*classical music*
Welcome back master, young lady.
Welcome to @home cafe
Welcome back master, young lady.
M: *gasp of excitement*
M: I'm so excited!
M: How about you, Simon?
S: Yeah...
M: We are at our very first maid cafe in Akihabara
M: and they're doing a special Gudetama event so, it's like, double exciting!
M: We have adorable maids everywhere who are going to feed us Moe Moe food
M: and then on top of that, there's like Gudetama hanging around
M: a-and we can take pictures with them
M: and this is the most exciting magical day ever and Simon is a little bit overwhelmed right now.
S: I don't think I- I appreciate this enough yet?
S: But um, Martina's really having a good time
M: YOU CAN BUY CURRIES IN THE SHAPE OF PUURPIES!!!
M: PUPPIES!!
[The menu offers both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks]
[Savoury food with custom drawings...]
[And adorable desserts!]
*explaining menu in Japanese*
S: Alcohol, thank you, I'm gonna be needing alcohol!
*explaining menu in Japanese*
M: Thank you!
S: Okay...
S: So, my first mistake is
S: I should have drank before coming here
M: I'm just so pleased right now
M: I'm pleased and I'm excited and I'm happy
M: and I don't think I can eat anything on the menu
M: It's so pretty
M: I'm gonna get like a pink puppy curry
M: And I'm just gonna stare at it
S: Okay, I'll... I'll... I'll eat anything. I just-
M: Okay
S: What's happening with my life right now? M: We're gonna pick something
M: And then we're gonna ring the bell. S: How did I end up in this situation
S: Right now? M: This is the best situation ever!
S: What life choices have I made M: We're gonna get
M: The extra large Polaroid too! S: That have geared me towards
S: This situation? Mom, Dad
M: Good Tama-chan(?) S: Where, where did we
S: How did we get here?
[Goofy Music]
[Sad Music]
M: If I stood up beside them, it would be like
M: This and then it would be like Godzilla Martin-- Heheh-- or something
M: Okay. Pass me the menu; I need to order something!
M: What do you want? S: Do they have scotch?
M: Scotch straight on the rocks. S: Just straight scotch. Just leave the bottle at the table.
S: I'm gonna get a Screwdriver. M: Okay. Simon's gonna get a Screwdriver.
S: Can I ask them to substitute the orange juice for more vodka?
M: No. Accept it.
[Funkay Music again] [Bell rings]
M: The hot mocha latte.
Maid: Hai M: Hai
M: Hitotsu (One). Maid: Hai
M: Hai. Umm...
M: The green tea latte. S: And uh Screwdriver.
Maid: Oh!
Maid: Screwdriver S: Screwdriver, yup.
S: Okayy
Maid: Oh! Okay!
S: Nice. M: Okay!
S: Mhmmm
S: Pink curry sets? Maid: Ohhhh!
M: With the magic. S: Magic! I'm ready for magic!... Okay
Maid: [Talking about hair?] M: Oh, this is amazing!
Maid: [Speaking Japanese]
M: Wolverine! S: Wolverine Maid: Ovary?
M: Wolverine S: Wolverine
S: Wolverine M: X-men! S: X-men
S: I don't think she knows Wolverine
M: Thank you [In Japanese]
M: Her hair is amazing! S: I say give it twenty minutes and they might offer Martina a job here.
M: I don't speak enough Japanese, but I'm just saying I like everyone's clothing and hair... And tiny sizes
M: Should I let them know it's your birthday today?
M: Or do you wanna keep that a secret? S: F@#k, please no.
S: I'm usually very comfortable in restaurants. This is the one place I just wanna be like
S: Okaay, you just go do your thing.
[Sad Music]
Simon's inner thoughts: What the f@#k am I doing here? Why am I filming this video?
M: Hang in there. You've got one that's gonna involve a lot of interaction
M: Don't make them feel sad when they-- S: I'm not gonna!
M: Don't you make them-- Don't you put that curse on me, Ricky Bobby!
M: You make sure that you are as happy as possible, okay? All three of you need to be--
M: Whose the third person? I don't know. I'm speaking in third person now! It's happening!
M: I'm becoming one of them. [Robot Voice] The hive mind is starting!
M: Captains log: Simon has fallen into a state of confusion
M: He doesn't know what to expect, being here
S: What am I doing with my life? M: So much clapping and happiness and laughter
M: Isn't it wonderful? S: Yeah...
S: It's great...
[Cheerful Music]
[Confused Music]
[Cheerful Lalala Music]
[Confused Alien Music]
[Back to cheerful]
M: There are all these people with these, like, adorable desserts and they're, like, very manly looking, and they're
M: Like, digging into their marshmallow rabbit sundaes.
M: And it's wonderful
M: What should I do? What should I draw on my omurice?
M: The stress is too real!
M: What should I have? S: [Basket] Balls
M: No, I can't do that. You two have a poor attitude considering that you're boys and everybody here are cute girls!
M: What is your problem? S: I'm a married man! I'm accounted for.
S: No woman has any effect on me apart from my loving wife! Okay?
S: That's a damn fine answer and you know it!
M: Okay, so here's the deal. You can choose a polaroid picture to take of people, and they ask you for your nickname.
M: And so Simon is 'Honey-Senpai'
M: And I'm 'Sailor Moon'
M: And Dan is 'Princess Panda'
M: So when we hear our names being called, we've gotta go up, and we've gotta pose with them for a photo
[Chill Music]
[Sad Music] [Dan sighs]
Dan's inner voice: H-How did this happen? How- How have I got here... In my life?
D (inner voice): What has led up to this point... Cause... This doesn't feel right
Nothing... feels... good... here
[Picture Noise] M: Woooooow! Thanks [In Japanese]
M: Awwwww yeeeahh!
S: Wow. That girl looks like she's like twelve compared to you!
M: Thanks Simon!
S: You just, like...
M: You've ruined my life! S: I'm just saying-- M: What are you doing with your hands?!
M: You just-- you just look and your hands got wider and wider!
S: I d--- heh [mumbles]--- she's so small
M: So you're saying I'm big?!
S: You-- no you-- girl, you got curves is what you got. M: You are digging a hole, mister
M: You are digging that hole! S: Hey, I like curvey-- M: Keep it up--
Maid: Okayy. Drinking. Drinking. M: Hai
Maid: Okay... Sketch
M: Hai!
Maid: ... Or bunny... or
M: Usagi! Bunny
Maid: Bunny? M: Yes!
Maid: Okay
S: Aww, that's a great bunny M: That's a really good bunny
[Funky Music again]
Maid: [Talking about doing magic in Japanese]
M: They're gonna make it pink for you. S: Oh, okay! M: Okay
[Flashback Dialogue] M: You've got one that's gonna involve a lot of interaction.
S: Okay... M: Don't make her feel sad when they-- S: I'm not gonna!
M: Okay Maid: [Magic instructions in Japanese]
Maid: [More magic in Japanese]
[Simon follows] S: Ehhhh, okay
S: Yah! yeah... M: Okay, ready? You're gonna repeat her S: Okay...
Maid and M: 3,2,1...
Simon and Maid: [Japanese]
S: OH! Maid: Woah!
S: OH! Maid: Wooaaahh S: Oh!
S: I think it-- Magic!
Maid: Tung!
S: OOhhhhhhhhhhh!
S: I--It worked!
M: You're a wizard, Harry!
S: Oh, wow!
S: Oh!
S: I f--I felt the magic!
M: Yes! S: Ohhh
Maid: Moe... moe... kyun
M: Moe... moe... kyun! Okay S: Okay M: Okay!
Everyone: Moe... moe... kyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
S: Ahh! M: Okaayy
M: You don't need salt and pepper!
M and S: Thank you [In Japanese]
M: Put so much magic in this!
M: So much magic... S: This is wonderful!
M: Ahh? See? I knew you'd come around!
S: Heeey! M: He's just excited 'cause he's hungry and the food's here
M: But you know what I'm about to do S: Heheh
M: Take-- Take photos for the next twenty-five minutes, son!
[Nutcracker Music]
M: Oooooooo S: I gotta say, Dan's got the manliest dish, even though it's a puppy
S: Still looks like manliest dish out there!
[Cute Puppy Barking Noises] M: You wanna know something amazing?
M: This will be the first omurice I've ever had in all of Japan!
S: Oh, right! M: Yep!
M: Aand it's got a bunny-- oh no--- it's got a kitty on it!
M: Fah! So excited!
S: And now for our food-snobby side to kick in
M: Hah S: Let's see
S: Mm
S: It's curry
S: Mmm
M: Pretty good omurice actually S: Yeah...
S: I can taste the magic in this M: Can you?
S: Definitely need to finish my drink
[Intense Music]
[Japanese in the background]
M: Oh yeah
S: Okay
Maid: Bunny
S: Uhhhh
S: Princess
Maid: Princess?
S: Princess!
S: I'm wearing the tiara!
S: Okay
Maid: Smile or kyukyu(?)
S: Kyukyu!
Maid: Kyukyu!
S: Kyukyuu!
Maid: Sorry... Oh! Okay, okay
S: Good?
S: Okay
Maid with camera: Moe, moe, cute!
Maid: Thank you [In Japanese]
S: Thank you!
S: Oh, yes! I forgot. Sorry!
S: Okay
S: She asked me to squat. I almost had to do a full squat.
S: To get down there
M: Oh duckie
S: I'm a big boy! Haha
S: Ohh, thank you!
M: Kawaii
S: Ahhhhhh!
S: Oh, yeah! Very cute!
S: This is wonderful! Look!
M and S: Thank you! [In Japanese]
S: Well I am having a much better time now than before!
M: See? Is the-- Is the full chugging of the Screwdriver or is it just---
S: Maybe
M: The joy that's come over him? S: I think I'm gonna get another one of those Screwdrivers
M: I think it was the magic curry. That's what I think
S: I gotta say
S: Hear me out here
S: I look a lot happier than this girl in the picture
S: I mean, whose the cutie cutie one here?
S: Her or me?
S: Definitely think it's me!
S: Yup!
M: Mhhmmm
S: Yuuup! M: Mhhmm
M: Now one of the things about coming to a maid cafe is to understand that it's not just about
M: The actual food or like sitting in a cafe. It's about the interaction with the maids.
M: So, even if you don't speak Japanese, just try your hardest to kind of like
M: You know, play along enthusiastically
M: They wanna explain the menu. There's gonna be dances
M: You're gonna have your curry turned into magic pink sauce
S: Yep
M: So, you know, go with the flow
S: So that's it for our super fun adventure here at our very first maid cafe
M: Yep!
S: Is it going to be our last? I don't think so!
M: We're not sure. What's really cool about this particular location is they have like
M: Four or five floors. It's like the whole building.
M: And they actually have like different specials that come through
M: So like the Gudetama special S: Yep!
S: Yep! M: With special Gudetama food
S: Uh-huh M: Who knows what they'll do next
M: However, we're really lucky that we can film here
M: Because the majority of maid cafes do not let you film
M: So we're sharing this with you guys through the power of moe moe--
M: You can do it with me, ready? Ready?
M+S: Moe, moe... M: I don't know the last word! S: Dooooo!
[cute, funky music]