- Is a doctor smarter than a fifth grader?
Eight years of school, four years of high school,
three years of college, four years of medical school,
three years of residency.
I should be a pro and knock these out of the park.
Also, we're doing the million (whooshing sound plays)
dollar question from the actual show.
(vocalizing an indistinct noise) (string music sounds once)
First grade question.
I came to America in first grade so this is gonna be easy.
Human beings- (chalk scratches)
breathe with their lips (popping sound),
lungs (popping sound), liver (popping sound),
or kidneys (popping sound)?
This is easy.
Lungs, final answer B. (chime sounds once)
Which day (chalk scratching)
was the first of the 20th century?
Oh no, this is the one I'm bad at.
I used to go to a store called 21st Century.
It was a discount clothing store.
And I used to say,
"What's gonna happen when we hit the 22nd century?"
So I think the century is actually 100 years ahead.
So the first day of the 20th century-
(chalk scratching) had to be the 1900s.
B, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice)
(screaming) No! What?
In Russia, this is quite similar
because let's say it's 9:15.
In Russia, they say it's 15 (five droplets sound)
minutes of the 10th hour.
But if that's the same principle,
January 1st, 1900,
should be the first day
of the 20th century. (chalk scratching)
If you mix an equal amount of red paint
with yellow paint, what color does it make?
God, I hate these questions.
I'm basically color illiterate.
I'm not colorblind. I'm color illiterate.
I'm going to take this the med school approach.
It's not black. Purple doesn't make a lot of sense.
Brown doesn't make a lot of sense. I think it's orange.
C, final answer. (chime sounds once)
Yeah!
Imagine a clock.
Imagining.
The big hand is at 12.
The little hand is at seven. What time is it?
God, I hate these.
These all I'm thinking is it's seven o'clock,
but I feel like that's wrong.
D, seven o'clock, final answer. (chime sounds once)
God, if I got that wrong and I didn't know how to tell time,
you should be worried.
My patients should be worried.
The following landmark is located in what country?
Yo. That's home baby.
That's the Red Square, Russia. (chime sounds once)
Yeah, baby. (chalk scratching on board)
Which number does the Roman numeral X V I represent?
Okay, I'm good at the basic versions
of these Roman numerals.
10 (one drip sounds), five (one drip sounds),
and six (one drip sounds) means 16, (one drip sounds),
A, (chalk scratches), 16,
final answer, (single chime sounds)
Boom.
Which mineral is responsible for the formation of our bones?
(happy dance noises sound)
Whoever put oxygen on here was just trying
to get someone to mess up and look bad.
Final answer, (chalk scratching)
you need calcium for your bones.
(single chime sounds)
Interestingly enough, (squeak)
we actually use (droplet sounds) our bones,
as a source of calcium
when we need it and don't have it. (chime sounds)
And there are certain conditions
that affect certain hormones like the parathyroid hormone,
when imbalance can actually lead to an over-breakdown
of bones, pulling the calcium away from them.
(whoosh sounds) Cool story.
How many- (chalk scratching)
adjectives are in the following sentence?
Okay. Adjectives: describing words.
Sometimes, bear gets really hungry and drools
all over his super crunchy dog food.
Sometimes (squeak), that's not a describing word.
Actually (cowbell strikes), could that be a describing word?
Bear (squeak), is not an adjective.
Gets (squeak), not an adjective.
Really (squeak), Not an adjective.
Hungry (squeak), not an adjective.
Drools (squeak), all (squeak), over (squeak),
his super (chalk scrapes), I think super is one,
crunchy (squeak) two.
Remember, I'm an immigrant.
so I'm allowed to struggle with this.
When I came to America, the classes were done
like one dash one meant you were in the good class.
One dash two, you were in the mediocre class.
One dash three, you were really struggling.
I went to one three, two three, three three,
and only in fourth grade that I go to four one.
So second grade, I'm still struggling.
I'm going to say B (chalk scrapes), two, final answer.
(single chime sounds)
Yes! Super crunchy.
- [Sam] Extra credit. What are the two adjectives?
- Super and crunchy. (squeaky scratch sounds)
It's not?
- [Sam] One is crunchy, and the second one is hungry.
Hunger would be a noun.
You got it right!
- I got it right. End of story.
Grammar police, show us what's up in the comments section.
The following flag belongs to what nation?
Not Germany, not Poland.
I'm 94 1/2 percent sure it's Spain.
(chalk scratch) (chime sounds)
A hundred yards would be how many feet?
At least it's not meters, 'cause that would be confusing.
Three feet in a yard, a hundred yards, 300 feet.
So D (chalk scratches), final answer. (chime sounds)
Okay, good.
At least I know how much I can throw.
- [Sam] You can throw 100 yards?
- Mm hun.
(Sam laughs) (chalk scratches)
Which president is this?
Oh, this is so stressful.
God, if I get it wrong, this is going to be so embarrassing.
Oh man.
Lyndon B Johnson, Dwight D Eisenhower, Gerald Ford.
Okay. Eisenhower, I'm pretty sure wore glasses.
This guy looks like a Lyndon B Johnson,
but I don't think it's Lyndon B Johnson. (laughs)
I'm leaning towards Gerald Ford,
also 'cause it's a color image.
I'm going to say D (chalk scratching),
Gerald Ford, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice)
What?
Eisenhower you wore glasses, bro. Why are you lying?
I really thought he was smaller than this.
- [Sam] How can you tell his size?
- I don't know. His head, his head size.
I judge everyone on their head size. (all laugh)
What is the capital of Connecticut?
God, at least you're not asking me to spell Connecticut,
cause that would be a disaster.
I know it's not Danbury cause Dan is from Danbury
and I know that's definitely not the capital.
Look at this guy.
God, it could be any of these.
I just don't think it's Hartford
cause it feels like it's Hartford
which means that it's not it. (crash sound plays)
I'm going to say B- (chalk scratching)
New Haven. (buzzer sounds twice)
No! It's Hartford.
- [Dan] (laughing)
You knew it?
- [Dan] Well, yeah.
- You couldn't wink?
Which one is the one of the great lakes? Come on, man.
I don't even know if there are great lakes.
No, actually I know this, it's the Great Salt Lake.
There's no such thing as the Great Salt Lake. (chime sounds)
I knew that. Just cause the choices are easy.
- [Sam] There's no such thing as The Great Salt Lake?
- I mean, as part of The Great Lakes.
If you ask me to name the other great lakes, I would fail.
Oh Michigan. (cowbell sounds)
Oh Michigan.
(Both laughing)
- [Sam] There's the biggest- - Ontario?
- [Sam] That's right and now one more! (bell dings)
- Is that the biggest one?
- [Sam] No, the biggest is the one you haven't named.
- Oh.
It's over Wisconsin.
- None of that helps me. Give me the first letter.
- [Sam] "S"
- Lake Superior?
- [Sam] There you go.
- Oh, I needed a letter.
- [Sam] The doc is in.
- [Dan] This man is learned.
- What is the fourth planet from the sun?
This is terrible. (Dan laughing)
This is terrible.
Mars is closer to the sun than Earth.
Saturn is not.
Saturn is far. It has rings.
Mercury is right after (rising whistle sounds)
the Earth?
God, is Earth the fourth planet
or is earth the fifth or third planet?
Mars. (one chime sounds)
Yes!
I don't know. Earth is third?
- [Sam] Earth is third.
- Oh my God. Thank God I knew that.
Was (droplet sounds) I correct
in thinking that mercury is second?
- [Sam] Mercury is first, so it's-
- Oh Mercury, Jupiter, no.
- [Sam] Jupiter is two? You think Jupiter is two?
- I don't know where Jupiter is at all.
- [Dan] Jupiter is the largest, yeah?
- [Sam] Mm hun, one of the gaseous giants, as you well know.
- That was my nickname.
(electronic beep sounds) (chalk scratches)
Blood cells are created in our heart, arteries,
intestines, or bones?
Blood cells (droplet sounds) go through our body
because the heart beats,
they (droplet sounds) travel through little tunnels
called arteries (droplet sounds).
Those arteries sometimes go to our intestines
and allow us to poop.
And finally (droplet sounds)
blood is made (chalk scratches) in our bones, (chime sounds)
A K A, our bone marrow.
(chalk scratching) (clock ticking)
Bruno Mars lives on which layer of Earth?
Oh no.
Mantle, crust, stratosphere, mesosphere.
It's not the crust.
That's like the deep, (droplet sounds) the deep south.
The mantle is the hotspot. I don't think that's it.
I'm pretty sure the stratosphere is one layer above,
which is where like the planes fly.
I think we live on the mesosphere,
or is it the other way around?
'Cause I remember like when people
used to like make fun of someone,
they think (droplet sounds) "Oh you have such a big ego,
your head's in the stratosphere."
So I'm going to say D, (chalk scratches)
mesosphere, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice)
Crust? You don't live in the crust.
- [Sam] We live on the crust.
(crickets chirping)
(test tone sounds once)
Which one (chalk scratches) of these states
does not border Texas?
Oh man, this is going to be embarrassing.
New Mexico, Louisiana, Arkansas, Colorado.
Louisiana (squeak) has that L-thing going on.
I feel like it's just,
it's kind of like just floating in the water.
Colorado, It's cold there.
See, I think this is a trick question. (cowbell sounds once)
You would think New Mexico would be the answer,
would not be the answer,
but New Mexico is probably one state
apart from it, it is the one that is not touching.
I'm gonna go Mexico, New Mexico, final answer.
(buzzer sounds twice)
I knew it was cold in Colorado.
What part of the human body contains the smallest bones?
The spine (droplet sounds) has a vertebrae.
The hands (droplet sounds) have carpals.
The feet (droplet sounds) have tarsals,
and the ears (droplet sounds) have the stapes.
Ears, (chalk scratches) A, final answer. (chime sounds once)
The Statue of Liberty (chalk scratches)
was a gift to the United States from which country?
I've actually been in the Statue of Liberty, in the crown,
which I don't think they allow people to do that.
I did that in like 1996, 97.
It was from France. (chime sounds)
And I believe the entire thing, is it made from copper?
(chime sounds)
Am I making that up?
A tamarin is a type of, is it a bird? Is it a shark?
Is it a dog? It's a monkey.
Okay. It's definitely not a dog. (cowbell sounds)
I know all dogs. It could be a shark. (wood blocks sound)
It could also be a bird. I know nothing about birds.
A monkey, a tamarin. (cowbell sounds)
Oh, that's a tamarin monkey.
I'm thinking of like a copperhead shark for some reason.
And I'm thinking that another name for a copperhead
is a tamarin, but a tamarin could also be a monkey.
But why I've never heard of that monkey is very unique,
because I've heard a lot of different monkeys.
Like I've been to a lot of monkey locations.
I'm going to say monkey. D, (chalk scratches) final answer.
(chime sounds)
Yeah. I love monkeys.
Here's (droplet sounds) a picture of me with a monkey.
What is (chalk scratches)
the first element on the Periodic Table?
Oh, I think I know this one though.
Hydrogen, Helium, Carbon, or Oxygen?
Hydrogen. I think it's found in every living thing.
Hydrogen, A, (chalk scratches) final answer. (chime sounds)
Yeah.
Part of a person's sleep cycle is called the REM cycle.
What does REM stand for?
Rapid Eye Movement, Random Eye Manipulation.
(laughs) Sounds painful. (screams)
Renal Entry Mandate, and a Rapid Ear Malfunction.
Aw, so it's actually Rapid Eye Movement. (chime sounds)
And if anyone ever has seen someone's eyes lift up
while they're going through this,
the eyes will (random rapidly oscillating effect sounds)
What are the three states of matter?
Solid, liquid, gas baby. (chime sounds)
(Laughs demonically)
(tone plays) (chalk scratches)
What is the smallest prime number?
I believe when they say a prime number is anything that is-
(ascending whistle playing)
if you divide it by itself (cowbell strike plays)
(indistinct)
But I remember like whatever the definition is,
it's other than zero and one.
That it's only divisible
by itself or one, that is not zero or one.
So I think three (chalk scraping) is the final answer.
(buzzer sounds twice)
Oh, two?
I guess two is also only divisible by two and one,
Aw I knew the answer and I didn't even read.
This is why you don't rush kids.
What is the human body's largest organ?
Skin, liver, veins, bones.
(laughs)
Skin (chalk scrapes), final answer. (chime sounds)
Huge organ. Huge.
What is the hardest mineralized substance in the human body?
Definitely not tooth enamel.
Keratin I feel like is what like (cowbell sounds)
crab shells have inside of them.
Ah, I'm so stuck between B and C, and they always say,
if you don't know the answer, choose B or C,
and I'm stuck between B or C.
I'm going to say C (chalk scratches), keratin, final answer.
(buzzer sounds twice)
Oh, it's tooth enamel?
- [Sam] Tooth enamel.
- What? Tooth enamel's soft.
The dentists always say,
"Don't brush so hard 'cause you'll damage your enamel."
What kind of hard mineralized substance
gets destroyed by brushing it a little bit hard?
(phone ringing)
- [Dr. Rubinshtein] Yo.
- Doctor.
- [Dr. Rubinshtein] Waddup brother?
- What is the hardest mineralized substance
in the human body?
- [Dr. Rubinshtein] Enamel?
- Why is it enamel?
But you told me enamel's soft,
and I should not brush so hard
because I'm destroying my enamel.
- [Dr. Rubinshtein] You can scratch your enamel, of course!
Over time, when you scratch, and you have acid erosion,
it's a quantitative damage.
It's not like one time and it's broken.
- What about dentin?
- [Dr. Rubinshtein] Very soft.
That's why once you get a cavity past enamel,
which is like the skull part of your brain.
The dentin is like the brain.
It's soft, it's mushy.
- All right. Stop showing off with your vocabulary.
(vinyl record scratching) (suspenseful music plays)
Acadia National Park is located in which US State?
I don't know why am I going to say North Dakota?
I don't think that's the right answer.
I'm going to think about it for a second. Acadia.
Is it California? Could be California.
There's a bear (droplet sounds)
on the California logo (droplet sounds) of some kind.
(exhales audibly) Why do I want to say North Dakota?
(soft music plays) (heel thumping repeatedly)
Is it North or South Dakota?
Has anyone heard of this national park,
if we're being honest?
North Dakota, I'm going to go with my gut.
- [Sam] Wow. You're going to put 1,000,000 dollars
on the line?
- Yeah, North Dakota, final answer.
- [Sam] What else do you know about North Dakota,
that would lead you to think this?
(cowbell strikes) - Not much. (droplet sounds)
I don't really know what goes on in North Dakota.
(bison moaning) (birds crying)
What's a hint that you can give me without giving it away?
- [Sam] Acadian National Park
- No, Acadia- - is on the east coast.
No. Oh, you're going to say New York, I'm going to cry.
It's New York, isn't it?
- [Sam] Let's press that button. (slaps leg)
- Maine. (buzzer sounds)
(chalk scratches) Who would know that?
- [Sam] You got,
(drum roll) (chime)
- What? I did terribly.
- [Sam] You got a C!
- Yeah, but some of the questions were wrong.
- [Sam] Oh?
- Like the century question is clearly wrong.
(general laughter)
- [Sam] That's, how it works.
- Nickelodeon medical scenes reactions here.
Who knew medicolodeon, medicolodeon.
Who knew Nickelodeon had medical scenes in it.
SpongeBob is quite the doctor. Not going to lie.
Check that out.
And as always, stay happy, and healthy.
SpongeBob, Squidward, or Mr. Krabby Patty?
Who is more medically accurate?
Find out here.
(upbeat music plays)