Relationship: A Beautiful Testing Ground
14 August 2014 Monte Sahaja - Portugal
You will learn that when you are with someone
you can feel a pressure in yourself to be a certain way,
or to be something.
That is not true. It is not a good thing.
It means that whoever you are relating to,
they are not able to stand on their own, in their own strength.
That is why there is this transferring of this kind of expectation,
that you have a responsibility to do something.
This is a challenge many people feel and face for a while.
And I just want to know if inside yourself,
there is that conviction that you cannot go back
to the old regime of thinking and psychological identity.
Then you must be totally standing inside that truth,
because there is going to be a battle for a little bit.
And it is a battle, not of persons ...
That is where your spiritual battle begins.
In a way, the battle is also with yourself,
of how much you are willing to compromise to fit into the shape
of what you perceive as your life;
how much you have to fit into that.
And it's not really as bad as you think.
It's not being rigid; you mustn't be rigid.
Just be empty or neutral, rather than be firm.
You don't have to be firm; you just have to be the Self.
You don't have to be, 'I put my foot down'.
You just have to be the Self and let it navigate its way through.
There is more richness in that; there is more space in it.
There is a lot more love in it than your partner might perceive.
They might be thinking, 'Who are you these days?'
I mean, 'What's becoming of you?
You used to be someone I could talk to ...'
It is like all the strings are really being pulled.
And you have to rest in that clarity that you know and trust in that,
rather than do any kind of verbal thing too much.
And don't just look, staring at them like that.
Don't do that; it is very annoying.
[laughter]
Don't just shut off and go into cold turkey or something.
Just really be present.
Know that it is not really up to 'you' now.
You just have to be empty.
You will find that something happens in that emptiness
that helps you to find some space,
because the way with the Self is that it is never on anybody's side.
If you are empty and have love for your family,
you have a natural desire to see things work,
but you cannot make them work by effort, technique, lies or compromises;
they just won't work.
Then it can feel uncomfortable.
But that is your satsang. It is beautiful.
You just have to be present and listen,
and sometimes take the pie in the face, and just be present.
Then you will find the openings that come from existence,
not from the past.
You will see them!
Like some people are good at searching for gems.
They will go in with a team of new people who won't see the gems,
and say, 'There is one, look'. 'Oh my God, look at that!'
They will pick them out because they are empty enough to see.
Most people can't see like that; they see only their conditioning,
and the paths that their projections create.
But they won't see.
Sometimes it is just fine to say, 'You have a point on that one.
I really don't know how to answer that,
but I know that, somehow, it is going to be OK.'
Words come out of your mouth like this. Just trust it.
It is a powerful thing
because what will happen with a challenging situation,
is that it gives you an opportunity to deepen inside your being.
Someone who is becoming awake, doesn't know the answers.
They don't need to know answers for things. You are just empty!
Just like water doesn't know where it is going.
If water is flowing down some valley,
it doesn't know where it is going ahead of time; it just goes.
When it reaches its place, it's just level.
Nobody has to level it out; it just levels.
Your life becomes a bit more like this.
Somehow, it just flows.
It doesn't predict, it just flows; you are just so present.
It's like nobody is present. Everyone is into the past or the future.
There is something about this present moment
that the mind tries to avoid.
For one reason, there is no history in the moment!
There is just nothing in the moment; it is just fresh.
There are no problems in the moment.
All problems are of another place or another time; they are not now!
Your life has no problems!
You create them because you have an intention
and life is not supplying or fulfilling your projections.
So it is good to be quiet and to trust,
because you have said 'Yes' to the Self,
it's taking care of things, although it may seem like it's not.
Your mind is saying, 'You are supposed to be coming in now. Come on Self!
You're supposed to defend me because I am lost now!'
You just have to be quiet, and take it on the chin for a bit.
It is such a beautiful learning experience.
You can say learning, or an opportunity to recognise or go more deeply.
There is a changing over of power, as I often say,
from the manual life, manual thinking,
from person to presence, from manual to automatic.
In this transition, sometimes you'll feel lost.
You don't know what you are doing.
There is a strength in that, to just accept feeling lost for a minute.
When you are really lost, you become open.
Initially, you can run about to try and find solutions,
but you learn that it is OK to just be quiet.
And just be present, rather than quiet and waiting.
You cannot be quiet and waiting. If you're waiting, you'll be agitated.
So learn just to find the moment which is empty of solutions,
and just be in this.
So all these things are coming, but not as a technique.
In your listening, you are developing more sensitivity
with your own inner voice.
Your own inner voice is very universal.
Your personal voice is not.
Your inner voice finds solutions for everything.
What I said before is,
If you do what is right by your own heart,
it cannot turn out to be wrong for somebody else.
I feel that it is a very powerful thing to relax about.
You are never defending you.
You are not even defending them.
You are just resting in the Truth, and letting it take care of things.
As you are recognising more and more,
such a sweetness is coming in that you cannot imagine!
Even though you may be surrounded by snipers, (it can seem like this),
there is a joy that is completely unfading!
And you can't explain why.
Relationships are a beautiful testing ground.
[Questioner] I remember you said before that bad relationships are good.
[M.] Yes, because they press the buttons. [Q.] They do press the buttons.
[Mooji] You have to find your way
rather than just react your way through things.
There is a difference between finding your way, in this way ...
Don't try to hold yourself down. Don't navigate yourself.
Just be empty and open.
This is where your trust will evolve, actually.
Sometimes you don't trust and that's when you go for a technique.
You go for what your dad told you, or whatever it is.
When you trust, you are just present,
and you are not shutting off.
Some people just shut off, 'Ah ah ah ...'
Don't do that.
Something is there because love is present.
But you don't have a saved up technique.
It is like the windscreen wiper story. As soon as it catches, 'Whoa',
you can focus on the road rather than the windscreen wiper.
The joy is so powerful!
It is like one little victory is worth a hundred battles.
Lots of stuff falls because you feel released into a space,
'My God! I don't just believe this anymore,
I experience that it works like this!'
When you're with someone
and you can feel a pressure in yourself to be a certain way
or to be something
That is not true, that is not good
You just have to be the Self
and let it navigate its way.
Because there's more richness in that,
there's more space in it, there's much more love in it
If you do what is right by your own heart,
it cannot turn out to be wrong for somebody else