>> Chris: WELL, NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY TOYS 'R' UPSETTING.
TOYS 'R' UPSETTING.
TODAY IS BARBIE DAY, CELEBRATING THE 1959 DEBUT
OF THE ICONIC CLASSIC BEAUTY WITH THE IMPOSSIBLY HIGH
PHYSICAL STANDARD.
SINCE THEN THE ONLY THINGS THAT'S GROWN MORE THAN THE
TOY BUSINESS HAS BEEN THE BOOTLEG TOY BUSINESS.
PLAYBOY.COM TOOK ILL-ADVISED TIME AWAY FROM SHOWING
BOOBIES TO COMPILE TRULY A I MAGAZINE BLACK MARKET ACTION
FIGURES.
COMEDIANS, I WILL SHOW YOU BOOTLEG TOYS. FOR 250 POINTS
GIVE A LINE FOR THE SATURDAY MORNING COMMERCIAL FOR THESE
KNOCKOFFS.
THESE COMPLETELY AUTHENTIC NINJA TORTOISES.
THEY'RE DIFFERENT, YOUR HONOR, COME ON.
>> I THINK THE CATCHPHRASE WAS, "ZEROES IN A HALF-SHELL.
TORTOISE POWER."
>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS.
>> AND THEN THE SEQUEL TO THE MOVIE, "SECRET OF THE SPOOGE."
>> Chris: I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THE FIRST PART.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Chris: I SHOULD TAKE THEM AWAY FOR THE SECOND ONE.
>> I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
>> Chris: HERE WE GO.
I WILL TAKE THE POINTS AWAY.
>> THAT WAS SMOOTH.
>> I LIKE THIS.
>> Chris: YOU KNOW YOU WHAT GOT TO DO TO GET THOSE BACK.
>> PORCH DICK.
>> Chris: YEAH! A HUNDRED POINTS FOR MAMRIE.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT?
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU.
HERE IS YOUR 250 POINTS BACK BACK.
>> YAY!
>> Chris: MAMRIE.
>> CLEANING UP THE MEAN STREETS OF GALLAPGOS.
>> Chris: YES, PONTS.
I LOVE IT.
>> THAT WAS-- THAT WAS CLEVER.
>> Chris: NEXT ONE, THIS HALF ASS ATTEMPT AT BUSTING GHOSTS.
WHAT IS THAT?
(LAUGHTER)
>> WHAT?
>> Chris: I AM NOT FRIGHTENED BY A SPOOK.
YASSIR.
>> A SPOOK-CHASERS, ONLY SOLD IN THE SOUTH.
>> Chris: OH, [BLEEP]. OH, MAN.
(APPLAUSE)
>> SPOOK CHASERS!
WHO WILL YOU TELEPHONE?
SPOOK CHASERS!
>> WHO ARE YOU GO STOCK PAGE?
>> Chris: IF THERE IS A THING THAT IS STRANGE, IF YOUR HOUSE
IS NEAR YOU.
WHO WILL YOU TELEPHONE, SPOOK CHASERS!
(APPLAUSE)
JONAH RAY.
>> OH, IS IT TIME FOR ME?
>> Chris: YEAH.
>> SPOOK CHASER, WE WENT WITH THE FIRST NAME WE COULD
THINK OF THAT WAS PROBABLY A REAL BAD IDEA.
>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS.
>> IT WASN'T FUNNY 50 [BLEEP] MINUTES AGO.
(APPLAUSE)
I HAVE TO DO MY JOKE AFTER THE APPLAUSE BREAK OF YOUR PARODY
SONG.
>> I'M SORRY, I'M TOO FUNNY FOR YOU TO FOLLOW, JONAH.
(APPLAUSE)
>> IF I HAD ANOTHER 20 YEARS ON THIS EARTH, I WOULD BE AS FUNNY
AS YOU?
>> Chris: OH, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
HOW DARE YOU!
HOW [BLEEP]ING DARE YOU!
NEXT ONE, THIS BLOATED SHREK.
WHAT IS THIS.
WHAT IS THAT?
SHREK 2?
SHREK SMASH.
MAMES.
>> MAY CAUSE EXCESSIVE BULLYING.
>> Chris: POINTS.
JONAH.
>> YOU CAN FIT UP TO FIVE LUNCHABLES, YOU FAT POOR
KID.
(LAUGHTER)
>> Chris: POINTS FOR JONAH.
JONAH.
>> WHAT?
>> Chris: WERE YOU THAT LITTLE FAT POOR KID?
>> I WAS THAT LITTLE FAT POOR KID!
>> Chris: YELLING AT YOURSELF.
FINALLY THIS MAY NOT BE A KNOCKOFF BUT IT IS CERTAIN
TO COMPLETELY MIND-[BLEEP] YOUR CHILD --
DOGS!
>> OH MY GOSH.
>> Chris: RUFF, RUFF.
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY EGGS, RUFF, RUFF.
YASSIR.
>> STEVIE WONDER PRESENTS: DOGS.
(LAUGHTER)
>> Chris: POINTS.
AMAZING.