(gentle music)
- [Narrator] Lesson one: you can't win an argument.
Dale has been involved in
and observed thousands of arguments.
He came to the conclusion that to get the best
of an argument, avoid it altogether.
Nine times out of 10, an argument ends with each person
being more convinced that they're absolutely right.
Even if you win an argument, you lose.
Why?
Well, because you've made the other person feel inferior
and hurt their sense of pride.
Ask yourself, is it really worth your time and energy
trying to win an argument when it will give you nothing
but a temporary sense of victory in exchange
for making the other person feel like crap?
Lesson two: never tell a man he is wrong.
Wayne is a woodchopper.
Carl is a builder.
Wayne specialises in oak wood and Carl in pine wood.
One day, Carl ordered some oak wood from Wayne.
Upon inspecting the oak wood, Carl was frustrated
with its poor quality and wasn't willing to pay for it.
But Wayne noticed his quality inspection was too strict
and was misinterpreting how to asses
the quality of oak wood.
He knew Carl was wrong.
Now most people would be tempted to say,
Carl, mate, you're bloody wrong.
But not Wayne.
Instead, he began asking questions as to why the oak wood
was not of high quality.
He emphasised that he was only asking so that he could give
Carl exactly what he wanted for future orders.
He approached the situation in a friendly
and cooperative manner.
Eventually, Carl's attitude changed.
He soon admitted he was not experienced with oak wood
and began asking Wayne questions.
He finally understood that it was his fault for making
poor judgements about the quality of the wood.
Carl ended up happily paying for the wood.
Now that's the power of never telling someone they're wrong.
Feel free to try this out in your own life.
I'm confident you will notice that people respond
much more positively to you
when you don't tell them they're wrong.
Lesson three: ask questions instead of giving orders.
It makes people want to cooperate with you.
If you want your roommate to help you do the dishes,
you will likely get a more positive response if you say:
hey Clarence, could you please give me a hand
with the dishes?
Instead of: hey Clarence, do the dishes with me now.
Framing your request as a question rather than a demand
makes Clarence feel like he has a choice and therefore
will be more responsive to your requests.
Lesson four: remember names.
Andrew Carnegie, one of the richest men in history
understood the importance of names.
As a child, he had a nest of pet rabbits
but no food to feed them.
He told the boys in the neighbourhood
that if they would go out and get enough dandelions
to feed the rabbits,
he would name the bunnies in their honour.
The plan worked.
He used the same principle in business.
A man named Pullman and himself were fighting
against each other trying to get
the sleeping car business to work.
During a meeting one evening, Andrew suggested
that they merge companies and work together.
Pullman listened intently and then asked,
what would you call the new company?
Andrew responded:
why, the Pullman Palace Car Company, of course.
Pullman's face brightened and he said: come into my room,
let's talk it over.
When I first met Amy, she told me her name
but I didn't hear her properly.
I asked her to say it again.
And even a third time during class.
The longer you leave it, the more awkward it becomes.
You might feel embarassed about asking more than once
but realise that people appreciate it when you take the time
to learn their name.
I remember randomly talking to a man in my class named Tom.
Next week I came in and I said: hey Tom, how are you doing?
And he said: wow, I'm surprised you remembered my name.
And now for the final lesson:
talk in terms of others' interests.
If there was just one lesson you could take away
from this book this would be it.
I really struggle to talk to new people.
It doesn't matter if we have nothing in common
because I talk about their interest.
In one of my first conversations with Amy,
I asked her a simple question:
what do you like to do in your spare time?
She said: I listen to music, randomly sing and dance,
draw, do artsy stuff, try to keep fit,
watch movies and funny TV shows, I read, I cook,
I play with my pets
and spend time with my family and friends.
I followed her up with another simple question.
Okay, so what do you read and what do you draw?
Amy got excited.
After a long outburst of sharing her interests,
she said: I'm getting way too excited talking about this.
No one ever gets to know me this way
so I have this all bottled up.
It's so awesome talking about my passions
so thanks for listening to me.
We get along so well now and have been great friends since.
It doesn't matter whether you're talking to your boss,
work mates, teachers, friends, family, or strangers.
Talk in terms of other people's interests
and they'll love you for it.
Okay, now let's summarise what we've learned today.
You can win an argument.
Never tell a man he is wrong.
Ask questions instead of giving orders.
Remember names.
And most importantly, talk in terms of other's interests.
Feel free to drop a comment below and subscribe
to this channel for more weekly videos like this one.
(gentle music)