Hello, old friend.
Ah, Ser Dwyane. Welcome to the Mediadel.
You’ll be reporting on an injury.
Looks like the horse will be out...indefinitely.
I’ve seen that mark before.
Yes. It's hand-checking, no?
Since the horse's injury,
my birds from Tor'Onto have become useless.
They're just repeating the same things
over and over.
-Jordan is the GOAT! -This generation's soft!
Well, whatever it is...
it seems to have spread.
Dwyane, we've got to get to Cream City!
Giannis, come quick! We're being attacked...
Welcome, everyone, to a very special edition
of Inside the Realm.
Dearest Maesters of the Mediadel.
I now present the audition of Ser Dwyane Wade,
for consideration of press credentials.
Today, Ser Dwyane will be reporting on the horse’s injury.
Dwyane, how will this affect House Raptors?
It’s bad…it’s very bad, um…
It’s a shame. He was their glue guy.
Now more than ever.
Wait. I’m not done.
The reason it’s bad is because
Ser Jordan and the entire Dream Team are back
and they’re going to destroy our Realm, one house at a time.
What are you doing? Just wrap it up.
Listen, no Jordan slander here, but he’s too old!
Father Time is undefeated, aye?
And let’s be real
the only return Chuck’s making is to the buffet table.
Yes, but that’s the thing.
They’re all back in their primes.
This is demonstrably preposterous!
How could that possibly be conceivable?
The Soul Box.
Oh hooey! My reporting showed
that the Soul Box was smashed in Bostonia!
Yeah, that was a top-19 moment in Bostonia basketball history
and therefore basketball history.
The Soul Box’s power is not in the box,
it’s in the shards.
That was just a normal fart.
No, the SHARDS.
The fragments of the shattered Soul Box.
They're made from the wood of
Thou Maker's original peach baskets,
Hickory Georgian Hardwood.
H-G-H!
Ah, Jordan must have gotten the shards in
the Terry Rozier trade. THAT’s why he paid so much.
Oh hooey, Brian! I call shenanigans.
Where’s your proof?
Mama, there goes that man...
horse.
How’s THIS for evidence?
-Is that Dan Majerle? -I think it's Rex Chapman.
Who is that?
That’s Wally Szczerbiak!
No, it can’t be!
Why not?
Because I’m Wally Szczerbiak!
I think that’s Tom Gugliotta.
No! I’m Tom Gugliotta.
No you’re not.
You’re Bobby Sura.
Oh, right.
It’s Christian Laettner.
Bang!
-OOOHHHHH, Christian Laettner. -That’s right. -He WAS on the Dream Team.
So you’re telling me the Dream Team is back?!
I don’t see the problem. This is the story of the century.
Yes. But it would be the last story.
Ser Jordan seeks to permanently end the debate,
to prove he is the GOAT of GOATs.
He’s coming for me.
No, Paul.
Truth. It’s the Truth.
If anyone he’s coming for LeBron.
Hey, that’s my bit!
The people of every city he conquers are turned into
mindless nostalgics with no passion for the modern game.
Tor’Onto is already gone...
-What? -Noooo!
As is Mill of Waukee...
They're the best house in the Realm!
Also, Detroit and Chicago.
-Oh, OK. -Well, that’s understandable. -I mean, Zach LaVine is pretty solid.
No he’s not.
We need to form a f--king wall!
It’s no use.
There’s not a house in this Realm that can beat the Dream Team.
You’re right. That’s why we’ve got to build one.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Mediadel,
we’re going to need your All-Realm ballots
a little early this year.
Thank you everyone for being here
at this emergency Realm ‘All Hands.’
By now, you should all be familiar with
the threat facing our Realm.
So without further ado, I will announce
the members of the Super Super House,
hereby known as the Knights of the Round Ball,
as selected by the Maesters of the Mediadel.
Are you bloody serious? The Mediadel?
-What do they know? -Of course the Blog Boys pick...
As president of the Knights Guild, I think this decision
should be made by us, the knights of the Realm!
HEAR! HEAR!
I don’t know if that’s a... wise... idea.
This is not the time of yore!
This is the era of knight empowerment.
Let us vote, or we shan’t fight your battles.
Yeah!
OK, fine, but please take this seriously.
OK, that’s another vote for Jamal Crawford.
Oh Jesus Shuttlesworth…another vote for Melo.
Another vote for Vince Carter, who’s 42. Cool.
Actually I’m 43 now.
Oh look. All three Plumlees!
...and Jamal Crawford again.
Look, if you're not going to take this seriously...
I took it seriously.
You voted for Allen Iverson. He cannot even play anymore.
How you gonna disrespect Iverson like that?
One of you even voted for Michael Jordan.
Hey, Ser Jordan was unstoppable in his prime.
Yes, we know! That’s the whole point. We have to defeat him.
Well, good luck with that.
Maybe we should let the fanlings vote.
Yeah!
OK, listen...we experimented with letting the fanlings
vote for the final roster spot...
Let's just say it was a mistake.
Well, who did they pick?
Tacko Fall.
Damnit!
It’s OK, buddy. You’re still my little GOAT.
And while we all agree we love Tacko…
we can also all agree...
we do not want Tacko defending the Realm against the Dream Team.
So you’re just gonna disrespect Tacko like that?
Wow.
OK, Tacko, do YOU want to go against the Dream Team?
Uh, not particularly.
Right. Thank you. You may sit down.
I am sitting down.
Listen, this is not just any battle.
If we lose, our fanlings will desert us,
our economy will screech to a halt, and our society—
which is solely based on interest in basketball—
will crumble around us.
Before you know it, we will be on the verge of extinction,
like the ice peoples of Hockeynia.
So, here are the official Mediadel selections
for the Knights of the Round Ball.
King James,
Ser Wardell Stephen Curry II,
Ser Anthony Davis,
Ser James Harden,
Ser Kawhi Leonard,
Ser Jayson Tatum,
Ser Rudy Gobert,
Ser Luka Doncic,
Ser Dame Lillard,
and Ser Joel Embiid.
And replacements for the injured Kevin of Durant
and the vanquished Giannis Antetokounmpo will be...
Nikola Jokic
Hey, yeah! House Nuggets! We did it!
And finally,
at point guard,
the undersized and often controversial,
but incredibly savvy…
Ser Chris Paul.
Are you kidding me?
-Ridiculous! -How dare you! -Are you bloody serious? I'm an artist!
I know, I know.
Many of you are unhappy and feeling a sense of snubbery,
but we must move on.
So, where is this big battle supposed to take place?
I say we go draw them into the mountains, the Denver Highlands.
Denver? I think we should all fight for the Purple and Gold.
What better place for such a grand super house?
I could never wear those colors. We should fight for Houston.
No house better represents the modern game,
the cutting edge of battle strategy.
No, there’s no way that I’m doing that.
We’re not going to any of those places.
The location of the battle has already been chosen.
It will take place at a house that everyone can agree on.
A place where we can minimize collateral
because the fanlings are sparse and already stuck in the past.
A house with a history of defense.
But most importantly,
a place whose market viability I am interested in testing...
Tonight, we ride…
for Seattle.