>> THIS WEEK MARKS THE START OF "WHAT ABOUT WHITE HISTORY
MONTH?" >> TOMORROW NIGHT THE NEW
ENGLAND PATRIOTS WILL FACE THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES IN SUPER
BOWL LII. SO WHETHER YOU'RE A PATS FAN OR
AN EAGLES REMEMBER CHILD SUPPORT WAS DUE ON THE 1st.
>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT A SEQUEL IS IN THE WORKS FOR THE
MEL GIBSON MOVIE "THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST" SO GET READY TO SEE
"I STILL KNOW WHAT JEWS DID LAST SUMMER."
YOU KNOW, I REFUSE TO SEE ANOTHER "PASSION OF THE CHRIST"
MOVIE UNLESS JESUS HAS THE LINE "YOU CROSSED THE WRONG GUY."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NAILED IT.
>> NO, IT'S JUST -- EXPERTS ARE SAYING THAT CAPETOWN, SOUTH
AFRICA WILL RUN OUT OF WATER ON APRIL 12th.
MEANWHILE IN THE REST OF THE WORLD, IT'S PRETTY INSANE THAT A
MAJOR CITY IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF WATER IN LIKE TWO MONTHS AND
I'M JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS. IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING.
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW MORE LIKE WHEN YOU RUN INTO AN
OLD FRIEND AND YOU'RE LIKE HOW IS YOUR SON AND SHE'S LIKE CHE
HE'S YOUR SON TOO. >>> HERE TO TALK TO US ABOUT
MAKING A SUPER BOWL HAD IS OUR OWN PETE DAVIDSON.
>> YOU SHOT A COMMERCIAL RECENTLY, RIGHT?
>> YES, A FEW MONTHS AGO I SHOT A DOCKERS COMMERCIAL BECAUSE
THINGS IN MY CAREER A GOING EXACTLY HOW I WANT THEM TO GO.
I'M JUST PLAYING, DOCKERS ARE GREAT, I WEAR THEM ALL OF THE
TIME, THEIR DOPE, THEIR COMFY AND THEY'RE CLEAN, THEY'RE
DOCKERS. >> GREAT WORK, WE GOT IT, NICE.
>> SEAMLESS PLUS. >> FOR SURE, THE PREMISE OF THE
CAMPAIGN WAS THAT I HAD TO GO OUT ON THE STREETS OF SAN
FRANCISCO AND GET PEOPLE TO TAKE THEIR PANTS OFF AND TRADE THEM
FOR A PAIR OF DOCKERS. WHAT WAS CRAZY IS WE SHOT THE
CAMPAIGN LIKE A MONTH BEFORE ALL OF THE WEINSTEIN-SPACEY SEXUAL
HARASSMENT STUFF HAPPENED, SO ALL OF THESE ARTICLES ARE COMING
OUT ABOUT THESE MONSTERS AND BETWEEN THEM ARE ADS OF ME ON
THE STREET LIKE "HEY, LADY, YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?
I'M PETE DAVIDSON." >> SO NOT IDEAL TIMING.
>> YEAH I WAS OUT THERE FOREVER AND NOBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME.
I FELT LIKE AL GORE TRYING TO TALK HELD ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING.
MIAMI IS NOT GOING TO EXIST SOON, YOU KNOW?
SEE, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
>> SO THE DOCKERS? >> YEAH, SO FINALLY I GOT ONE
GUY TO STOP. I WAS LIKE WHAT'S UP, HE'S LIKE
I'M STEVE FROM OAKLAND, AND I'M LIKE WHAT BRINGS YOU TO SAN
FRANCISCO, AND HE GOES "MY DAUGHTER."
>> THAT IS SWEET, MAN, ARE YOU VISITING HER IN COLLEGE OR
SOMETHING, AND HE WAS LIKE NO, SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I'M
LIKE IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OKAY.
AND HE'S LIKE I HOPE SO, SHE HAS CANCER, AND I WAS LIKE -- WOULD
YOU LIKE TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF? AND TRADE THEM IN FOR A PAIR OF
DOCKERS? >> WOW, THAT WAS GOOD.
>> YEAH, THAT'S THE COMMERCIAL. >> ALSO, BY THE WAY, WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND. >> I PUNCHED A DOOR, IT'S A
REALLY GOOD STORY, YOU SEE LIKE I HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS -- THAT'S
THE STORY. >> OH, YEAH.
>> IT'S BEEN A LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
I GOT REALLY GOOD AT DOING THINGS WITH MY LEFT HAND, YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> NO, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE WITH THE RIGHT, BUT THE LEFT IS
REALLY STARTING TO SHINE. IT'S LIKE WHEN DREW BLEDSOE GOT
HURT AND TOM BRADY SUBBED IN. I LEARNED HOW TO MASTURBATE WITH
MY LEFT HAND. >> WE GOT IT.
>>> MOLLLY WILL BE USING THE PRIZE MONEY TO SOUNDPROOF HER
BATHROOM. >> UNITED AIRLINES PREVENTED A
PASSENGER FROM BRINGING AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PEACOCK ON A
CROSS COUNTRY FLIGHT. WHEN HAS A BIRD PUT ANYONE AT
EASE, LET ALONE IN A CONFINED SPACE.
NO ONE EVER USED THE PHRASE "OH GOOD, A BIRD IS INSIDE."
>> THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY, THE SHORTEST MONTH AND
OFTEN THE COLDEST, IT CAN BE HARD ON YOUR SPIRIT, SO HERE TO
CHEER US UP IS MY NEIGHBOR, WILLY
>> HOW ARE YOU? >> I JUST LOVE, FEBRUARY,
28 DAYS OF FUN AND EXCITEMENT. BY THE WAY, GROUND HOG SAW HIS
SHADOW, YESTERDAY, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
>> NO, WHAT? >> SIX MORE WEEKS OF LEAVING
YOUR OVEN DOOR OPEN FOR HEAT. >> THAT'S REALLY DANGEROUS, MAN,
YOU CAN'T DO THAT. >> PRESIDENT'S DAY IS COMING.
AND, THAT MEANS MATTRESS SALES. >> ALL RIGHT.
>> LAST YEAR I GOT A MATTRESS FOR ONLY 30 CENTS.
>> REALLY, WHERE? >> THE POLICE AUCTION.
OH, IT'S A NICE ONE TOO. WHEN YOU TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT
YOU CAN SEE THE CONSTELLATIONS. >> THAT'S GROSS.
>> MICHAEL, GUESS WHAT I DID FOR BLACK HISTORY MONTH?
>> DO I WANT TO KNOW? >> YEAH, I WENT AND I TRACKED MY
ANCESTORS. >> IT'S REALLY EASY.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IT PUT IN YOUR FULL NAME, SOCIAL SECURITY
AND BANK INFORMATION TO WEST AFRICA AND THEN YOU WAIT FOR THE
RESULTS. >> THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SCAM.
>> EXCUSE ME, MICHAEL, BUT DO YOU THINK THE GRAND NEPHEW OF
PRINCE HAKUNAH MATATA WOULD FALL FOR A SCAM.
IT'S LIKE MY ANCESTORS USED TO SAY IN THE VILLAGE, I WON A FREE
BOAT TRIP. >> WILLY.
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BETTER.
>> I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED TO SAY THIS.
I BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE SUPER REALISTIC SEX DOLLS OFF THE
INTERNET. >> REALLY?
>> YEAH, I GOT A GREAT DEAL ON IT, TOO.
SHE LOOKS SUPER REALISTIC. LONG WHITE HAIR, LONG SHARP
NAILS, SKIN COLD TO THE TOUCH. >> OH, WILLY.
>> LIMBS, STIFF A BOARD, AND AS SOON AS I UNZIPPED THAT BIG
BLACK BAG AND SAW HER EYES STARRING BACK AT ME, I KNEW I
WAS GONNA BE IN THE HOUSE ALL NIGHT.
>> OKAY MAN. >> DOLLS DON'T HAVE TOE TAGS
WILLY. SUPER REALISTIC, HUH?
SO ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL?
>> NO NO NO. I'M GOING TO WATCH THE PUPPY
BOWL INSTEAD. MY OLD DOG LUCIOUS USED TO BE A
COACH. >> YOUR DOG, COACHED THE PUPPY
BOWL? >> YEAH, TAUGHT THOSE PUPPIES
HOW TO RUN FAST. HE WOULD JUMP ON TOP AND PIN
THEIR SHOULDERS AND TEACH THEM HOW TO TACKLE, AND HE WOULD PUT
HIS PAW ON THEIR MOUTH TO TEACH THEM HOW TO KEEP QUIET.
>> OH NO, WILLY, COME ON. >> IT'S LIKE THEY ALWAYS SAY,
MICHAEL. YOUR DOG IS A MOLESTER, WILLY.
>> THANK YOU, WILLY. ♪♪♪