Hey it's Clayton and in this video, I'm going to talk about when to play hard-to-get.
And even saying that I chuckle on the inside because of the question of when to play hard-to-get.
I get a lot of questions like this: “Clayton should I play hard-to-get?
Should I act disinterested?
Should I ignore the guy?” Typically, these questions are coming from women who have been
perhaps dating the guy for a little while and he starts to pull away or perhaps he's
not initiating in the way that they would like and then these types of questions begin
to surface.
And in order to answer this question I'll talk a little bit about some of the content
that's you've probably been exposed to as a woman on YouTube looking for getting advice.
And also, just it's some of the advice that is out there for men as well in the pickup
industry.
And what it tempts to do is shortcut being somebody, and this will make sense in a moment,
it shortcuts being somebody and tries to give you the behaviors that would make it look
like you are someone of high value.
So rather than actually having you go live life from the inside out where you are making
changes within yourself and then the external around – external world around you begin
to reflect that.
It's “I'm going to change everything that I'm doing and hope on the inside that things
will turn out my way.”
So, this idea of acting disinterested or playing hard-to-get – see a high value woman does
not play hard-to-get.
It may look like she's playing hard-to-get from the outside, that is the behavior that
it looks like she might be doing from one level of consciousness, it looks like she's
playing hard to get, but what is actually happening what her internal experience is
that she's just simply living her life.
She's living her life – a life that she loves.
She's got friends.
She's got hobbies that she enjoys.
Maybe she's got work that she enjoys.
She takes care of herself.
And because of that, she is unavailable to activities and people and things that pull
her down or aren't congruent with her way of living.
So, it makes her seem like she's playing hard to get but she's actually BEING hard to get.
She's not playing hard to get, she's BEING hard to get.
(It’s the) same thing with this idea of like ignoring a man, she's not wondering whether
or not she should ignore a guy, she's just simply not in contact with him because perhaps
she senses there's not compatibility there.
Or, because she senses that they want different things or that this guy is not going to be
able to live up to the same standards that she has for herself around what a relationship
should look like.
So therefore, the way that she behaves indicates and communicates that she has high value and
it inspires people around her (people that come into her field) to step up and perhaps
live bigger or play a bigger more expansive game and the one they're currently playing.
In essence, she inspires men to become better men, to feel like she is a catch because they
have to step into bigger shoes in order to capture her.
And so, if we get stuck in this realm of thinking, “Well should I play hard-to-get?
Should I act disinterested?
Should I ignore him?”
Well if you're asking those questions, it indicates that there's a part of you that
actually doesn't feel like you perhaps deserve the guy that you're with or deserve the guy
that you are in relationship with.
And that's actually the place to work, in the question that can get you moving in the
right direction there is to begin asking, “Who do I need to be in order to create
the type of relationship that I want?
What types of things do I need to do in my life now in order to be this magnetic person
that inspires men and women to want to be a part of it?”
See your value in a relationship to a man, doesn't come from what you do.
It doesn't come from the things that you have or the things that you are doing to him or
the things that you are necessarily doing out there in the world.
Your value to a man comes in how you feel about yourself, how you feel about yourself,
how you feel about life – that is your offering.
That is what men get seduced by, that is what men chase.
It is the feeling that you have around yourself about who you are in the life that you're
living because then when they come into your field like a tuning fork they start to feel
that as well.
They feel that about you and they also begin to have a model to feel that way about themselves
as well.
And if they don't they can start to see the gap and they can start to see the places that
they can grow to be to step into those shoes as well.
So, the key here in summary is to not play games.
It's not to play hard-to-get.
It's not to act disinterested.
It's not to ignore this guy so you have some type of effect on him that communicates this
false sense of high value.
Because then deep down if you're doing that you'll feel in congruent and you'll feel like
if he does start to respond, it will actually build up more anxiety because you realize
you're not being who you truly feel like you are in order to get him.
And then that creates a whole other host of problems and we'll just level up the anxiety
even more.
The place to focus is on how would a high value woman live her life?
How would a high value woman be in the situation in which those behaviors are a natural expression
of how she shows up in the world?
My name is Clayton Olson if you enjoyed this video, I've got a link below this video to
the Five Secrets to Unlock His Heart.
You can get it for free just by putting in your email address.
I'd be happy to send that to your inbox and please subscribe to the channel, and go ahead
and like this video if you found it helpful.
Thanks.