AND NOW IT'S FIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT.
THE MUFFIN TOPS ON THE PILLOW TOP.
[LAUGHTER]
FIRST ONE TO EJACULATE WINS.
OH, IF YOU TOOK A BLACK LIGHT TO THAT ROOM,
IT WOULD GLOW LIKE THE SUN.
I WOULD SAY THIS VIDEO'S GAY,
BUT THERE'S NO BED SKIRT ON THAT MATTRESS.
SO IT'S NOT GAY.
I BET THAT MEMORY FOAM WISHES IT COULD FORGET THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S NOTHING.
I HAD A ROYAL RUMBLE ON MY BED LAST NIGHT.
I REALLY DID.
[LAUGHTER]
[ALL GROANING]
THAT IS A GREAT WAY TO GET IN SHAPE.
MICHELLE OBAMA WOULD BE PROUD.
KARL!
I KNEW I'D FIND YOU HERE, BROTHER.
I GOT ONE QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN TOSHAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?
FIRST, LET'S OIL UP.
- BIG.
- [GROANS]
[GROANING]
SORRY, BROTHER.
I DID MY FINISHER A LITTLE EARLY.
[EXHALES]
YOU'RE AWESOME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE LIKE A PIG JUST TEN MINUTES AGO.
- YOU ARE HOT COMMODITY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
BUBBA GAVE ME FULL PERMISSION TO POUND THAT GUY.
- YOU KNOW HOW TO REVERSE A FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK?
- UH, YES, I DO. - LET ME SLAP THAT
FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK ON YOU REAL QUICK.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON?
- I KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON.
- OW! [GRUMBLES]
YOU GONNA REVERSE IT?
YOU GONNA REVERSE--OH!
[FAKE CRYING]
- [GROWLING]
I'M BY NO MEANS AN INTERIOR DECORATOR,
BUT THE LAYOUT OF THIS ROOM MAKES ZERO SENSE.
A TV RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR?
I HAVE UNDERESTIMATED JUST HOW STUPID COLLEGE KIDS ARE.
GOOD TECHNIQUE, CUPPING THE BALLS
SO THE CHAIR DOESN'T CATCH A PIECE.
THIS AIN'T HIS FIRST RODEO.
MUST BE TRYING TO TENDERIZE THAT TUSH
FOR SPRING BREAK.
YOU WANT TO CRANK IT UP TO 110%,
HIT HIM WITH THE SKINNY SIDE OF THE CHAIR.
I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT BEER IS GLUED TO HIS HAND.
OKAY, WE'RE IMPRESSED.
ENOUGH WITH THE ENCORES, SPRINGSTEEN.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM
WHEN YOUR FOOT'S CAUGHT
IN A ROSS DRESS FOR LESS SHOPPING BAG.
AT LEAST WE KNOW HE DIDN'T PAY DEPARTMENT STORE PRICES
FOR THAT AWFUL AFFLICTION SHIRT.
(MAN) DON'T BE INCOMPLETE.
SHOW THE BUTT.
(TOSH) YES, PLEASE SHOW THE BUTT.
OH, DID YOU BLAST A HOLE IN HIS BRIEFS?
I'D LIKE TO THINK HE WAS WEARING CROTCHLESS MAN-TIES
THIS WHOLE TIME,
AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.
ALRIGHT YOU GUYS KNOW ME AS THE HOST OF TOSH.0
BUT WHAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW
IS THAT I AM THE CURRENT UNDEFEATED CHAMPION
OF THE COMEDY CENTRAL ARM WRESTLING LEAGUE.
YEAH. DON'T BELIEVE IT?
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I SPEND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS
ON MY OWN ARM WRESTLING TABLE?
IT'S ABOUT 150 ACTUALLY.
STILL NOT CONVINCED?
WELL, HERE'S SOME OF MY HIGHLIGHTS, MOTHER[BLEEP].
I AM GONNA [BLEEP] RUIN THIS OLD MAN.
READY? GO.
OH, THERE IT IS.
AHH!
- GO.
- OHH! AHH!
- READY, SET, WRESTLE.
- OH!
- WAH!
- GO.
- OH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- WRESTLE.
- AH!
- WRESTLE.
- AHH!
[CHEERING]
- WHAT?
- IT IS THE TRIGGER.
THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT.
UNH!
YOU'RE NEXT, LINCOLN HAWK.
THAT'S RIGHT, TURN YOUR HAT AROUND ALL YOU WANT.
I'M TAKING YOUR SON AND YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP.