Hello there mates, welcome to hunting with Dunk
Today I'll be tracking down an elusive target, the Slenderman
Now I know that he really likes to hold up in the woods and we are approaching his house now
*chuckle*
Ah this man is an amateur, as you can see he left the front door wide open
Anybody could just come in here
Now
*clears throat*
You gotta- You gotta understand this is a messy man and I'm really gonna piss him off by starting
I'm gonna piss him off right away, start slamming stuff around
He doesn't keep stuff- He doesn't keep his house well kept
He's a murderer too- Oh see, look, he already killed the phone, and he killed his TV
That's not~ what..
This man is a monster
This stuff should not be like that
Umm...
Let's check back here
Oh- I'm gon~
Ohh see look at this, there's a bunch of trees all over the wall and
I don't know what that is. It's a stick man
It's getting pretty windy outside
*chuckles*
You know, I'm not gonna let the atmosphere get to- Oh she died that's nice
Okay
Umm..
Errr..
What do we do?
Oh!
*mumbled noises* (Reads note aloud)
Not important
Now, if you know anything about Slenderman like me, you know that he loves music and we are gonna draw him out with the music
and I'm gonna set a trap for him
Now I need to search the house
Ooh I can jam on this, this will get him
MMM!
Baby's gonna move with the buh-buh-buh-buh and it's really uh... he's a big Led Zeppelin fan
so this new cover by this new modern artist is really gonna irritate him
and draw him out. He's not happy with this at all.
I've got the flashlight here
We can see what's upstairs... gonna try and search around for a weapon now or a bear trap
Maybe some glue. I can glue him in this place. Is he out there yet? I think we
still got some time. Uhh. *sigh* What can I use?
*door creaks*
I could hit him with this window. Oh there's a bucket down there. I could hit
him with this bathtub maybe. I don't know how realisti- Oh, hear that? I think that's him
outside so I gotta... I really gotta spring this trap on him, he's never gonna know... he's
never gonna know what hit him you know. I- I always have the advantage when I- Oh
what the fuck? What the fuck was that? Okay *laughs* Um, let's check in this in here.
This is where he plays League of Legends. If you look closely here you see his
home world Romulan. That's the nebula spaceship. That's the great volcanic battle.
Um, I'm not ready yet, please don't kill me. What's in here? Ohhh, this could be helpful
There's a lot of realistic drawings of him, really nice graphics and really
realistic. This is what he looks like, so we'll be... It's nice to have a
refreshing image in my head so I know when to get him. Maybe I can use this
pencil as a weapon *Horrifying distant scream* That was a... That's a normal sound in this neck of the woods
It's probably just a squirrel um fell out of a tree probably. Nothing to be
worried about. Um, you know I'm... I'm cool. Let's go outside and look for him.
Hey Slenderman I'm here to get
you. Ohh the slide, Slenderman hates you when you
go down this slide man, I'm really gonna draw him out with this one. Weehah *dunkey noise*
I think maybe he's too old for this slide, he doesn't even care about that anymore.
Good thing I brought the swingset
*ding*
I used.. used to... swing...
Good!
See the thing about this swing set is somebody superglued it and soldered
it to the top, so that it can't actually swing it at all. They really didn't
understand the concept of swings. All right he's really... he's... he's really
got a cool head today and the way to really piss him off the one thing the
one thing that really gets to him, is he puts these papers all over the place
all over the woods and if you take them, he actually just fucking loses his mind
here's one now I'm just gonna- *shock* I'm just gonna snatch this up real quick and *laughs*
That's gotta piss him off. *DUNKEY SCREAM* So I would think I'm pissing him off. So I've got a trap
him now. Ahh
*more dunkey noises*
There's a map of the forest. This is somewhere- Now you can see a scale
he's about 1/4 of the whole forest so he's pretty big guy so I really am pissin- I
shouldn't be pissing him off. So I took another one of his papers anyway- Wha?! Oh god! Oh god!
No- *gasp* There's a white man! Hey can you help me fight fight him? Help me- Ahh, oh, you know
what That's the- I bet that's the Slenderman.
He doesn't look anything like the drawings though. I gotta go peepee
Let me in! I gotta go- Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'll go peepee out here buddy
ohh noo.
I'll go peepee over here by the trees don't worry about it... Is he done yet?
Oh my he's- God! I can see you outside of it! You're not even in there! You're being a
dick! Bla- I want to go to the bathroom now. I think he's done. I gotta go pee pee
Let's just... Let's just go...
Yeah, I think he's- he's done, he's done- Oh god!
Oh god okay I'm done I'm stop stop I'm sorry I stop. I'll go in the trees. Here's
his other house. Ain't gonna piss in the trees like a damn dog. I'm dunkey man take
no shit off a little white boy. I'm a grown-ass man go pee where I want. This
is not as nice as this other one. This is a very bad quality house he has here.
Uh, It's more of a rust rustic shit-heap aesthetic to it and- Oh god! No no no I didn't mean
it! No no no no! *laughing* Oh okay, I think you know I think the
secret to beating him is actually in the papers themselves. I think if I read
them, I'll learn the tips I need to defeat him. I think they can really help
me out. No no you're supposed to help me you
stupid papers. I'm so fucked. *laugh* I think if- I think- He's he's afraid of
the trees so if I go in here he's not gonna- He's not gonna get me- Oh God no no no!
*dunkey scream*
Donkey died!