I was literally staying up at night tossing and turning, trying to get my mind off of
her or, or, or really her and him together. I was losing sleep over this.
I was driving myself crazy over this. I just couldn't stop
thinking about it and comparing myself to him, wondering what was wrong with me.
Hey, there it's clay with modern love.life. And as you know it from my couple recent videos, I found
a, uh, an old journal that I kept during the time that my big ex and I had our first breakup and I
went through it and I sort of relived some of the experiences and I shared some of them with
you as well, too. The big thing that I wanted to talk about, at least in this video is this whole
experience of finding out that your ex is dating someone else. Now, when my ex actually sat
down and delivered the breakup to me, she told me that she was developing feelings for someone else
at her school at the time. So I knew like right off the bat that they,
that there was someone else in the picture. I just didn't know exactly how far it had gone.
I found out later that they were actually going out on dates. They were flirting. They were
all that sort of stuff saying that they like had feelings for each other and all that stuff.
I didn't know that it had gone that far, but, uh, immediately I started to feel insecure. I started
to compare myself to him. I started to, you know, ask questions like, Hey, are you seeing him? When
I knew that, that she was seeing him, I would start to really panic that night thinking like,
what's going on? What are they doing? Are they getting closer? All that sort of stuff. I was
literally driving myself crazy over, analyzing everything, trying to read so much into everything
and all of that. This is not what I'd recommend that you do, because you can easily work yourself
up emotionally to do the wrong thing. You can easily work yourself up to this place of panic,
of scarcity, of insecurity, of fear, of all of this stuff and do the wrong thing.
Whether that's write some sort of emotional letter, whether that's texting your ex like
a million times, whether that's, um, you know, confessing your love, whether that's begging,
whether that's, um, you know, threatening to hurt yourself, whether that's, you know, anything else
in between, these are things that are not going to help you in the long run. They might feel like the
right thing to do from this panicked, insecure, desperate, emotional place that you might find
yourself in, but that's not what you should be doing. The sooner you can get yourself past
this place of comparing yourself to your ex, the better off you're going to be. Now. Fortunately,
for me, in my situation, circumstances just kind of caused my ex and her rebound person
to just sort of stop talking to each other once the school year ended. Um, however,
that's not necessarily how things are going to go with you, and you'll learn more about this.
When you hear about our second breakup, you definitely don't want to do this. You don't want
to let the damage control mode kind of take you over and you don't want to be thinking constantly
about this rebound, who are they? Are they better than me? Are they, like, I thought that this guy
was like way better than me. Cause he was a couple of years older than me. He had like a real job at
the time. I was just sort of like in school. And then as summer started, I couldn't find a
job for the summer. And so I basically felt worthless. Um, and so I saw myself as like,
you know, less valuable than this guy. This other guy was like really emotionally expressive, which
I definitely was a lot less emotionally expressive back then. And so I had a lot
of shortcomings or perceived shortcomings and I was constantly comparing myself to this other guy
and feeling bad about it and thinking like, oh, why would she want to be with me?
Like here I am, this shy person with no social skills and nobody wants to give me a job. Uh, all
I can do is just sit around, uh, this summer and do nothing. Cause, cause there's nothing else to
do. Whereas this guy, you know, he, he works in a copy shop, um, you know, xeroxing things. And
so I was feeling kind of insecure. The last thing you want to do though, is do what I did. The last
thing you want to do is to constantly compare yourself to your ex's rebound, especially if
he's just going to make you feel bad. I mean, even if you somehow look at your ex's rebound and say,
oh, they're, they're terrible because you know, I'm more successful than them. I'm better looking
than them. I'm more attractive than them. I'm in better shape than them. I'm more whatever,
like even still don't do that because that's going to keep your focus away from what really matters,
which is the quality of the emotional connection between you and your ex.
I've talked about this many times on this channel. I think you probably get that. If you've seen me
say that in some video, more than once, maybe if not, here's your first time. Um, but this
is very important. So you want to make sure that you're focusing on the quality of the
connection between you and your ex and drowning out anything else that has to do with this other
person to the degree possible. Even ask your ex, Hey, I appreciate you telling me about this, but
for my own wellbeing, I really request that you don't share anything with me about this rebound
partner of yours. Um, I mean, they're probably not going to call it a rebound on and say like,
oh yeah, that's true. Love we're meant to be together. But you know, just say like,
Hey, spare me the details about your new relationship.
And that I think is going to do you well as, as well to also tune out as much as possible,
any social media stuff. Um, that's just going to allow that person to float into your awareness.
It's not going to do you any good either. What you want to be focusing on is just the quality of the
connection between you and your ex. That that is literally the most important thing that you can
do. So if you do that, that is going to set you up for success. When you find out that your ex
is dating someone else, what I want you to do next is to check out this playlist right here
on rebound relationships, how they work, why there's so much challenges with them, um, what
you can expect, the, the, the, the complexities of them, and so much more check it out right here.