Hey Everybody, Happy Monday.
Today I want to talk about something,
It's just been on my mind,
And it's been driving me crazy.
And it's super frustrating.
And I think it's just something that we should all be more aware of.
These are, the things that we say to other people in our lives,
As well as ourselves,
That we need to stop saying.
Like, we needed to stop saying it yesterday.
Now the idea for this video was sparked by a new documentary that I watched,
Called, Free Solo.
Where this amazing rock climber, Alex Honnold.
Climbs El Capitan.
Now, if you don't know what El Capitan is,
Because I didn't know what it was,
Also, before I get into this,
Spoilers.
If you hadn't watched it and you're going to be upset,
I'm going to ruin it for you, somewhat.
But I still think that it's worth watching.
Because it's not really about the ending.
Anyways, Let's get going.
So El Capitan is in Yosemite.
And it is,
You guys, it's crazy.
It's this huge rock formation,
Jagged, rough edges,
It's wild.
It's, it's, miraculous that anybody even considers climbing it.
And so, we are following Alex along,
As he prepares to climb it,
Without any ropes or gear.
Just him, and his skills.
It's intense.
And an amazing feat of human strength.
But, this is what made me want to talk about this in a video,
Is after he climbs El Capitan,
No ropes.
You guys, he could have plummeted to his death,
It was terrifying.
It was hard for me to even watch at points.
He sits down with the film crew the very next day,
And their first question to him is,
"So what's next for you?"
And, I, he answered it perfectly,
When you are watching this film,
I really like the, Alex, the guy that they are following,
Because he's not that emotive,
He doesn't respond the way people expect him to.
So his response was, you know,
Something to the effect of,
"Well I'm sure there will be another mountain that somebody wants to climb, you know,"
"And they'll do that, you know, that's what will be next."
And I loved that.
Because that question just seemed so ridiculous and infuriating to me.
Instead of asking him what's next,
They should have said something like,
"How does it feel to accomplish this?"
"How did it feel when you knew you were going to reach the summit?"
Or any number of things.
How did it feel,
What's it like,
Congratulations,
We're so proud of you.
Instead of saying,
What's next.
I just feel like,
I even personally have done that to myself.
I have "What's next"ed myself out of enjoying all of the effort I have put in.
When my book came out,
Last, well not technically last year,
Because now it's 2020.
But in 2018,
December of 2018,
I became an author.
It's crazy.
And I don't even think that I took the time to really celebrate it,
Because our society perpetuates this kind of,
"What's next" feeling.
And so by the time it actually came out,
Because I had turned in the manuscript like back in March,
And then you go through edits,
And audiobooks,
And all of that.
By the time I was able to see the fruits of my labor,
I was like, "What's next? Next thing."
And that's sad to me.
And so I encourage all of us just to be more aware,
Of when we ask ourself or someone else in our life what's next.
And how about maybe, instead of doing that,
We say something like,
"How are you doing?"
"How does it feel to do that?"
"You accomplished something, I'm proud of you."
"Let's some time to really soak that in."
And I wanted to take this conversation a step further,
Because, maybe you haven't recently heard what's next.
Or felt that inside of yourself when you have finished something, accomplished something.
Maybe that hasn't been your experience.
But something else that I am acutely aware of,
And is equally, if not more frustrating for me,
Is all of the questions about what's next in our relationships,
And in our life.
I can't tell you how many times I was asked,
First of all,
I met Sean when I was 24, Which I think was pretty young.
But, because I grew up in a small town,
Where most of my friends already had kids at that point.
Whenever I would go home,
Between the ages of 18 and, even after 24,
Because Sean and I were just dating.
I would be asked,
"When are you going to meet someone nice and settle down?"
"When are you going to settle down,"
"When are you going to get married, when's that going to happen?"
Like I couldn't enjoy being me right now.
It's almost like a different type of What's next.
Also, it assumes that I want that.
Many of us don't want that.
It's infuriating.
And then, after I was lucky enough to meet someone that I wanted to marry,
Immediately, people are like,
"When are you going to have kids? Huh?"
"Huh? You gonna have kids?"
"What about hmm, when?"
All the time.
We don't want kids.
Why do people ask that.
Not to mention that I have had many friends struggle with miscarriages,
And other issues when it comes to child bearing,
That those questions can be, like wounds,
Like, it can be so painful for them to hear that.
And so,
I think,
I'm just, I want to you because I feel like as a society,
We need to stop doing this to eachother.
We need to stop assuming that people want certain things,
Or that that is part of life,
Is just, What's next.
I would encourage us to instead tap into the present.
Like, how are you doing,
How was yesterday,
How is that work project you have been working on,
Stick to something that is happening now.
And celebrate people where they are at.
Because I can tell you,
Now, that even just to move on after Sean and I have already told everybody in our lives like,
We don't want kids, Get over it.
I love children, Just not for myself.
They are like,
"Well when are you going to buy a house?"
"So are you guys going to move out of that apartment you rent,"
"You should be buying a house."
"When are you going to.."
Are you kidding me?
We live in a very expensive area.
We're going to buy a house when we hit the lotto.
So just like get that that's not a goal for everyone.
And I don't know if you guys know this,
But I love Sex and the City.
It's one of my favourite shows from back in the day,
I watch re-runs to this day.
And I think it's in,
I want to say, Maybe season four or five,
Anyways, I forget when it is,
But, Miranda and Carrie and the girls,
Go, they are going out.
It shows the opening sequence is them putting their purses together,
They are getting ready,
And they are going to go out somewhere.
And you don't know where they are headed,
You assume they are just out for a night on the town or something,
Because they are always actively social.
But they are walking and all of a sudden Carrie is like,
"Why are we racing?"
"Do we really want to get to this engagement party?"
Turns out they are going to an engagement party for,
A guy friend of theirs who is now getting married.
And they show up there,
And people immediately ask this group of 'single' women,
You know, When are you going to settle down.
Are you seeing anybody special.
And Miranda goes on the offensive and makes a joke about,
"No I'm not seeing anybody special, I'm seeing a lot of unspecial people,"
"So if you have any unspecial people, send them my way"
And Carrie gets really angry.
She's like, "Why would you say that."
And Miranda's like,
"We were the only single people there. I was just going to try to make them laugh,"
"It just makes me more comfortable."
And then, flash forward,
She sees a friend on the street,
Who just got married,
And her first response to Miranda on the offensive is,
"I bet you are wondering where kids are,"
"But like I said to my husband, we can have white furniture."
So I say all of that to say that,
It's so entrenched in how we communicate to one another.
It's just such a huge part of our vernacular,
And the way that we talk to people that we care about.
And so just be aware.
Because there is so many other things in life,
Other than,
Meeting someone.
Getting married.
Having kids.
Buying a house.
What's next.
Overall, we need to stop doing that to one another.
Stop asking what's next,
When are you going to start dating,
Get married,
Have kids,
Buy a house,
Go back to school,
Whatever it is,
Let's all agree to allow us to just be where we are.
Enjoy the inbetween times.
The self discovery times.
And most of all,
Just allow us to be who we are.
And for the love of God,
Let's take the time to celebrate our successes,
And not simply think,
Well, what's next.
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