>> RUSSIA OF COURSE, IS PLAYING A HUGE PART IN THE ELECTION THIS
YEAR WITH CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS OF HACKING AND CYBER ATTACKS.
HERE TO COMMENT FROM A REMOTE VILLAGE IN RUSSIA IS OLIA
POVLATSKY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI. >> COLIN JOST.
WELL, WELL, WELL. >> WHAT DID I DO?
>> OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST TELLING YOU WHERE ALL
MY SISTERS DIED. WELL, WELL, WELL.
>> OLYA, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE HACKING THAT'S BEEN GOING
ON IN RUSSIA. >> THESE RUSSIANS, THEY LOVE TO
HACK, COLIN, THAT'S WHY I HAVE VERY STRONG PASSWORD NO ONE CAN
GUESS. IT'S THE NOISE I MAKE EVERY
MORNING WHEN I WAKE UP. ALL THE Os ARE ZEROS.
>> THAT'S CLEVER. >> NOW, RUSSIA'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN
MIXED UP IN OUR ELECTION. HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING OUR
ELECTION AS A RESULT? >> OH, YEAH.
I WATCH THE DEBATE ON SUNDAY. >> YOU WATCHED THE DEBATE?
>> YES. I RELATED TO THIS HILLARY
CLINTON, BECAUSE I HAVE ALSO BEEN ATTACKED BY A DOG FOR 90
MINUTES. BUT NOW WE'RE ENGAGED, SO YOU
NEVER KNOW, YOU KNOW. >> CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> DID YOU SEE THE VIDEO OF
DONALD TRUMP WITH BILLY BUSH? >> YEAH, COLIN THAT WAS SO HARD
TO WATCH THE VIDEO. A WHOLE BUS FOR JUST TWO PEOPLE!
>> AND WITH ALL THE STUFF, THE TENSION BETWEEN THE U.S. AND
RUSSIA, THERE'S TALK THERE COULD BE A NUCLEAR WAR.
DOES THAT WORRY YOU? >> I'M NOT WORRIED, COLIN.
EVERY DAY I DO NUCLEAR BOMB DRILL.
THIS IS WHERE I RUN INTO OPEN FIELD, I SCREAM, COME TO ME,
BOMB! SEND ME BACK TO HELL!
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT RUSSIANS HATING -- AMERICANS
HATING RUSSIANS RIGHT NOW? >> IT'S NOTHING NEW, COLIN.
LOOK AT YOUR MOVIES. WE ARE ALWAYS THE VILLAIN.
IF YOU ARE IN AMERICAN MOVEO AND YOU HAVE MY ACCENT, THE ONLY
LINE YOU EVER GET TO SAY IS THIS.
YOU HAVE 24 HOURS. >> I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
>> YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE CUTE. BUT NOT ALL RUSSIANS ARE PURE
EVIL. SOME OF US JUST LIKE TO CHILL,
KICK BACK, YOU KNOW, SING HOTTEST NEW SONG IN RUSSIA.
♪ ♪ A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA BY MY
SIDE ♪ ♪ A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA ON MY
RIGHT ♪ ♪ A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA ON THE
ROOF ♪ ♪ A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA IN THE
FIELD ♪♪♪ >> THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT HOW THAT
SONG GOES. >> YES, IT IS.
IN RUSSIAN VERSION, MONICA HAS BEEN TORN TO PIECES.
IT'S CALL MONICA. >> I GOT TO SAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT LIFE IS ACTUALLY THAT BAD IN RUSSIA.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS IS GOOD STUFF IN MY LIFE.
I JUST GOT MY FIRST PHONE. >> YOUR FIRST PHONE?
>> YES, A SAMSUNG GALAXY 7. >> I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL
YOU THIS, BUT THE SAMSUNG GALAXIES ARE BEING RECALLED
BECAUSE THEY'RE EXPLODING. >> WHY DO YOU THINK I SLEEP WITH
THIS IN MY MOUTH, COLIN? >> OLYA POVLATSKY, EVERYONE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD FOR
YOUNG GIRLS TO LIVE IS SWEDEN. WHILE THE WORST PLACE FOR YOUNG
GIRLS TO LIVE IS ON YOUR HARD DRIVE.
I SAID WORST PLACE. >> THIS WILL GET YOU BACK.
A MAN IN CALIFORNIA WAS ATTACKED BY BEARS AFTER HE INTERRUPTED
THEM HAVING SEX. EVEN WORSE, THEY WERE HAVING SEX
WITH HIS WIFE. WE TRIED.
>> AND IN SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS TONIGHT, THE NOBEL PRIZE
FOR LITERATURE, WENT TO BOB DYLAN.
EVEN MORE SHOCKING, THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR MEDICINE WENT TO DR.
DRE. >>> IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR OUR
NEWSCASTERS OF TOMORROW SEGMENT, WHERE A KID JOINS US TO GIVE
NEWS FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE. TONIGHT WE HAVE A YOUNG ACTRESS
IN THE DISNEY MOVIE "THE DOLPHIN DIARIES," PLEASE WELCOME LAURA
PARSON. >> WHAT A THRILL IT IS TO BE
HERE. ♪ NEWS TALKING ABOUT NEWS ♪
♪ HEY MICHAEL CHE DID YOU HEAR TODAY THE NEWS ♪♪♪
>> THANKS FOR COMING, LAURA. >> I HEAR EMILY BLUNT IS HERE
AND SHE'S THE NEW MARY POPPINS. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
SHE'LL BE IN THE NEW MOVIE. >> I'M
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALA AVAILABLE.
'ELLO, GUVNOR! >> ALL RIGHT.
OAKY, LAURA, I DON'T THINK AUDITIONS ARE BEING HELD RIGHT
NOW. SO JUST TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THE NEWS. >> WELL, THERE'S A BIG ELECTION
COMING UP. HILLARY CLINTON VERSUS
DONALD TRUMP, AND SOME PEOPLE SAY DONALD TRUMP IS A BULLY
BECAUSE HE CALLS PEOPLE NAMES. HE MIGHT HAVE SAID SOME BAD
THINGS TO A LADY ON A PLANE. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND THEN HE SHOVED HIS HANDS UP HER SKIRT!
>> LAURA, THIS IS AN ADULT SUBJECT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SEXUAL ASSAULT -- HARASSMENT IS, OR ASSAULT?
>> I THINK SO. IT'S WHEN THE BOSS LOOKS AT YOU
AND SAYS, "HEY, TOOTS, IF YOU WANT THIS JOB, YOU BETTER GIVE
ME THE GOODS!" >> MAYBE YOU DO KNOW WHAT IT IS.
I HOPE THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING YOU'VE LEARNED ABOUT THIS
ELECTION. >> OF COURSE NOT.
OUR TEACHER ASKED US TO WATCH THE DEBATES.
IT'S SO COOL. REGULAR CITIZENS GET TO ASK THE
CANDIDATES QUESTIONS, LIKE KEN BONE.
HE'S A BIG HUGGABLE MAN IN A RED SWEATER.
>> I SAW HIM. HE SEEMED VERY NICE.
>> I THOUGHT SO TOO, UNTIL HE GOT ON REDDIT AND TALKED ABOUT
MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, JENNIFER LAWRENCE.
>> LAURA. >> HE SAID HE LIKED HER
BUTTHOLE. >> YOU CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT.
>> WHY NOT? BILLY BUSH SAID BAD THINGS, AND
MY MOM SAYS HE MIGHT GET $10 MILLION.
FROM THIS NETWORK! >> LAURA!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> OUR MOTHER DIED.
I NEED A NANNY. >> THERE IS NO "MARY POPPINS"
AUDITIONS TONIGHT. LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING FUN.
WHAT'S SOMETHING FUN THAT YOU'RE INTO?
>> WELL, MY SCHOOL HAD A CIRCUS LAST WEEK.
YOU COULD DRESS UP AS AN ACROBAT, AN ANIMAL, OR A CLOWN.
>> THAT'S COOL. >> IT SURE IS.
I LOVE CLOWNS. EXCEPT IN SOUTH CAROLINA, WHERE
THEY'RE LURING KIDS INTO THE WOODS.
>> LAURA! >> BEST CASE SCENARIO, YOU'RE
MOLESTED! >> ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU, LAURA. YOU WERE GREAT.
YOU DID FANTASTIC. >> I WAS?
>> YES. >> GUESS I PASSED THE AUDITION.
♪ AND THAT'S IN THE NEWS ♪♪♪