Kevin James
in Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
- Yeah.
- [Stevie] What is the Rotten Tomatoes score of this film?
(Link moans)
Is it A, 32%, B, 19%,
or C, four percent? (Rhett rings bell)
Rhett.
- Now have you seen this movie?
- No.
- Have you seen the Rotten Tomatoes page for this movie?
- No. - Good.
I haven't either.
- Okay this is Paul Blart: Mall Cop number one,
this is not Paul Plart two?
- It's number one.
- 'Cause I think two's probably four.
Four is so low.
Can your first movie in a comedic series
that ends up having a second one be a four?
- How could they green light it?
- I don't think so, but I think a !9,
a 19 feels like a good, safe answer.
Let's go with 19.
(safe beeping)
(buzzer buzzes) No!
No!
(whimpers) It's a four.
It's a frickin' four?
Why did they make a second one?
- Unless it's not a four.
- I have to eat a turkey testicle.
- Paul Blart, help me.
(sighs)
(safe beeping)
I'm going with 32%.
(bell rings)
Yes!
(chuckles joyfully)
(deeply sighs)
Oh what is this?
- [Stevie] That cracker is so good too.
It's a funnel cake cracker.
- Oh gosh. - Oh man, you really got
the raw edge of the stick.
Well it's just below the stick.
- Yeah, the scrotum they call it.
- Oh gosh, now, I think that might explode in your mouth.
- Oh I'm hoping it's got a nice pop.
That's what I'm looking forward to is the pop
of the testicle in my mouth.
- Bite it in half if you want to.
- Really?
- Yeah, I kinda wanna see.
- Oh gosh it smells like a ball.
(crew laughing)
Paul Blart.
(softly whimpers)
(Link moans)
- Ew!
How much can I eat this?
- I'd rather eat Kevin James's nut.
(crew laughing)
- That can be arranged.
I want you to swallow it.
- I'm trying, man!
(Link chuckles)
- You can do it!
(Rhett exhales)
Oh!
Thanks to NordVPN for sponsoring today's episode,
and if you wanna get the absolute best internet security
out there, click the link in the description
for a special GMM discount on a NordVPN subscription.
- Thank you for liking, commenting and subscribing.
- You know what time it is. - I'm not shaking your hand.
- What's up Rhett and Link, my name is Jonathan
from New Jersey and here is my take
on Rhett's favorite snack from college.
And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- You need more cheese.
That's all I'm gonna say.
Click the top link to watch us eat the weirdest
viewer-submitted cracker toppings in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where the
Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
- [Rhett] We wrote a book, then we wrote our names in it.
What comes next is up to you.
We suggest buying it.
The limited edition signed Book of Mythicality
is available now at mythical.store.