Hello everybody it is me Chaseypoo, today I'm gonna talk to you about something that
I, I’ve talked about sexuality and stuff in the past before but this is something that
is kind of still hard for me to process and I've been dealing with for the last ten years
so today I'm actually going to be talking to you about how I still identify as queer
even though I look straight if I'm with a woman and how that bothers me [laughs]. So
preface, there is nothing wrong with being straight and there's nothing wrong with being
cis, alright? I just need everyone to understand that because I feel like the way that I talk
about this makes it sound like being straight is the worst thing in the world, it's not.
Hold on, hold on, let me let me let me let me just go on and keep explain myself here.
so I came out as a lesbian before I transition when I was thirteen years old and I then realize
I was trans when I was 15, and I didn't come out until I was seventeen/ eighteen and then
I started hormones at nineteen but at that point I still identified as a lesbian because
I had only known that identity as myself and I was very close lesbian community and I watch
all of the L. word and I love Melissa Etheridge and I just felt like that was the identity
that I was so close to for so many years I don't let them go so when I started to transition
and I was now seen as a man.... straight world because I was dating women I I had a problem
with that because I don't like to be seen as straight because I had never been seen
as that and I'm always that kid that's always been kinda weird not that I'm saying that
I'm queer because I like to be weird and like I like to stand out but I am going to be one
hundred percent transparent LOL trans, with you and tell you that being weird in being
different for me has always been something that I am and I've embraced that over the
years and it's something that I love about myself so fitting in and like blending into
society was very weird for me and that made me feel weird. Do you know what I'm saying?
like for me being different was my normal. And now being part and everybody like blending
into society was my weird that I just couldn't handle and I don't really know what to do
so I said that I was still going to date lesbians and I did that and you know you can't, you
can do that if you want but if you look like a guy and you identify as a trans guy at the
time and you're like "Hey I want to date a lesbian who is a woman who likes women."
[Sigh]
Theres A little bit of a, theres a little bit of an issue there. I've made videos about
this, about how I can understand how some lesbians would like to date trans men and
how sexuality is more fluid than words that were using labels that we have on ourselves,
uhhhm, but I also understand that it could also be very problematic because maybe the
person still sees the trans person as a "female" or I'd like still like "oh well you're still
like you still so sensitive you're still kind of like a girl to me" or like you like those
parts you like th-.... I don't know, I'm not here to talk about lesbians who date trans
guys right now. I'm here to talk about how I felt as a person who kind of did not blend
into society to then automatically blends into society and not liking it. so I primarily
dated women alright, which means I looked straight in society and I kind of got used
to that concept only because of how I started to see myself now when I met Zuzia, they identified
as queer, and I thought that that was so cool that they could use queer as like like at
like at like at identity I get like I knew that word but I guess I had never really used
it for myself. so I started to not like "try on that label" but it it rang so strong with
me that I was like queer, so I started to see myself everything about my being, my sexuality,
sexual orientation, my gender identity, my gender expression, everything to me became
queer, and I became to love that and I think that that's what got me through the whole
like "Oh, I look normal I don't want to look normal in society because that's weird for
me" I think that it was just the way that I was perceiving myself so when I was dating
Zuzia, who wore very like feminine clothing so we look like a very straight couple that
was not queer at all I feel like because of how I saw myself inside it didn't matter what
other people thought and that's something that I'm still dealing with today so I dated
men and women in the past and I still kind of feel like I've always had that experience
and I've noticed that it's not because of how other people see me, it's how I perceive
myself. so currently I am dating a cis woman and I had this issue for like the last year.
Where I felt like I looked too straight and I didn't like to blend in. Not that I'm saying
this person looks like really straight, but I'm just saying that like, also what does
that even mean? but,
I felt like because us walking down the street like I feel like I look very queer and look
very gay it's like "why are you holding his hand of the Straight woman?" like it just
didn't look like like it fit but, that's the thing that I love the most I was put on this
planet okay to confuse society and I love that so I love being able to kind of embrace
that and even though I look straight and people will assume that I'm straight if they don't
know me because trust me if you know me you know I'm not straight. They'll assume that
I'm straight because I'm holding the hand and kissing this girl in public but "this
just this girl" uhmm [laughs jokingly]
But because of how I see myself, my identity, and because I've been so open in communication
about how I feel with her and my experiences with my gender identity, especially because
I don't identify as a binary trans guy, like I'n very squiggly like it's like whatever
and it's the same thing with my sexuality like I'm not straight I'm not gay I'm not
pansexual I'm queer and whatever man and I love that word queer because it means something
different to everybody and you can interpret it as you wish. so when I'm talking to somebody
like I have a girlfriend they look at me and like "Aren't you gay" and I'm like "no no,
I'm queer"
Their face is so confused because they don't know what that means and I'm like yeah I'm
queer, I'm dating a woman, you want to see a picture of us, if we we look really really
cute and I'm queer.
And that kind of fucks with people.
And I like that and I like that because it is only through my own self discovery and
my self appreciation of myself that I really realized that it doesn't matter what other
people think about my identity and how they will label my identity because no matter what
will happen in this entire world that will always happen. and just because they're labeling
me as straight and I don't like that, doesn't mean that it's the end of the world because
even if I looked gay-as-hell and I was dating a guy and we look gay-as-hell. People would
be judging me anyways, they would be judging my label if they knew that I was trans, they'd
be like "why did you even transition if you just want to be with men" you know saying?
like, you'll never stop other people from thinking thinks so there's no point in doing
them you do you. You do you. And I will say that I had a lot of internal struggle like
"do I want to be dating a woman because I don't want to look straight I I am queer and
I want people to see my queerness" but the thing with me is that I'm like I'm like loud
about who I am and I am very out and I don't like I don't stealth myself [laughs] like
I'm not stealth so if I I I accept that I'm with the person who is female and I, you know
can still openly talk about my sexuality my identity is being queer like I can joke about
being gay all the time because that's who I am and that's what I like to do then I feel
like it puts a great balance in my life and guess what that's what's happening right now
and it makes me feel so at peace with my identity and how other people will see me because I
I don't care how you see me anymore because I care about the relationship that I'm in
and having open communication about how we feel. For me being queer is such a part of
my identity and part of my being, and it's part of who I am and I love it and I embrace
and I I tap into it, and I do all these things and it's in the name of me being queer and
I love that shit and that's who I am and I know some people don't like that word in this
cool you don't have to use that word but for me it's like my whole being is queer and I
love that so having somebody who accepts that and embraces that as well and loves that about
me.
Is is.
It's just what I need, I guess, and what I have found and what makes me feel great because
I literally don't..... care about looking straight anymore which is weird because like
I used to hold her hand in in in public and be like "oh my god, people are gonna think
straight....I hate this I hate this" because it erases my queer history and my queerness
and the queer identity that I have and all of these like things in these hardships that
I've had in my life I feel like it erases that but, now that I've kind of grown to accept
that, I don't look straight to myself so it doesn't really matter that my queer identity
is not erased because I still see it and the people who are around me who know me and who
Love Me, who are friends and watch my videos you know that I'm queer and that's all that
I care about. I don't care about people who don't care about me. You know what I'm saying?
like I just care about you I care about me that's all we should care about each other
people who care.
I don't know what I'm talking about, ah, let me know what you think in the comments below
this video was kind of all over the place. I'm moving right now so I'm like a little
wooolala but I'll see you later. Have a great week bye.