Do you feel like every conversation you have is so boring? Do you find yourself drifting
off in between the conversations or do you struggle to focus on the person you're speaking
to? It doesn't mean that you're boring but it could mean that you are using some common
conversation killers. Like we have conversation fillers, those phrases that help us keep a
conversation going, the same way we have conversation killers which is quite obviously those phrases
that kill a conversation. These are phrases that can bring any conversation to a dead
end. So while you might not realize it you could be the one making your conversations
dull and drab that's because you're using some of these conversation killers. Luckily
that's easy to fix. So if you want to know how to fix your boring conversations and avoid
conversation killers, you need to keep watching to find out more about what kills a conversation
and how you can put some life back into your communication. This is Michelle and you are
watching me on Skillopedia the real place to learn real communication, let's go.
Killer phrase number one oh! really? So a friend shares some exciting news that they've
been dying to tell you and how do you respond? If it's with oh! really? then chances are
that the conversation won't go much further. Your friend will respond with something like,
yeah really or I know I couldn't believe it either. The problem is when you say oh really,
it signifies disinterest you're pointing to your unbelief, like you couldn't believe that
something so good could happen to your friend and that kills their interest. So basically
you're not leaving any opportunity for them to give you more detail and you haven't really
shown much interest by saying oh really. So now you know that this is one conversation
killer that you have to avoid but what now? is that all? Well I'm not leaving you here
I've got more to tell you it's easy to say oh really when you're not sure about what
to say or how to respond to someone's news but it's not hard to break the habit with
a little extra effort. So that's not where I leave you still, I will also tell you what
you should say instead of oh really? Okay so let's say that your friend has just told
you about a scholarship that they have been awarded, so instead of bringing the conversation
to a dead end with oh really? you could say something better. Try to say instead, you
could ask some open-ended questions like, how did you feel when you found out or Wow!
how did your parents react to this? Okay, you've got more options. If you don't like
this option, you could ask about specific details like what did you have to do for applying.
how much of the fee is being waived off? You could also talk about a similar experience
that you had and compare it with their experience and this shows that you're interested in the
conversation and you want to take it further. Like you could say I know, when I applied
for a scholarship it took a lot of work but I am glad how you got this, you deserve it
girl or you deserve it boy. So avoid the conversation killer oh! Really? and replace it with the
options that I've given you.
Killer phrase number two, awesome, cool or great. Well getting a positive reply is always
encouraging and it's good to give a positive feedback to the person you're speaking to
but one-word replies like awesome and cool don't really add spice to the conversation
but they rather make it quite dull and drab. So if you really want to encourage someone
and if you really like what they have to say, why not make it a bit more interesting by
adding a bit more effort to express that or if you're just saying cool because you're
not sure what else to say why not ask some questions instead? So because being positive
is great but it's important not to reply to everything in a single word, yes that turns
people off. A single word reply signifies that you're not interested to keep the conversation
going. That just doesn't take the conversation anywhere. So let's see what you could say
instead of cool, great or awesome. If someone tells you that they have become a vegetarian,
specify why you think what they have said is cool, great or awesome. Okay by saying
something like I love that you've decided to go vegetarian because I've always been
passionate about animal rights though you might be a non-vegetarian yourself. Okay or
if someone tells you that they just saw a new movie, so what do you say? Great? No,
you ask for more information, saying something like cool, I've never heard of that film can
you tell me more about it? Yes, so this is how you would keep the conversation going
using one of these phrases to ask open-ended and detailed questions.
Killer phrase number three, hmm... yeah, I know, but listen. Ah! listen to this, how
does it sound? Yeah I know but listen what happened with me on my last vacation? It was
even more thrilling than your experience. Are you one of those people who just can't
help but interrupt during conversations? mm-hmm so you're sure you know exactly what the other
person is about to say. So why not finish their sentence for them or butt in with your
reply by saying, yeah I know that. Okay I'm being a bit too honest here but interrupting
the person that you're speaking to can be extremely off-putting for them. It's a big
turn-off for me, at least for me. When the person I'm talking to wouldn't let me complete
what I have to say or simply starts telling about their experience even before I have
finished, this doesn't even make me want to carry on the conversation and I'm sure this
is the same experience with anybody who's talking to you. So the key here is, listening
is so important to keep the conversation going. When you're talking to someone don't become
so preoccupied with what you're going to say that you ignore what the other person is saying.
Yeah so you must listen to what the other person is saying at that moment. Let's see
what we can do about this, if you have a hard time to stop interrupting others you could
try practicing active listening. Now what is active listening? Well active listening
has five interesting stages. The first stage is receiving which means when you receive
or hear what the person is saying and you focus on what they are saying. This is simple,
isn't it? You're just receiving okay. Second step is understanding. So as soon as you receive,
instead of just quickly telling them what you experienced, you try to understand. You
listen to them and you give a more informed reply by thinking about it and don’t be
afraid to ask questions. So if you're not sure about what they're saying or you don’t
understand it's a great way to show that you're interested if you ask questions. The third
is evaluating, now evaluating means that you form your opinion. So let's say they talked
about a particular news event that's happening, what's your opinion about it? Now that you
have your opinion, you respond to them. Okay but make sure when you respond the other person
has stopped speaking, do not interrupt okay and try and use good body language like nodding
and making eye contact and finally the most important thing is to remember. So when you're
having a conversation and in the middle of the conversation, you remember what that person
said in the starting of the conversation and you quote their words, whoa! that is a great
way to keep the conversation going. Quote the other person, show them that you're listening
to them carefully and you remember what they had just said about five minutes back or ten
minutes back. So our ultimate aim is that a conversation should never end in boredom
for either of the people involved. So you should follow these tips to keep your conversations
interesting, engaging, enjoyable for you and the person that you're speaking to.
So these are the tips for a great way to communicate with somebody and if you think that your conversations
have been boring then now you know that you might have been using some of these killer
phrases. Now we have to kill the killer phrases and start using these amazing alternatives
that I've shared with you which you can use to talk about a particular topic in a conversation.
So make sure you try these alternatives and use them when you're talking to somebody next
time and do let me know if they help. Write to me in the comments and of course please
subscribe to our channel and come back for more videos with me Michelle on Skillopedia
the place to learn skills for the real world.