how big are your ice cubes how big are
your ice cubes that's a personal
question yeah exactly
hey guys welcome to stir crazy i've
known my guest today since we went to
high school at forks she's gone on to
become one of our finest actors
her new film is the holiday comedy
happiest season
it's kristen stewart hi how's it going
so first of all
major belated happy birthday but i feel
like it's worth mentioning
because it was a big one yeah it was did
30 feel
especially meaningful for you it does
i really feel it every bone aches every
yeah yeah my news as you know i have a
couple
of silly challenges for you as an actor
as a consummate actor you're used to
cold reads
this is really cold reads
we're going to load up our mouths with
ice cubes one at a time and we're going
to try to communicate an iconic piece of
film dialogue to the other
now the size of the ice cube is a big
part of this what how big are your ice
cubes
how big are your ice cubes that's a
personal question yeah exactly that's
what i'm
saying yours are pretty big
but your thumb is abnormally large so
it's all i need it's all up
um
i'm a cotton hairy mini muggle oh elf
i'm a cotton-headed mini mug something
how is it merry christmas you filthy
animal merry christmas you felt the
animal hold on
let me show you
oh was that broke back i wish i knew how
to quit you good
choices gay christmas okay
ooh brother hold on hi
i don't know wait can you say that one
more time
you better hold on hi spider-man
i just wanted it again because i knew it
might be the very last time that i
was really receiving that one
until the reboot yeah you got that just
to clarify
yes tweet late
all right i won't torture you anymore on
that front but i will congratulate you i
was telling you before happiest season
uh is a delight this is like a warm
blanket this is like one of those
classic holiday movies i love these kind
of movies
in the romantic comedy holiday movie do
you have like a a north star
what was yours every time someone asked
me like what my favorite rom-com is i
immediately just
go when harry met sally cause it's the
the one
that is a good one that is acceptable i
mean and it's a holiday movie it ends in
new year's
is it a holiday movie just because it's
interesting let me see if how well you
know your co-stars with these extreme
close-up photos
it looks like a color that mary holland
would wear like her character would wear
like a pink lip
i think it's mary holland oh it's not
wait
it's not okay wait hold on here because
it's alison bree
it's mackenzie oh god you're not you're
just embarrassing yourself
i guess so i really wanted to be good at
this like badly
wow okay so hey question this is not in
the movie no these are not still from
the movie
that's good to know okay well i thought
it was gonna be in the movie which is
why i was like
okay her character riley would never
wear
pink lipstick now that i know the rules
of the game i think i'm gonna be better
okay let's go to the next one then
that's mackenzie
you're confident about that what body
part is it it's the side of her mouth
it's the side of her mouth your dog
agrees you are correct that is the side
of mackenzie davis's mouth well done
yeah i like her i like this game
you're you're arguably pretty what's
happening are you casting a spell on me
no i'm trying to be observant oh i see
well it's funny because he even looks
like his dad in this zoomed up close-up
right there you can't avoid it it really
is they're strong they're strong
they're handsome he's they really like
look at that guy
that's a dreamboat that's a dreamboat
eyebrow whoa
this is like this is like some portrait
of lady on fire
right here what does that mean well she
like
puts the finger in the armpit and you
think it's not an armpit and you're like
oh my god what am i okay
this is an uncomfortable picture that
makes you uncomfortable
what does that say about you well it
looks like a sensitive area
like it just looks like you're really
close to a really sensitive area and
that's not
comfortable per se unless i don't know
what you're into but
no judgments yeah is it alison brie
she's wearing like a tube toppy weird
thing
she's the only one that would wear a
shirt like that
she's precious and she's cute and she'd
wear like a little off the shoulder
shirt see i told you i could be good at
this game
it just took you a little warming up
okay last one finished strong you've
you've
really made some struggles you didn't
tell me all the rules it's not fair okay
wow that was a really good one
you're very proud of yourself very
self-congratulated you're like wow i
killed it there guys god i'm amazing
wow that's hard uh who is
this body part person anything
is that me wow oh
dude i can
well that's already basically looks like
a shiner
and i have this one hair right here that
i'm always trying to like be like wait
don't forget to get that one you talked
a big game and you you
there are like 100 hallmark holiday
movies every year you tell me if this is
a real one or one i made up
single santa seeks mrs claus eight
it's a real one christmas at dollywood
real yeah i mean yeah that's a number
they haven't made that yeah a shoe
addict's christmas
sounds real but it's not
no it is real sadly it is real
what about the case of the missing
mistletoe the missing mistletoe
um yeah it sounds like an army device it
sounds like some kind of uh
i don't think i think it's fake it is
fake i made that one up
the night after the night before
christmas i think it sounds real
i made that one up okay it's a good one
well technically the night after the
night before christmas is just
christmas so it's really the stupidest
title ever made yeah but it's funny it's
cute
okay santa learns to read i could see
that being like
santa's an adult like how you came
you're halfway there and then you're
like wait a second i think that's fake
that is fake last one north pole dancer
are
i think you made that up in that it's
brilliant and that it's funny as hell
and then it's fake not only are you
correct but you flattered me in the
process that's a win-win do it
yeah you knew it we do go way back we
obviously started way back in
in the days of forks and the twilight
days and i remember back then we always
talked about how the names became so
popular
bella and edward and all those names
were like the most popular baby names at
the time do you meet like kids that are
now like 12 years old
that were named after your character
back then
i've wondered i definitely have been
like but then i've been like you are
self-obsessed i wonder how many people
named their children after me
yeah i think stephanie meyer would have
something to say about that that's true
fair enough
a collaborator all right i'm going to
wrap it up and let you release you to
the
the wild with a few really stupid would
you rather questions
i'm really good at this i don't fall
into like gaping holes of
treacherous thought when we do this okay
quick fire
anytime anything's quick fire i'm like
no
we haven't we have three hours for this
you can really fall into those some deep
holes
would you rather never have to audition
again or never see another paparazzi
again
i would audition every day for the rest
of my life if i didn't have to
see another paparazzi that's an easy one
would you rather be three feet taller or
three feet shorter
shorter really you're gonna be a little
wee
a little weak kristen well how tall am i
am i the same proportionally
yeah you're the same proportionally yeah
smaller oh my god dude
like run around and do wild either
way it's going to be hard so i would go
smaller
because i could it'd be easier to travel
i could get fit in the
carrier case
what's in your carrier case sir oh
that's just a little kristen stewart
don't
don't mind me would you rather have
trump tweet about you
every day the rest of your life or never
pet a dog again you can do whatever the
he wants
as long as i don't have to i don't know
man i love my dog and this is a
triggering question i'm sorry i don't
want to end on a bad note let's not end
on a bad note
this is the dakota johnson memorial
question she posed this to me on a
previous episode
would you rather have well not she's
still around but this is like what has
happened okay
you haven't seen the news no this is in
honor of dakota and her brilliance would
you rather
have a mouthful of bees or one bee in
your butt
i would rather have one be in my butt
is that like a flirtatious thing well
what just happened no i was embarrassed
i'm like you're asking the risky
questions but i'm not going to lean away
i'm going to lean in and i'm going to
say i'd rather have one little
you know little guy yeah just a little
fuzzy might not be that bad and then um
but like think about like a mouthful of
bees you wouldn't survive that i
wouldn't i'm
so sense i'm such a little i would
not recover from that
good to know i won't gift you for your
31st birthday a giant hive of bees don't
[Music]
worry
you