- Hey what's up, everybody?
I just thought I would change things up,
move to a different area, gain a new perspective on life.
And I'm joined here by my friend, a pumpkin.
Today I wanna talk about developing
your introverted thinking, your Ti.
Now this is something that a lot of INFJs need to do
because for about half of you out there,
introverted thinking is going to be a, a demon function.
Luckily for the INFJ, it's something that,
it feels a little bit more within your grasp.
You're like, introverted thinking, I'm scared of it
but I can do it, man, I can handle it.
It's not like extroverted sensing where you're like,
"Get, get away, get away from me!"
It's not like that.
What is introverted thinking
and how is it a demon for a lot of us?
Not all of us, some of us prefer the introverted thinking
and it's the extroverted feeling that some of us need
to develop but we're not gonna worry about that right now.
We're just gonna worry about those of us, like me,
for whom introverted thinking is a demon.
So don't get too hung up
on the thinking versus feeling dichotomy here.
Don't think that a feeling type, like an INFJ
can't be logical and can't, like, think.
It has to do more with the introverted
versus extroverted spectrum there.
So extroverted feeling, we're looking out at everyone else.
We're really concerned with what is everyone else feeling
and what do they all like and what does the,
what are all the values, the spectrum of values,
that everyone has?
When that is your savior, you're oriented towards looking
at everyone else and checking in with them
before you check in with yourself
and that's where the Ti is, is when you're checking
in with yourself first.
If you're too hopped up on extroverted feeling
and you're neglecting the introverted thinking
what is gonna happen is you're constantly looking
for validation from others and it's almost like
you're not allowed to have an opinion or to do what you want
unless you feel like everyone else is in on it.
You don't trust yourself, you don't trust your own identity
to go forward and make decisions
and clearly this is something that we gotta get a handle on
because you gotta live your own life.
You can't just spend your life looking around
at everyone else, taking care of everyone else,
and then making your decisions based off
of what everyone else is thinking.
I mean, to give you an example from my own life,
when I was in high school looking for colleges to go to
and apply to, my introverted thinking
wasn't even really on my radar.
I was just looking out at what everyone else thought
was a good idea for me, and like what my parents wanted,
where they wanted me to go,
what they felt most comfortable with,
and then after they kind of gave their two cents,
then I felt okay to go along with the decision.
As you get into your 20s, you become more aware of it.
You become more aware of your own identity.
It's at that point where you go into this other thing
of knowing the decision that you wanna make
but, as I mentioned before, first you have to go out
and see what everyone else thinks
and make sure that they like the idea.
Like, would that example I brought up
with me looking for colleges earlier say,
let's just say for an example
that I knew where I wanted to go and I had my reasons
for doing it and I was like,
"Yeah, this is, this is right for me,"
but I didn't, I wouldn't feel like I could say that
until I put it out to other people and said,
"Hey, I'm thinking about this place.
"What do you think, is that a good idea?
"Do you like this place, what?"
And you wanna go out and get everyone else's opinion
before yours has the right to be heard.
'Cause your opinion, when you have low Ti,
when you have demon Ti, your opinion and what you want
and your decisions aren't, you don't trust them.
And of course the problem is that because we don't trust it,
there are times when we get into conflict with other people
where they will start maybe, you know, out of a good place.
I've had this happen before where friends
or people I've been dating have been telling me
what their opinion was about what I should be doing,
like with my life, and the problem with that
is when you start to talk about (chuckles)
what are you doing with your life,
like this isn't some stupid decision,
like where are we going to dinner, or, you know,
what kinda pumpkin am I gonna buy.
Like a bigger decision like what kinda job should you get
and what should you, what should your strategy be
for making your life better,
that speaks directly to your identity
and that's when it starts to come out
and manifest itself in conflicts with others
because I had people telling me,
"You should do this, you should get this job,"
and it just felt totally wrong
because I knew in my head, vaguely, (chuckles)
what I wanted to do or at least I knew that what they
were telling me was not what I wanted to do
and it was difficult because as a demon function,
I didn't trust myself to just say,
"No, that's not what I wanna do.
"That's not the decision that I wanna make."
And then I wasn't really able to back it up
with any other reasons of my own
because having that weak identity, that weak Ti,
meant that I was just overwhelmed by the other.
I was overwhelmed by my Fe just trying
to still take in the spectrum
of everyone else's opinions and values.
And if you let this go on too long,
it's gonna turn into this thing where you,
you feel frustrated because it's like,
I can't stand up for myself.
I can't just tell people what I want
and I can't do things that will make conflict
with other people because it's not what they want.
But to develop that to where the point where you say,
you can say to yourself, "My decisions are just as valid,
"even if no one else agrees,
"even if no one else gives me validation,"
what it really takes to begin with
is first of all, I think it comes with telling yourself
that, "I am enough to make these decisions."
Like, "I am capable,"
because sometimes we don't think we're capable
and we don't think that we are enough in our own identity
to make decisions without other people's help.
Or maybe not help but at least without knowing
what everyone else thinks of our decision first, do you see?
And it's difficult when you're very aware
of what everyone else will feel
because of a decision you make
and you know it's the right decision for you
but it's not in the short term
a great decision for everyone else,
and that's going to be very difficult for you
until you can convince yourself, or at least fake it,
that you know best for yourself and can step forward
with some kinda confidence,
even if you have to just fake it at first, that,
"Yes, this decision I made on my own
"without prioritizing other people before me,
"this decision is good and it's okay for me to do that.
"I don't need to be validated.
"I don't need everyone else to tell me yeah,
"good idea, go for it."
And there can be a lot of places in life where,
and there will be a lot of places in life,
where you just need to do that.
If you have big dreams, not everyone is gonna
get on board with that.
Most people might not get on board with that
because subconsciously a lot of people
don't want you to succeed in life more than they have
and we hope that our family and friends
are gonna be there for us and want us to just be the best
that we can be, but to be honest,
a lot of people don't want that, even if they won't say it.
They don't want you to leave them behind
and it could just be something as simple
as cleaning your room while everyone around you
is a big mess, they're gonna resist that
because in their mind, they're like,
"Oh what does, what does he think he's better than me
" 'cause he's cleaning his room?"
Something like that or maybe it's something even bigger,
like a huge thing, like you have a big dream
for a goal you wanna pursue that's kinda crazy, you know,
you have some business plan or just some plan for your life
of what you wanna do and you know it's right for yourself.
It's going to be very difficult for you
when you meet resistance when other people
don't want to lose you, they don't want you to go off
and go to bigger and better things
and it's not because they're malicious.
It's because a lot of people don't have the guts
to do it for themselves, and so you just need
to be like that kid in that video
and say, "Goodbye to the people who hated on me,
"Goodbye to the people who loved me," and (chuckles)
say goodbye in that sense of,
"I'm making this decision and moving forward
"and now you've gotta get on board whether you like it
"or not, if you wanna stick around in my life."
Which seems like, and it seems like when you're,
when you're going hardcore on that, on your identity,
it seems like you're being rough on everyone,
it seems like you're being a jerk
and you're being selfish, but it's not.
It's, I mean, well you can take it to an extreme,
but when you have really thought about it
and you think that these things that you want
are for the overall good, even then if other people
aren't on board and your savior is extroverted feeling,
your savior is prioritizing everyone else's opinions
above your own, it's going to seem way way more difficult
to be who you are and who you wanna be
than for someone who doesn't have that,
for someone who is, you know, savior Fi or Ti.
It's okay to go with what you want and your decisions,
even if it's not popular, even if you don't get validation.
If you know it's right for you,
you need to be able to develop faith in yourself
and to understand that it is a demon.
That it feels wrong and it feels wrong
not because it is wrong but just because you're oriented
in such a way where you're always looking outward.
You're looking outward first before you look inward
and so it feels unnatural to look inward first.
And look, you need people,
it's good to have other people's advice.
We're not all-knowing, we're not totally wise,
and sometimes we can be misguided
and sometimes we can be selfish
but I think when you have Ti as a demon,
more often than not you're gonna get a lot
of false positives, I guess, with that.
When you're gonna think you're always being selfish,
when you prioritize your opinions, and you're not.
It's okay.
So that's my message for today.
Develop that Ti, be okay with it.
The good news is, it's not gonna be as difficult for you
as it may seem.
It's gonna be a bit easier to develop that
and I think you can do it.
Me and this pumpkin here think you can do it.
Don't always be looking for validation
and don't always be looking for everyone's approval.
Thanks so much for watching.
Like and subscribe,
and goodbye to all the people who hated on me.
That's all I have to say, all right take care.