Hey Everyone, welcome to ALchemy.
I’m Alyson, your ally in transformation.
I once wrote a song about things my ex did that bugged me, and then halfway through I
realized I was describing myself.
I called it Butterfly and it was about my tendency to never quite settle in and the
second someone wants to get serious, fly away.
I learned over time it’s not my commitment issues (okay, not only my commitment issues).
Many of the rules and expectations in conventional relationships are simply not feasible for
me, and those popular checklists of what to look for in an ideal partner have been nearly
useless when lining them up to real everyday scenarios that two people navigate.
Like, your charming smile and cute dimple don’t pay rent, and our chemistry is cataclysmic
but so is your ego.
What to do?
For me, things like a sense of humor, well-paying job, and attractive appearance are cool, but
they’re ornamental, a fortunate result of a potentially amicable, decently focused,
genetically and environmentally blessed human.
Cool!
But these traits or their absence don’t really make or break my relationships.
I’m not picky, but I am very selective.
I mean, I’m 100% full and complete, competent and connected without a partner, so... anyone
sharing space is gonna have to be pretty dope.
Now I shouldn’t have to explain that everyone has different preferences and desires, but
I just did, so mold this advice to fit you.
Every connection, whether romantic or platonic or professional (or all of the above, you
daring Donna) will have its own style, symphony, and shelf life.
For today, I’m referring specifically to long-term bae.
That life partnership level.
The folks to whom you consider saying words like “Forever” and “I Do.”
(Still working those out over here.)
So here are the special qualities that have led to my favorite, the best, longest, healthiest,
most supportive and productive relationships.
Their state of Inner Peace.
Since the world and life are chaotic, I look for people who possess a peace and calm that
surpass what’s happening around them.
I‘ve met plenty of people who are kind, loving and generous, yet lack true peace.
But fewer people I’ve encountered who have peace and not also kindness, love and generosity.
Peaceful people tend to be nonviolent in word and deed, content, flexible and not too attached
to any plan, so unexpected things aren’t disruptions, just the spontaneous flow of
life.
They tend to appreciate all things.
The living environment is tranquil.
And just think, when you have to deal with the heavy stuff, having a partner who is at
peace in the face of conflict is unparalleled.
2.
How they treat THEM.
I‘m like a watchdog observing how a person speaks about anyone who is different from
them demographically.
If they use words like “us” and “them”, “these” people, suggest any hint of separateness,
any dose of superiority or righteousness, I know we won’t match.
Fundamentally, I highly value someone’s conscious ability to see past the person to
the soul, past their choices, past their racial profile, body type, religion, past what I
consider the “small self” to the core of who we are as one species, the same life
force in infinite expressions.
It doesn’t, however, deny their lived experience as this particular identity.
But, if you see someone make a mistake or commit a horrible act and say “I would never
do that”, I’m not sure you’ve honestly explored the depths of what’s possible.
And if you try to build solidarity with me by putting others down, I’ll know not to
ever confide in you.
3.
THEIR LOCUS OF CONTROL.
I don’t have time for intimacy with someone who hasn’t taken responsibility for their
decisions and current situation.
We can acknowledge what’s out of our control, we can mourn what isn’t fair or ideal.
But, we both have to be accountable for ourselves.
You could say this is a specific facet of maturity.
And its function tends to soften or altogether eliminate arguments because each person is
first looking within to see how they contributed to the problem while voicing their desire
to be a part of the solution.
Folks who remain victims, blaming others or themselves, are creating a wall between communication,
and at the end of the day, I have really big goals and I need someone who can get out of
their own way and find answers.
4.
LOVE THE SIMPLE LIFE.
As I’ve dated around, I’ve found that people who know how to find joy and contentment
in the minimal, ordinary, simple situations are the ones who will be generous with their
success, who will handle any future luxury with grace, who won’t be consumed with keeping
up with the Joneses, and who you can get stuck in ANY sticky situation with and somehow end
up laughing and living to tell the tale.
Obviously I have like 12 more qualities I could list, so let me know if you want a part
2 below.
And for now, your ChALlenge is to tell me which of these four qualities could be a good
adjustment to your future partnerships, friends included.
You deserve the best so be your best and attract the best.
FinALe And for your finALe, here’s a 5-minute contemplation
I’ve been pondering.
Share your thoughts on this idea:
If you are ever changing, and so is your partner, you can be in love with seven people over
a lifetime and yet all of them are merely different evolutions of one soul.
So, what if your partnerships loved the core?
Have you experienced that kind of commitment where the outer shell can take a variety of
forms, but your love remains?
As always, give it a little love and like, subscribe and share this video with anyone
who can be inspired.
I’ll see you lovers next week for more ALchemy.
Peace!
PART 2: -timelessness, see beyond their story, because
I’m going to be 7 different people over a lifetime.
So I’m not looking for take responsibility for their past, process and move forward.
More than just maturity.
And it’s okay to have goals and identify with places and styles.
Express yourself.
And also, know that this is still only a glimpse at your true self, a self underneath our personality,
that universal life force.
I’m looking for consciousness and nonattachment -the absence of desire
-nonattachment -no drama