INFJs are intuitive introverts who tend to find the most comfort in their internal worlds.
They are often highly intelligent.
They think very deeply about life and their relationships.
Many INFJs also tend to grow to be discerning people who often struggle with the concept
of trust in their lives.
Trust is the reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
It is essential to the development of healthy, secure, and satisfying interpersonal relationships.
The feeling of trust for some INFJs can be like climbing Mount Everest, not insurmountable
but incredibly, incredibly difficult.
There are many reasons for this.
So let’s explore 6 reasons INFJs struggle so much with trust.
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INFJs can see beyond the surface
INFJs have Introverted Intuition (Ni) and Extroverted Sensing as core cognitive functions.
This gives them a unique ability to get a sense or impression of people that can penetrate
appearances.
They are able to analyze facial expressions, notice the slightest shift in a person’s
voice, and intuitively feel a difference in someone's demeanor.
This allows them to make accurate observations of people, that might seem uncanny to others.
And sometimes, they can even intuitively pick up on people’s intentions, before they may
even truly know it themselves.
They do all this unconsciously, so an INFJ might not even realize their brains are making
these calculations, they will just become aware of this feeling that something is not
quite right about someone, and it’s this that can cause them to distrust...
well at least until they can figure out a logical explanation for these feelings.
However, with time, they are usually proven correct in their misgivings.
INFJs are self preservationist
INFJs are natural nurtures and protectors when it comes to the things they care about.
It is automatic, reflexive, and sometimes an unconscious way of being.
Eventually, though this does take an emotional toll.
This constant nature of meeting others’ needs will at some point hit like a ton of
bricks.
It can be building on the inside for some time but be completely hidden from everyone
else, and so the switch to withdrawal can look incredibly random and abrupt to those
that don’t know them.
INFJs are either living outwardly, disconnected from themselves and plugged into others, or
they are dwelling within, cocooned away trying to make sense of their own thoughts and experiences.
This ping pong existence can make it painfully difficult to not only connect with others
but to keep balance in their relationships.
INFJs know they have finite energy for people and they want those exhausting interactions
to be worthwhile.
They are therefore self-preserving in this way.
Self-preservation is usually used to derive the pursuit of physical survival, but for
INFJs it manifests as a retrieval of oneself, as a means of emotional, intellectual, and
spiritual stability.
This is one of the reasons INFJs are often so selective about who they allow into their
inner circle.
They need to be able to trust those they let close to understand and honor this need.
INFJs awareness of humanity can make them cynical
INFJs because of their Extroverted Sensing (Se) function, tend to be deeply feeling human
beings.
They can see and sense not only the light but also the darkness around them in often
cosmic and spiritual ways.
As a result, they can be more acutely aware of the fact the world is not always a beautiful
place.
However, INFJs are also idealists and big picture thinkers.
Many often counteract this disconcerting awareness with a utopian view of how the world should
or could be, and many can derive a purpose out of wanting to make a difference towards
that better, towards the light.
The search for light in darkness is actually an overarching analogy for the INFJ experience
and part of the paradox of being one.
On one hand, they have an optimistic vision for the world and its future, and on the other,
a deep cynicism when they reckon with the reality of humanity and its history.
However, this subconscious choice to focus on one over the other is usually dependent
on an INFJs individual experiences, traumatic encounters, and personal beliefs.
‘Man is born in sin’
Some INFJs just cannot believe people are truly and inherently good.
They have a tendency to assume the worst.
It's the reality of life for these INFJs, from their perspective and it’s what causes
them to air on the side of caution when it comes to letting their guard down and allowing
themselves to fully trust another.
INFJs have a fear of being vulnerable
INFJs are often nicknamed the counselor because of the way they are able to listen to people's
fears, emotions, and problems with such calm, patience, and understanding.
However, this is rarely reflective of how they share their own thoughts and emotions.
Part of this reason is because of their tertiary cognitive function; Introverted Thinking (Ti).
They are wired to be introspective.
They need to first deconstruct and extrapolate meaning from their feelings before they are
able to cogently express them.
This is a common reason why INFJs shut down when asked to share this part of their internal
world, as they are still processing.
However, once they do understand and have the words to explain their own feelings, the
reason they do not share is usually due to their fear of vulnerability.
INFJs can have a hard time feeling emotionally safe enough to share the depths of their thoughts
with even their closest friends and family.
They’re afraid to put forth their most genuine selves in front of people out of fear of having
their ideas dismissed, and not being valued and accepted for who they are as a person.
This inability to trust people's care to hold space for them is ironic when you consider
how they honor and receive others with what they share.
But alas it's yet another example of the INFJ paradox.
INFJs have experienced broken trust
INFJs are often described as private and guarded, however, most actually start off life with
a faith in humanity that is almost unrealistic.
INFJs are born to be sensitive and tender-hearted at their core.
It is in experiencing the bleakness of people, that causes INFJs to build up walls.
This is why they often appear distant and cold to most.
It’s not an innate nature, it is a protective shield.
A majority of INFJ's trust issues can therefore be traced back to experiences of having it
broken.
It’s not often INFJs let their guard down enough to trust someone.
When it is betrayed, it feels like an insult to their soul.
It doesn't just make them feel vulnerable.
It strikes at the very heart of their value system.
INFJs hurt in this way have a habit of beating themselves up for not predicting the poor
behavior in the first place.
This creates weariness and as they believe, the definition of stupidity is doing the same
things over and over and expecting different results.
Breaking an INFJs trust will cause them to build even greater walls.
The trauma caused from experiencing this can sometimes mean, they will never let anyone
else in again.
INFJs struggle to stay in the moment
As future-focused abstract thinkers, INFJs are always on a continual hunt to find meaning
in things.
The present for them is just as real as what's between and beyond.
INFJs can therefore be incredibly creative people, however, being this way does also
have its drawbacks.
The natural consequence of a mind that is always searching is having an endless number
of ‘what ifs’ to contend with.
"What if I let my guard down and he hurts me again?"
“What if I uproot my life and she breaks her promise”?
These “what ifs” can be roadblocks in reaching a sense of peace in one's mind.
INFJs can conceptualize the future but they can’t control it.
Nevertheless, they are always trying to plan for some theoretical imagined catastrophe,
so this is another common reason for their trust issues.
Trust is ultimately a feeling that must be felt in the moment.
Whether you trust someone for the first time or the 10th time, it is a decision that can
only be made in the present, based on current realities.
An INFJs inability to live the moment can therefore hinder their ability to trust.
It prevents them from enjoying the process of building a genuine relationship because
they can often become distracted by the fear of a future hypothetical betrayal.
Overall INFJs are by nature trusting and warm-hearted.
Their instincts are usually to look on the bright side and always see the best in people.
However, over time, the weathering of life tends to diminish this innocence.
INFJs often learn very young to build up walls to protect themselves.
As a result, trust is not something they allow themselves to give to just anyone.
For most INFJs building the foundations for trust requires excruciating vulnerability
and a surrender to the unknown.
It can be incredibly hard, but INFJs need to remember, it is also incredibly necessary.
Trust is probably the most vital component to building genuine healthy long-term relationships.