Hello Brains!
Last time, we talked about the concept of the "Wall of Awful" and how to climb it.
This week, we're going to talk about how to cheat.
I mean...make it easier.
I mean cheat!
The "Wall of Awful" is a metaphor by Brendan Mahan of ADHD Essentials and I love it because
it explains really well why we tend to have such a hard time with things that "should"
be really easy.
There's a link to that episode in the description below.
But to recap: the Wall of Awful is an emotional barrier between you and whatever it is you're
trying to do like, pay a past due parking ticket -- built from past failures and all
the negative emotions and outcomes that come with them.
Here are ways we tend to try to deal with the Wall of Awful that don't work.
Here's a way that does work but isn't exactly healthy.
And here's a way that works and is healthy.
But sometimes -- we need a shortcut.
Maybe we're tired.
Or maybe our walls are really big and overwhelming.
Maybe we're definitely not going to pay the past due parking ticket unless we can find
a way to make it a little easier.
In other words -- unless we modify that wall.
Luckily, according to Brendan, there are a couple of ways you can do this.
The first, he calls "putting a door in it."
I'll let Brendan explain.
So, putting a door in the Wall of Awful is really about changing your emotional state.
Because the Wall of Awful is made of emotions.
So if we can get past all of those emotions by just changing the emotions inside of us,
we can get to the task at hand.
A good example of this is that there's plenty of times when people are sitting on the couch.
"I should go to the gym.
I should go to the gym.
I should go to the gym."
And they're not going to the gym.
But then, if the Eye of the Tiger comes on, now they're doing pushups on the living room
floor because music affects us emotionally.
And so we can use music to change our emotional state, put a door in the wall, and be more
motivated.
It's certainly not the only option.
A lot of the things that provide us with dopamine also help us put a door in the wall.
So a time limit -- if I only have 20 minutes to cook dinner, I'm going to cook dinner.
Or novel experiences can help us put a door in the wall -- and that includes novel places,
right?
There's a reason so many people write in coffee shops.
Exercise is a great way to put a door in the wall, not just because it gets us working
some of that anxiety out but also because after we exercise, our brain gets flooded
with dopamine.
And if we can ride that dopamine window to get started, then we're good.
And even if the dopamine kind of peters out, we're already on a roll.
So why would we ever need to climb the wall if we can just put a door in it?
Putting a door in it is gonna help you get past the wall right now, but it's not necessarily
gonna make it easier long-term.
I mean, you can just always write in a coffee shop and get past the wall that way.
But you haven't dealt with whatever the barriers are that are making it hard for you to write.
Which isn't really a problem, until the coffee shop is closed when you want to write, or
you run out of money because coffee is really expensive, turns out.
In which case -- whatdowedo.
So one thing we can do is start putting handholds into our walls of awful.
And what that looks like is developing some ADHD-friendly strategies to make it easier
to get started.
Like developing time wisdom.
Something that I have a Wall of Awful for is mowing the lawn.
In my head, mowing the lawn is an all-day project.
Because we ADHD people conflate emotions and time, the more you put something off, the
bigger it feels.
So I timed how long it really takes me to mow the lawn.
And it turns out, it's like a 2 and a half hour experience and knowing that makes it
easier for me to start.
Also, planning what you're gonna do before you do it.
Setting more attainable and probably fewer goals so instead of saying "I have to check
my email" say "I need to reply to five emails" That clear goal is really powerful.
And related to that is defining "done."
We have to know what "done" looks like if we're gonna do the thing that we wanna do.
Because people with ADHD tend to have this "all or nothing" thinking.
Let's say we want to write a book, I feel like I have to write that whole book in one
day.
Except that that isn't going to happen.
Yeah "I'm not done until I'm finished writing my book" which means "I can't have time for
family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book."
Right.
But you can be.
you can be done writing the book after an hour for that day.
Another thing that puts really solid handholds in our wall is allowing time for transition.
That's why a commute is useful: because you're driving for 20 minutes or an hour thinking
about what you have to do at work before you can actually do it.
So we ride out that initial burst of anxiety and we settle in to what we actually need
to do.
But if you're trying to transition directly from a meeting to your email, you get stuck.
As opposed to taking 15 to 20 minutes to transition to the task at hand.
Another thing that is really useful for developing handholds in our wall is just reflecting on
how things have gone.
"Did it go as well as I wanted it to?"
"Did it not quite go that well, but I still succeeded?"
And then: "Why?"
That kind of reflection is important because it gives us strategies for next time.
That's important to understand because I feel sometimes like reflecting is a waste of time
because I look at all the Walls of Awful that I have to climb and I'm like "I've gotta keep
climbing!"
But it makes it easier for later.
I can spend an hour climbing this wall of awful every day, or I can spend an hour climbing
it today, and then spend a half an hour reflecting on it.
And now it's only gonna take me 45 minutes to climb it tomorrow.
And I'm still 15 minutes in the hole, but the day after tomorrow it's gonna take me
45 minutes and the day after that it's gonna take me 45 minutes and eventually, I earn
that half an hour back.
Even if all I save is 5 minutes, I'm still gonna earn my time back eventually.
Do you still have Walls of Awful?
Oh, yeah, all kinds of walls.
Absolutely.
Is there a way that you can prevent adding more bricks to your wall?
Forgiveness.
And understanding.
What really puts bricks in our walls is judgement.
So if we can approach our challenges from a place of non-judgement, and a place of compassion
and forgiveness and empathy, then we can avoid more bricks than we otherwise would.
Maybe not all of them, but lots of them.
That's true.
You know it's actually kind of understandable that I got this parking ticket with everything
that I was going through at the time.
I can do this.
...I should probably finish the episode first.
To recap: to modify our Walls of Awful, we can put doors in them by doing things that
change our emotional state.
Or, we can put handholds in them by using ADHD-friendly strategies.
For more ADHD tools and strategies, check out the links in the description below and
subscribe so you don't miss future episodes!
Thank you to my brain advocates and all my Patreon brains for allowing me to keeping
adding tools to this giant ADHD toolbox.
And extra special thanks to the team that animated this one.
To find out more about the wall of awful, or hear more from Brendan, check out wallofawful.com.
And I'll see you next time.
Bye, Brains!